Game Updates/Player Stories
Let's Play A Game...
March 25, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 7:57 AM
So, assassins, it is nice to see things are going well and that some of you are really coming into your own...
Los Angeles has been wetting at an impressive rate...there has not been a single day without a drenching. This, my assassins, is a new record - you should be proud of yourselves...
Now however, it is time to really test your skills...
Some of you have been complaining that you "aren't being hunted enough"...it brings a tear to the eye of my handsome face. So, to remedy this ill, I shall give you what you want...an opportunity to REALLY be hunted.
If you win my little challenge, I will waive the 2 kill rule and give you a Rogue Assassin to help you in your hunt.
Curious?
Email me to offer your services.
While you ponder, here are some player stories...
There is an advantage to being the best...Agent BK has gotten such a taste for wetting that he needs more...more fodder, more players to drench...and who am I to deny such a heartless and effective assassin this pleasure? It would be unjust...and I am anything but unjust...and so I send BK out to wet the weak. In this case, "the weak" was one of the Flaming Dragons. Next time, will it be you?
The CHI Squad continued with their snacking and their drenching. After successfully holding up a shipment of Gummi Bacon (yeah, I been watchin'...), the Squad got tipsy and got killy up on Agent JS.
MM battled through robits, ninjas AND robot ninjas to reach his target, Agent CS, the leader of the Evil Swiss Empire. The coup was successful. CS wet, Evil Swiss Empire defeated.
Senor Squirt aquatically bukkaked Agent AT.
Until tomorrow,
Supreme Commander
Shadow Government
*********************************************************************
Dearest Supreme Commander,
It is with really no remorse whatsoever, that we
report to you kill no.2.
CHI SQUAD finds that the new target is a fucking
hermit. we spend monday evening in the SQUADcar in
front of his house doodling in a porno mag as a
present for him. Apparently, he does not appreciate
"Privates Investigator" article as much as we do. Next
night we witness all too much about his neighbors: one
who obsessively throws away a piece of trash at a time
on the street, one who has so much trash, she has
filled hers and every other neighbors' cans on all
corners of the intersection, a couple of gay twin
joggers, a couple of men wearing matching knit rasta
blazers (??), what seems to be a makeshift illegal
vet/house with hundreds of dogs pooping with no
regard right outside our car door, and to top it off
a mysterious man who steals plants from other
neighbors' yards, sometimes using a shopping cart to
transport his "goods".
((insert snack cake filling here))
THURSDAY 07:20AM: AGENT CUPCAKE does recon at target's
house and and finds exact make and model of his
vehicle, including first 4 digits of license plate.
AGENT DING DONG gets into position sometime in the
afternoon and decides to take cover in a bush across
the street. AGENTS CUPCAKE & NUTTY HO-HO receive phone
calls from said bush but we see no sign of her. AGENT
DING DONG complains of dog shit and piss. How many
fucking dogs can possibly live in this neighborhood??
several hours later, CUPCAKE relocates one of the
SQUADcars and hears a "SPLAT!!" and a scream. Target
hit. AGENT DING DONG takes a kill. AGENT CUPCAKE
squeals from afar. JS seemingly unphased by his
demise, has nothing to offer but his ID card and
quickly has somewhere to be. He is no fun. We piss in
your general direction. Why doesn't he want to party
with us?
Proceed to nearest bar immediately. Consume pizza,
beer and whiskey with our previous target, Neumie. He
is entertained by our stories of deception and
destruction. We wonder if he is a rogue assassin. in
any case, any of us could wrestle him and take him in
15 seconds or less. We decide we could offer him
protection as his bodyguards.
Proceed home and await our next mission.
With Dearest and Best Regards,
THE CHI SQUAD
*********************************************************************
"More than cracked up, you should have backed up
For those who act up need to be more than smacked up
E-F-F-E-C-T
A smooth operator operating correctly."
The Evil Swiss Empire crumbled to a watery grave this morning when
team leader Caroline Steiger caught a face full of funk as she stepped out of her door.
Line em up. Knock em down.
*********************************************************************
Senor Squirt in "Lavos Los Bitches"
Last night, I saw his camino on the street. After some serious intel...I knew more about my target than his last own mother. He could only be driving the maroon import with Ohio Plates.
With all of the construction going on, he was at a serious disadvantage for parking.
I got up at the 6:30 in the morning for the kill. Who would have thought they even made a 6:30 am? They had me fooled...but there it was, in black and red LED: six motherfucking thirty.
I untangled myself from the pile of hookers and blow from the previous night. It took me a good 15 minutes to make my way to the edge of my california king waterbed, but somehow I managed.
I stopped by my local arms dealer, picked up a pack of smokes, a bottle of tequila, and a cup of coffee: standard assassin fuel.
By 7:15 I was parked my imapala down the street, got out my cold weather poncho, and
waited...wedging myself under his ride. It turns out that imports aren't made for Luchadores, and our massive muscular manliness normally kept constrained by spandex and championship belts...kind of on the sideish, by the curb.
The automatic unlock of his doors signaled the soon to be soaked. Agent Thomas was cautious, but not cautious enough as he approached the ride, and was within range.
He shot first - and a return volley sent him down the street. The chase ensued, but his penny loafers were no match for my platform kicks. As he sprinted back towards his car, I had to go matrix on him:
Shot him right through the heart - and I was to blame. Only seconds before he reached the saftey of the driver's seat.
It was all over in under an hour, and I had time to make a few deliveries before my huevos rancheros were cold.
Agent Thomas, you were a worthy adversary. I look forward to sharing a beer with you once this is all finished. Now it's time to powder the hand for another slap.
Dear friendly nieghborhood shadow government: Agent Thomas was so intimidating, he scared his target out of the game. Please provide me with a brand spankin' new one.
Adios!
*********************************************************************
sadly, i must report another assassination mishap.
at this precise time, 721p, the remaining members of team flaming dragon were attempting an ambush attack on their assassin. During filming of the plan to execute Goddamn Ninja, a rogue assassin entered the apartment in the San Fernando Valley apartment, and shot 4 rounds. Before his gun could go off, Shooter McGavin, team leader shot with precision and accuracy to tranqualize the attacker. Unfortunately we were notified that only the mark, 'The Midnight Bomber-who bombs at midnight' would be able to difuse the assassin.
so, we pour one out for our lost team member, Joe, and we wish that we meet again in heaven.
signed a very sad,
Shooter McGavin
Team Flaming Dragon - a team of one
*********************************************************************
Last name Rude was already dead when i arrived, but I finished off
Segura as you requested. David Hayflich has repented....and who am I to not grant mercy to those asking for it.
The leader proclaimed to have shot me the same time i shot his team-mate, but to their surprise i informed them only Segura was my target and that the leader's shots have no affect on me. I was not there for him, but his team-mate.
If there is another rogue assignment please give it to me, now as you can see you can count on me. The deed is done, Hayflich on the run, and the "Flaming Dragons" uttering the words Agent Bk as I disappeared as quick as I came with another ID card to the roster.......officially or unofficially.
Either way it is up to you.
Officially 5 kills plus one team.
Un-officially 6 kills plus a team.
Like two sides of any man, good and bad, the rogue and law abider.....Agent BK Oneshot.
*********************************************************************
Comments
BK,
Rogue assignments are a wonderful diversion, but don't forget about your real target, and the title of last assassin standing...
I am quite sure no one has ever won this game during the regulation three weeks. How grand would it be to be the first?
Best of luck.
Posted by: watchingfromafar at March 26, 2006 7:28 PM
Bk,
U rock it pretty hard, and i hope u win this comp. Goodluck with all ur future targets and i hope u get double digits with your card collection, get the whole set!
'Dead' Agent JS
Posted by: The Midnight Bomber Who Bombs At Midnight at March 26, 2006 9:25 PM
CHI SQUAD,
That sounds like a challenge to me...
Posted by: Neumie at March 26, 2006 9:59 PM
Finally.
Our killers arrive. Only a few hours before elimination, too. Do I smell desperation?
I'm shocked you didn't take me out after that guy saw me hiding in his bushes about 40 feet from you as you staked out Mordeth's place. His yelling must have attracted your attention and the walk up that hill was long for poor, old, decrepit "Uncle Bucky".
Speaking of which, the flyers were cute. Putting them on my neighbor's cars, however, was kind of stale (I'm in apartment 2, and my parking space is clearly marked), but that is about what I'd expect for the people who called my work yesterday:
You: "May I speak with M___ T______?"
Me: "Speaking."
You: >>
That was smooth.
Anyway, back to the chase. I can't believe I outran you, with you driving that fancy Infiniti and me on foot (and hung over from last night's assassin gathering - What? You weren't invited? I'm shocked, shocked I tell you). That was pretty smart of you to race down and try to catch me at the bottom of the hill. It would have been smarter to look around a little once you got there, but, you know, baby steps (by the way, does your car always stall out like that? You should have that checked).
On the whole the night was pretty fun. We should do it again, sometime. Unless, of course, you get eliminated for not making the kills. Well, you can't say we didn't give a bunch of chances.
Meet me at the crossroads.
Posted by: Exu at March 27, 2006 12:13 AM
I see Mordeth ("Papa Smurf") beat me to the post.
Here's the transcript of you phone call. For some reason it didn't post right above:
You: "May I speak with M___ T______?"
Me: "Speaking."
You: (dial tone)
That was smooth.
Meet me at the crossroads.
Posted by: Exu at March 27, 2006 12:20 AM
Desperation? Bitches, please. we just got your ugly mugs for targets.
Papa Smurf-
you have to admit our little ronin car chase re-enactment through the hills of silverlake was a blast. i'll take on your new little saab any day. or better yet, wanna race for pinks? actually no, i take that back. i wouldn't want that piece of shit in my garage.
Uncle Bucky- i hope you got over your asthma attack after your climb. your days are numbered. and thanks for clearing up which apt was yours, you forgot to mention it to the SG.
p.s. when are your other friends going to come out and play?
Posted by: blondie at March 27, 2006 11:19 AM
Mordeth,
Be careful what you seek. Would you rather have a skilled lone assassin hunting your team? Or several bumbling assassins?
Best of luck!
Posted by: Arnold Friend at March 27, 2006 12:43 PM
"Speeding things along" is an excellent strategy if the game is to end before sudden death. I am almost certain every Streetwars has gone to the extra week, and you are correct that the winner gets a prize.
I wish I was hunting your assassins. I would have relished the opportunity to hunt such an elusive team as yours after their demise. In this game it is special indeed when the competent are chasing the competent.
Posted by: Arnold Friend at March 27, 2006 1:33 PM
I think it's pretty poor play to advertise a deal such as this. What kind of assasin would accept an offer to have his targets handed to him on a silver platter? Where's the skill in that?
Posted by: Agent TG at March 27, 2006 1:42 PM
So who is this cryptically posting things under pseudonyms like "ArN OLD FRIEND" and "watchingfromafar"? Are you dead? Are you Anderson Cooper? Are you the SC, adopting a different style to make some un-SC-like comments? Mustache?
Posted by: I.M. Dreyer at March 27, 2006 1:48 PM
Blondie,
No asthma attack; twenty years of smoking have made my lungs MIGHTY.
As it stands, the neighbor spotting me was gift to you. Instead of me neutralizing your team, you got a good four minutes of my hill climb when you could have taken me out easily. Alas, you failed to capitalize.
As far as my apartment number goes, as soon as I noticed that is wasn't on my ID card, I notified Supreme. I was very conscious of putting it my last post. I don't want you to think I am hiding.
Do me a favor. Write my apartment number on my dossier so I don't have to go through this with the next killer. Thanks.
Meet me at the crossroads.
Posted by: Exu at March 27, 2006 1:56 PM
TimeStamp: Sunday, 6:25PM
Dear Kobra Kai,
I'm currently writing to you nestled inside my cozy apt - you know the address. I read your comment on the site a couple days back trying to call out The Aqua Marines. Honestly, I'm not shocked that you try to mask your inadequacies as a stealth assassin by verbally attacking us. Your words also make up for the fact that you have a week ass arm. You couldn't even bust a water balloon when you threw it at my teammate's roommate. Pathetic. Maybe you should work out a little more often and stop drinking Tecate out in front of my door. If you want your cans you've graciously left on my door handle back you can ask for them. I figure you can take them to a recycling center and soon enough you'll get your $35 back. I know you don't have a job, so those cans are your livelihood. Just because you suck and I always know when you're at my apt complex isn't a reason to post that you think I'm staying elsewhere. Try putting your ear up to the door. I'm there. It's a shame you weren't here 30 minutes ago, you would have heard my girl screamin with passion. As for the phone number. Before you start thinking it's fake, why don't you try calling it once in a while. I'd love to play a bitchin game of Hot or Cold or Marco Polo with you. Your mom definitely knows it's my real number. Whenever she calls her name comes up on my phone as "Mrs. Kobra bu-KAI-ke." And my work schedule, it does suck that I have 11 hour days. It'd be great if I didn't have a job like you. One things for certain, I'd certainly have more kills....
Anyway, what I guess I'm trying to say is, don't try stepping to the Aqua Marines. Although it's just Dan and me now, don't forget, a young man named Daniel took down Kobra Kai when it mattered. It's only a matter of time till the hunter becomes the hunted, and you sir, will get the patented humiliating Aqua Marine crotch shot.
Semper Dry.
Captain D. Hydrated
Posted by: Captain D. Hydrated at March 27, 2006 4:59 PM
It is with great regret that I hereby disqualify myself from this kickass tournament. When I originally entered, it was under the expectation that I wouldn't last more than a few days (considering my lack of assassin skills) and that I'd be soaked before I could blink. While I'm happy to report that I miraculously stayed dry to this day, I shamefully report that so does my elusive target. Well done, Matt C, you're a damn challenging hunt, and have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that I really do suck ass. Nonetheless, I'll be leaving town tomorrow night for the far ends of the planet, and will be taking my Streetwars experience with me (sniff sniff). Good luck to those of you that remain--sorry I'll miss the celebration afterwards!
p.s. Don't worry, Matt, this is not another trap. You can email the SG to confirm my story--I really am sadly leaving the game.
p.p.s. To the SG: I promise I'll do better next time! KKK and Mordeth and Agent BK and Tuna and others have certainly taught me a few tricks...
Posted by: DarkDiva at March 27, 2006 5:07 PM
Well DarkDiva, its too darn bad that you are expiring this evening; but don't feel bad because I too am waiting for my official hour of death. When the clock strikes 12midnight, I will turn the brightly colored super soaker on myself, finally putting an end to my failures as a 2006 streetwars assasin.
As for my ghostlike tactics, half of the credit belongs to my uber, super, nemesis arch-rival, Agent BS (not bull-shit) aka Shooter McGavin, from the Flaming Dragons, who was the main reason I wasn't around more. For two weeks I have been absolutely RELENTLESS in my hunts on him. This man has escaped death nearly SIX times, including car bombs, booby-traps, ambushes, and even attacks where I was able to get in his apartment. Major fuck-ups on my part and an IMMENSE amount of luck in Agent BS's favor, have culminated in my ultimate failure and dishonor to the SG. Only supreme, mystical, fantastic, spiritual intervention may save my sorry ass.
The other half of the credit is attributed to my ninjalike skills and disguises. Even tho I apparently sucked as an assasin, my evading skills were bar-none. Not even a rogue could stop me. I was but a shadow moving from floor to floor. When I left my apartment, or workplace, I wouldn't just leave...i damn near dematerialized. You would have been better off chasing a shadow.......
Posted by: Matt at March 27, 2006 6:37 PM
fun blog. next game in SC. best kill:spitting on someone from the second floor of a mall....
Posted by: Zach at March 27, 2006 7:05 PM
The Kobra Kai Killer calls bullshit on that. Please enlighten him and let us all know on what day those beers were left.
Posted by: Kobra Kai Killer at March 27, 2006 10:31 PM
What the fuck is this shit?! While I've thoroughly enjoyed reading the former part of tis days events, and the shit talking rampage, I'm completely dissapointed in you punk bitches accepting defeat. I shot coffee out of my nose when I read "Mrs. Kobra bu-KAI-ke." and now I'm about to lose all this precious liquor I've imbibed all night from the talks of aqua hari-kari. As someone who kicks himself daily for getting water ballooned like a punk bitch in the parking lot, I cannot accept you hanging your hats and calling yourselves failures. What the fuck is wrong with you people?! To give up for no good reason? I say you keep stalking and killing until the SC tells you to stop. Don't count yourself out before someone wets you down. Stop typing away here and go out and wet somebody.
Posted by: Da SpiderMonkey at March 27, 2006 11:10 PM
soakthis:
Ouch. Paintball hurts for wimps like me. How 'bout a good ole fashioned game of Beer Pong or Hide the Tequila Shot since I'll be missing the postgame? (I know for a fact that Tuna would be interested in the latter.)
Matt:
I feel like we should exchange eluding tactics over some drinks. Apparently you and I are superstars at evading attacks but retarded when it comes to attacking. Oh well. Next time.
Spider:
Let it go, man. Let it go.
Posted by: DarkDiva at March 28, 2006 12:08 AM
Tequila? wha? who? never.
I nearly broke an ankle scaling a fence in the rain this evening, I have a bruise that resembles jesus' face, no really.
Oh, and THE LOVER, you are welcome in advance for your wonderful Tuna lunch you will find awaiting you tomorrow... muahahahah! The wrath of the Tuna burns!!!!! I'm not talking the clap either kids! Way more severe shit! Like eating pizza, ice cream, cheese cubes & crackers, and downing a whole container of milk being 'tose 'tolerant! I fucking love that shit!
Posted by: Chicken of the sea at March 28, 2006 1:16 AM
Contact your Shadow Governement Official: liveinfear@streetwars.net
Agent BK: You are my hero.
That Flamer got what he deserved, and I'm not talking about that flaming case of herpes...
Good thing you are out Joe, you will be spared the 546 hours you would've wasted trying to hunt me...
Tuna lives!
Posted by: Chicken of the Sea at March 26, 2006 5:34 PM