Always on Top

The Smokin Aces have picked up something serious...first the team leader singlehandedly took out an entire SWAT team (and avoided getting shot by breakig out with some Trinity type shit) and the next day the rest of theteam returned to the scene of the slaughter to slaughter some more...agent HB got his shit wetted.

Agent DJ did something none of y'all had the balls to do yet...he fucking methodically cut up team Post Mortem as if he was performing an autopsy, if autopsies were performed on living peole and there was a lot of screaming.

The kill leader finally revealed his secret weapon...his other team member. Agent NB used the sole Spritz Pistol for a bellini. Agent EJ was able to wet BK and was then wetted by NB.

And now, as usual...

Player stories.

The first one is freakin amazing.

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

*********************************************************************

Here is a little bedtime story I like to call:


HOW TO "DESSERT" YOUR ASSASSINS

~ OR ~

TEAM I4I EATS HUMBLE PIE


I am an actor. I live and work in Hollywood. Many of the other StreetWars players in the current game are also associated with the entertainment industry in various ways. This was certainly true of my first assassin, CB. Lets just call him: Mr. Blitz...

Monday, March 13, 2006: StreetWars had officially begun!

Around 11:00am my cell phone rang informing me I had a new voice mail. It was a brief and cryptic message stating that my assassin was currently stalking me at my home. Quite surprisingly, the incoming telephone number was not blocked. I returned the call...

"Hello, Interactive Advertising Blah Blah Blah..."

Numb-nuts called me from his office! A little web-searching and I soon knew his work info.

We are getting ready to re-landscape our front yard so I spent the next few hours outside happily working on the house. Approximately 5:00pm that evening my cell phone rang informing me I had a new voice mail. It was Mr. Blitz claiming to have spent the last six hours in front of my house stalking me. Strange that I didn't see him. The number looked quite familiar so I returned the call...

"Hello, Interactive Advertising Blah Blah Blah..."

Genius!

The next morning I received a number of messages from various casting contacts, including my Agent, informing me that there was an odd posting to the casting breakdowns which read:

"Would anyone representing an actor by the name of JS please contact us at this number: (XXX) XXX-XXXX"

The number looked quite familiar so I... Well, you can probably guess!

I quickly called up a good buddy of mine who also happens to be an excellent actor and asked him if he would like to pretend to represent me. Within a few minutes we had created the "Judith Berstein Agency" and he had become my new fake agent/manager. Lets just call him: Agent-Mighty.

Agent-Mighty contacted Mr. Blitz and, naturally enough, Mr. Blitz bought it hook, line and sinker. And why wouldn't he; after all, it was his idea to contact us in the first place! Agent-Mighty was friendly and eager to assist Mr. Blitz in setting up a fake voice-over audition as well as a fake MTV shoot. Mr. Blitz believed every damn word he heard from Agent-Mighty. Mr. Blitz was sure he was going to get me. Mr. Blitz is a punk-ass idiot.

Mr. Blitz, assured of his own brilliance, contacted a girl-friend at MTV who was also happy to help him set me up. Right on cue I received an e-mail from Ms. MTV that stated:

- - -

Hello JS,

AR, whom I think you may have met last weekend downtown, has approached my office at MTV about covering the water war for broadcast on our network. We have since secured rights to film the content and would like to begin sometime in the next week or two. I am a Producer for MTV Networks and am conducting interviews with "Assassins" and "Government Agents" alike.

I received your email from the "Shadow Government" as a potential participant. We wanted to touch base and see if you are still in the game (haven't been sprayed already) or if you already have some stalking stories to share. We obviously won't let our crew get in the way of game play and will keep them totally out of the scene. On the onset, if you feel more
comfortable with a phone interview, I understand. In the future though, we may also want to outfit players with hidden body-cams so we can catch footage without interfering.

Let us know if you are interested or if you have stories you'd want to share.

Thank you for your time,

Ms. MTV

- - -

Well, who could possibly resist such an invitation?!? I contacted Ms. MTV and assured her that I was most definitely interested. I thought: Mr. Blitz is going to be so pleased...

NEWSFLASH: Mr. Blitz gets shot dead in his own home!

I will spare you the gory details of Mr. Blitz demise, suffice it to say he needs to learn to close his damn doors at night... I now had a new assassin: Team I4I. Fortunately for me, Mr. Blitz shared everything he "knew" about me, my fake agency and my completely manufactured shooting schedule with the new assassins. Without realizing it, he had become my unwitting accomplice and mouthpiece to Team I4I... He so completely believed in Agent-Mighty that he shared with us everything he had learned about his (now my) assassins. Thanks buddy!

Here are some excerpts from Mr. Blitz e-mails to Agent-Mighty:

- - -

Yeah, so I was killed last night so now I am out of it... I was just trying to survive until Friday so we can get JS...

...I am so mad. Really upset with myself. I had it all set up and was careless and now am the big loser...

...I really appreciate all your help. Even though, I am a f-ing idiot!!!!!

- - -

Amen.

Agent-Mighty and I were able to send I4I on some fun wild-goose chases including a visit to the St. Patrick's Day parade where they believed I was performing as a leprechaun or some such thing. Agent-Mighty informed Mr. Blitz who subsequently informed I4I that I would be working on a film in Redondo Beach all weekend. Suspecting me of cheating, I4I contacted the Shadow-Government. It never dawned on them that they were being lead by the nose... away from me! Meanwhile, I was safely stalking my assigned victim.

I will say this for Team I4I, they are a pair of persistent mother-fuckers! They are casing my home almost constantly. It is a damn good thing I have a few tricks up my sleeve so they don't know if I am home or not... unless I want them to! They even followed a decoy car to go "shopping" while I was outside having a BBQ!

Mmmmm, tasty BBQ...

Team I4I also work in the entertainment industry and decided to pursue the MTV angle started by Mr. Blitz. After all, they had no way of knowing that I already knew it was all a setup. The prettier half of I4I contacted me pretending to be Ms. MTV. Lets just call her Ms. Fake MTV... "Why, yes, Ms. Fake MTV, of course I am still interested in your project..." After numerous phone calls and e-mails we arranged a time and place. What a surprise it was to learn they wanted to "shoot" me at the very production company where I4I's team leader works...

They attempted a few other shallow tactics as well: trying to enlist my neighbors help, sending a decoy assassin, car shopping, etc... All obvious ploys and easily circumvented. Their one good shot at me was still the MTV interview.

Well, the MTV interview was today; unfortunately, at the last minute I was unable to attend. A truly shocking turn of events, I know! However, I did leave them with a small token of my most sincere esteem: A letter and a small pastry.

Here is my letter to team I4I, edited to protect the ignorant:

- - -

My Dearest R, G, and C (Blitz),

~ OR ~

My Precious P/T, Fake C/Car Girl and Meat Puppet,

~ OR ~

Yo’ Blind, Deaf and Dumb,

(yeah, that’s it!)

Oh, my darlings, it truly saddens me to inform you that your pathetic attempts at “shooting” me today will have to go unrewarded. Well, not entirely unrewarded: I have sent a small pastry to show my sincere appreciation for the top-notch entertainment I have derived from watching you jump through so many of my hoops! The sweetness of the cake will surely help to counteract the bitterness of your obviously transparent, failed attempts at entrapment.

C’s over-zealous and seriously under-thought tactic to enlist the aid of my Agency was so obvious as to actually be CUTE. (Yes, you are a cutie, aren’t you dumb-boy!) Dude, I am an ACTOR; of course I would see the breakdowns... (yikes!) It was truly a shame you died so soon, I was having quite an amusing time playing puppet-master. Maybe try locking your doors shut from now on?!?

NEWSFLASH: There is NO SUCH THING as the Judith Berstein Agency. I made it up! Did you ever, even for the briefest of moments, think to try a little research? R (aka “Agent Mighty”) is simply a fellow actor and a close friend. He is also a friggin’ genius for the way he had you eating out of his hands…

!!! BRAVO !!!

With C as an unwitting accomplice, it was fantastically fun and easy to send Team I4I on a few wild-goose chases… Enjoy the parade? Well, did ‘ya??? I actually was at Nacional that night just to see if you would show up, don’t know why you couldn’t find me.

G, sweety, perhaps you should consider buying that old Dodge after all. True, it doesn’t run, but I guarantee you will get far more mileage out of it than from your lame-ass acting skills. Could you see me making faces at you while you were at the front door? Could you hear me laughing? I thought about drenching you right then and there, but the shameless display of shockingly bad acting had me absolutely spellbound. Your impersonation of CL was so insulting, she ought to slap you. It’s a damn good thing you have your looks…

R, buddy… Cheating? You have the unmitigated gall to accuse ME of CHEATING?!? I am truly shocked and offended! Take a bloody wild guess at just who’s idea it was to say I was shooting in Redondo Beach in the first place… Then again, you seem to believe a lot of what you hear from C, and we all know what a phenomenal intellect he is… I suppose I can’t really blame you, you’re the kind of guy who thinks Dodgeball is clever.

(hated it!)

Were you actually trying to enlist the aid of my neighbor? Really??? There are already two of you and only one of me. Heck, counting the help you got from C there are… well still just two of you actually, um, never mind… I can't possibly be THAT difficult to find. Just come up to my door… AND KNOCK! Then again, I doubt I would answer; after all, it isn't my job to make this game EASY for you. Instead of false accusations of cheating, perhaps you would be better served using your energy to simply play the game, you no talent hack of a clueless assassin. Yeah, that’s it dude, just keep walking around my block. No, really, you don't look suspicious at all!

After you and G oh-so-subtly (sigh…) snuck up to my front door, I could easily hear you talking behind my neighbor’s hedge. Maybe you should learn to use your “quiet voices”… Later, I walked RIGHT PASSED YOU on the sidewalk! HELLO?!?

(astounding!)

While you were busy “shopping” at Cost Plus, I was outside having a tasty BBQ.

Thanks to our Blitz-brained friend I have known who you are since the very start; moreover, I know where you work and where you live. I wonder if a special award is given for hunting down your own assassins? I guess we shall see…

Well, my sweet little kiddies, the time has come for me to take my leave of you. Please be sure to stop by once in a while and say “Howdy”, it’s getting kinda lonely over here…

Enjoy the cake!

Big Wet Sloppy Kisses,

JS

- - -

The cake was a delectable little white-rum number with flowers and leaves all over it, and in the center, written in scrumptious chocolate frosting were the words:

EAT ME, SUCKERS!

And I most sincerely hope they did, it was a truly excellent cake.

There is still far more to this story, but I must protect a few of my secrets for now... Besides, I need to go prepare for tonight's hunt. Stay dry!

:)

JS

*********************************************************************

Goddamn it! So fucking close!

I scoped the Triple K's property earlier in the day, noting all access routes and exits. Cruising back to my apartment, I got all the darkest shit I could find (and some special appearance altering tweaks, just in case), went back to work, and waited for night to fall to wreak my havoc.

I left work around 7 or 8, pulling up to the Killa's house and sneaking around the back of the block. Hardly anybody on the block (including the target) was home, so it was the easiest thing in the world to slip stealthily into his backyard, which was contained, only two exits. I tried the doors just for laughs, but he wouldn't be the KKK if he was that lazy. I spotted a stepladder out back, which made it all the easier to slip into the shadows on the roof. The only problem was a streetlight casting an indirect glow on the front part of the angle, but I found a nice shadow with a good view of the street and settled down to wait.

After just about 45 minutes, my patience is rewarded. The target's car comes so slowly down the street, I think he's run out of gas. He shows real due diligence, though, shining a flashlight into all the crevices an amateur assassin might hide. He neglects, however, to look up.

He parks across the street, but at a hard angle for me to reach before he gets to the door. I start moving slowly over to the other side of the building, he's getting out of his car, he's got a suit and tie on, this is going to be the sweetest, he starts walking.... and sees my shadow or something. All of a sudden, he starts scurrying back to the car, and my lethal stream is just short. I knew I should have done more distance tests before putting this piece into action. He jumps into his car and slams the door, flabbergasted that an assassin would have the audacity to be perched on his roof. He tries lobbing a water balloon, but he can barely see me when he looks straight at me, so it misses wide right. I say not a word, not wanting to give away any clues as to my true identity. His neighbor comes out to lend moral support, but sees that my perch affords me excellent coverage on any entrance to the house, so he says, "Well, looks like you're camping out here tonight." He climbs into the passenger side, they conference and then drive off, which was really his only option. I would have been too happy to outwait him on the street. They turn down another road, hoping to get a better look at me from behind, but I'm wise to this trick and retreat into the warm bosom of the shadows. They drive off again, I assume to jump into the safety of a bar. I wait for a while to make sure they're not coming back, and get down to go eat my Assassin-Os.

As I retreat, cursing, to the car, I realize he may still be watching
me, so I try to walk around a bit before taking off parts of my
disguise and slipping away. Your nimbleness has saved you this time,
Kobra Kai Killer, but just wait until the trickery begins.

I.M. Dryer

*********************************************************************

Supreme Commander,

It is with glee that I report the death of Post Mortem’s leader, JB. I decided to eat lunch within eyesight of my target’s workplace. About halfway through my burrito, I noticed said target entering his car and leaving his parking structure. I followed about 200 yard’s back. He parked in a lot and entered a building. I parked outside next to his car for sometime. Ate the rest of my burrito. Target came out armed but laid down his weapon in his back seat. I slid out of my car, and got a clean shot at his ribs.

Although I disassembled Post Mortem piece by piece, like plucking the wings off a butterfly before killing it, the team was quite strong. JB was a strong assassin, but after his team mates died it seemed he lost his passion.

I know my next target; they too will soon die a slow death. Possibly like that of a cockroach you step on, hear a couple of cracks, but let it live, only to play a game of kick the cockroach.

*********************************************************************

After a lengthy and close call where I shot at EJ, insisting that
I got him and him refusing through the door, I was neutralized for 24 hours by his gun.

So, without him being privy to the knowledge of NB being
reincarnated onto my team, I ushered her to his house where I gave her details and stragedy to execute on the unsuspecting victim. More of a analyst, always helping gather intel for my next target like my own personal "Charlie", she was guided to her first kill and behaved like a seasoned pro!

In less than ten minutes we had parked, plotted, and killed him without any obstacles.

I am not one to take credit for what is not mine, so i don't know whether this is a kill for myself as well as N, even though I was a part of it.
I leave the tallying in your capable hands.

Agent BK...Oneshot.

On to the next target!

*********************************************************************

Shadow Government Officials,

Despite your doubts my Supreme Commander, the Kobra Kai Killer
made a failed attempt to moisten one of the elite Aqua Marines. That
punk bitch was caught in a gun battle the likes of which have never
been seen. He was clumsily waiting outside of my bunker last night,
when the unskilled "ASS"assin was yapping away with one of my
neighbors. I suppose he foolishly thought that I, an elite Aqua
Marine, would dare give my punk ass neighbors any pertinent
information.

I saw this sucka grinning like a priest in a playground while he chatted with my female neighbors. I suppose he's not used to
females. Not only that, he also did so while foolishly holding his
water gun in plain view. I was like, "This mothafucka is getting
smoked." While most would run like a bitch, The Aqua Marines attack
with more skills than you can shake a stick at. I instantly sprung
into action by racing towards kobra kai.

A guardian angel was looking down upon him because he just finished the conversation as I came his way and he saw me as he luckily turned from the door. I fired a shot from my pump action assault rifle and found that its range was two feet less than needed. He fired back and found the same to be true of his weapon. A gunfight broke out, we're talking "a fist full of dollars" shit here. Shots were exchanged, and kobra kai surprised me with a water balloon. Unfortunately for him, he wasted the element of surprise with a limp wristed throw that landed far short of wetting such an elite soldier. After his pathetic miss, I decided to take evasive maneuvers and lose his punk ass. I escaped down my stairs and promptly waited for the fool to leave and strolled dryly, ashy even, into my home. Note to kobra kai: The Aqua Marines will remain dry.

Semper Dry

*********************************************************************

HB (R.I.P.) has been soaked beyond recognition as of 9:40PM.

His funeral will be closed casket as the damage was beyond repair.

9:15 - Agent Lover and I roll up to his crib. Brief discussion of strategy and position ensues. No convo needed; we've been training. We're ready.

9:25 - cock my gun. Cock my cock. Cock my mojo.

9:37 - Bergman and team roll up. They (girlfriend, friend) exit the car with confidence...convinced the SWAT has scared us from the game. We're made of steel, lest they forget.

9:39 - run up on bergman like scarface. Frightened by my presence, he trips and flounders on his back. It's all over but the tears of his loved ones...

Booya!

Smoking Aces