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Game Updates/Player Stories

Prime Numbers

March 26, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 5:08 PM

17 is a prime number...it is also the number of players remaining in the tournament.

We began with 200...now we are left with 17.

This has been an amazing rate of wettings.

If men as tough as me could cry, rest assured I would shed a tear of joy...

But no, all I can shed is blood. And I have. Often. Sometimes even belonging to the innocent. I can't really help my badassosity.

Anyway, pleasuring myself with the written word is not my goal here...my goal is to let you know that you crazy kids are on the brink of making assassin history.

Every single Streetwars tournament has run into Sudden Death. With a bit of effort on your part, you can end this early. One of you can be crowned as the most deadly assassin in Los Angeles, simply because of your own efforts. No Sudden Death, no special rules and circumstances, victory solely based on your skill at evading and wetting.

I want history to be made...so, I'm going to help you a bit...

Remember my Rogue Assassins?

Yeah, they will be after all of you now - solo player and team, those with many kills and those with few...none of you are safe.

Wait.

Read that again.

None.

Of.

You.

Are.

Safe.

Now, let's see if we can't reach the OG prime number by week's end...

Player stories follow...

Agent TG upgraded and uninstalled Death 2.0

Agent JF smoked Arcance Apaches like a pack of Kools

Agent CS got stoopid lucky...he thought he was attacking his killer and safe for 24 hours...instead, he hit his target, Agent JF.

Agent CS likely used up all his remaining luck with this next kill...after mistakenly killing JF, he acquired JF's target - a friend of his that lived in the same building. I say "lived" because homey is wetted now - bye, bye Agent GW

*********************************************************************

Agent II, leader of Death 2.0 was killed tonight. Awaiting next assignement. That's three for Agent TG. Spread the word, I don't fuck around.

*********************************************************************

Your Dryness,

Arcane
Apaches.

All
Axed.

Aim
Low.

Around
Around
We go.

Drip, drip..

-Finkle (Agent JF)

PS - That's two solo agents and two teams under my belt. Rogue-worthy? (I had to ask :). One things for sure, I must be inching closer to BK's or KKK's contract. Until then, I will continue to serve the SG.

*********************************************************************

so a funny thing

I got a call from a neighboor saying there was someone in our building. so in making sure i didn't get killed i lauched a water ballon attack. hitting him first.

but it was not the guy hunting me. he was hunting my neighbor. but as it turns out, he was my target. so he is now dead.

JF fell this evening. he was on a hunt for his target. but the only water he saw was from me.

smithy

*********************************************************************

I just got waxed by Team CS and JG, so ya, uh... damnit! Oh well, let me know if there's anything i can do to still be involved. Good shit SC, the buzz on the streets of LA is off the hizzee. Everyone I tell gets all pumped up and want's to play. So come back to LA soon. More so I can commence some serious revenge on my two friends across the hall. What are the odds that their target is my assasin and they see him in our building coming for me and blast him. Then con me into a late night "there's someone in the garage" routine and kill me when we get down there. It was wise of them to exclude the fact that they killed JF. I would probably have shot them both just to be safe. But alas I am dead.

*********************************************************************

I killed gw in the parking deck of his apartment. he got wetted.
and was not the wiser...cause I live in the same building as he.

*********************************************************************

Comments

After 2 weeks of living in the shadow. I show up at my assassin's doorstep, hunting his next door neighbor, Bob's your uncle, and I get taken out by accident in my assassin's defense. What are the odds???

For shame, CS. For shame. I hope my card gives you a paper cut.

Oneshot and KKK: You're lucky wee men. I was just warming up, but I bid you adieu and hope this post finds you dry, as I'm sure you'll continue the wettings in my absence.

Posted by: Former Agent JF at March 28, 2006 9:30 AM

Ha ha... Agent Apaches and GW...

As for GW, no shocker he was taken out from someone within his impenetrable building...

Posted by: soakthis at March 28, 2006 11:10 AM

Dear Da SpiderMonkey,

Just wanted to clarify something here. I did not by any means give up. On the contrary I continued hunting until the very last moment i possibly could. My final demise was being neutralized yesterday morning while I was stalking my target.

After waiting until 4AM for my target the previous morning/evening (a no-show), I returned the following morning around 11:30AM to find that his car was parked in the perfect spot for killing. I crouched behind a concrete wall 10 feet from my target's car, expecting to get the jump on him. Then it dawned on me...I stupidly left my wallet with my streetwars ID in my fucking car up the damn street! This was the last possible time I could get him since he comes home from work at 3AM and I would've been kicked out of the tournament by then with my One kill, so I decided to go for my ID. Everything after that is just a blur. I quickly leave my post to go to my car and....SURPRISE! My target is creeping towards his car at the EXACT SAME MOMENT, dual weilding two long distance soakers, and manages to score a few drops on my right leg as I shoot my 12ft. range handgun, and strafe to the left. Not only did I get neutralized, but I didn't have my ID on me...so it was GAME OVER!! sucks that it went down like that, but its my fault for forgetting the ID. just plain stupid on my part.

The ridiculous thing is that last saturday I hunted for him the entire day; and in similar fashion my plan was foiled by pure chance.

Last saturday I hadn't yet figured out his work times (he is currently freelancing on some movie) and it was about 2:50AM on sunday when I started feeling a little sleepy, so I attempted to go get a red bull from my car and WHALLAA! As soon as I left my killer spot, he comes cruising around the corner and blows my cover again! unbelievable.

Its just crazy when you think about it really. In probably 40+ hours of stalking Agent BS from the Flaming Dragons, the TWO times I go to move my position, he shows up and turns the tables. needless to say, you won't see me in vegas anytime soon.

But as far as quiting goes, you got the wrong dude.

BTW, are you still in the game spidermonkey? Perhaps the SC will utilize my services to show you how much of a quitter I am...muwahhahahahah

haha.

Posted by: Agent MC - aka Matt at March 28, 2006 11:12 AM

Those Chi Squad girls should really ease up on the snacking. YouWillBeDrenched@yahoo.com.

Posted by: Drencher at March 28, 2006 1:06 PM

Wow, quiet around here today. I guess no one wants to give anything away.

O.K., I'll start:

(sound of bottles clinking)

TEEEEECEEEEE, COME OUT TO PLA-AY.

Yeah, I watched The Warriors recently.

Can you diiigggiiit?

Posted by: Not Me at March 28, 2006 5:31 PM

I've lasted this long.

My target's a bit hard to get.

My job is in the way of a lot of things, plus my responsibilities.

but i survive-- my work parking lot is gated. My home-- although I'm vulnerable there, so is my assassin.

the only way to find me is if you find out what I drive.

All I know is that tomorrow, I'm most vulnerable.

I want to see if I can last the weekend. And i know my partner can't be found unless he wants to be found.

well, I'm just rambling. We've only made one kill, but I wasn't there. I had a unique correspondence with my first assassin, but she's gone. And I'm having trouble getting our guys.

It'll be fucking hilarious if I'm one of the last five.

fucking hilarious!

Posted by: Oldboy at March 28, 2006 6:21 PM

Mr, MC, you can call me Gino. Thats much better than what I had interpreted. I applaud your giving it your all and not giving up. That one post where you talked of turning your soaker on yourself bugged me. If you stayed alive that long, you shouldn't go out like that. Sorry to hear you got killed, but then again it was an honorable death.

I was killed last week, but we can find out how much of a quitter you are at the next drinks for the dead. First round on me.

Posted by: Da SpiderMonkey at March 28, 2006 9:25 PM

I should be called Agent Down Syndrome, because that's what my brain turns to everytime I try to make an attempt at soaking someone. I effed up 2 attempts within 20 minutes of each other tonight, basically because I'm lazy and don't spend the extra 5 minutes it takes to park my car around the block. Maybe it was the OBVIOUS photographer from WPN.. man those guys keep cramping my style. I thought if I could get a kill with CNN on my back, then this hipster would be a piece of cake. No, absolutely not. Scottypants's roommate is like a 8 year old girl who tells on her teacher everytime he hugs the children for a little too much longer than neccessary, or shows them his "special pickle" during show and tell. That douchebag needs to get a girlfriend.

I know it wasn't my retardedness that got me into the last 17, so it must've been those child support threats I called the SC with... baby's daddy need to get his shit straight, streetwars ain't feedin my babies! Get a real job motherfucker!

I digress...

I'm good at elluding my assassins... just not good at hunting them. I don't know if it's a good tactic to be nice to my targets and ask them if they will be letting me shoot them or if I should just give up and go home. Oh well, not every assassin can be "deadly."

I am now going to drink myself into a coma. Streetwars has ruined my self-esteem.

Sincerely,
Agent Tuna

Posted by: Chicken of the sea at March 29, 2006 12:21 AM

Hey Not Me,
I'm feeling a little special, all called out by the warrior.

You've got the addresses, and I'll be at both of them during the course of tomorrow.

And bring those bottles, cause after the showdown, I'm gonna need a victory drink.

Prepare to be neutralized!

XOXO

Posted by: Lady T at March 29, 2006 12:33 AM

ahhhh, Tuna... buck up, lil camper!
The Reverend will not taunt u. I will not slap salt on your wounds.

I will say this: If ever there was an attempt worthy of the Lame Crown, it was ours tonight. Ours... not yours. Target WW can verify this for u. we sucked so much ass, it's not even... wait, it was actually.. funny. hilarious, in fact... even bumbling... definitely Lame.

Posted by: The Reverend at March 29, 2006 2:33 AM

Well, I don't know if you will see me today (of course I'm not going to tip you off as to when I coming. I mean, come on. I'm using a pseudonym for my pseudonym).

I did, however, take a stroll around both of those addresses yesterday (yes, in the pouring rain. It's called commitment to a bit.).

Posted by: Not Me at March 29, 2006 7:00 AM

To my killers,

If you had read my earlier posts (or googled my name, for that matter), you would know that the proper offering for Exu is a full bottle of cachaca and a cigar, not empty hotel mini-bar sized bottles of cheap-ass merlot.

How do you expect to succeed if you can't attend to details?

Meet me at the crossroads.

Posted by: Exu at March 29, 2006 8:36 AM

FREE TO A GOOD HOME: 8-10 squirt guns of varying size and pressure. Most housebroken, some a little leaky. Owner dead, can't care for them anymore.

I've been dead for about 25 minutes now, and it feels exactly like I thought it would.

It's awful getting killed in the morning, where you have the rest of the day to think about why you didn't pay more attention to that little sound you heard, why you decided not to bother checking the place that you yourself had looked at and said, "If my assassin hides anywhere in my building, he'll hide there," why you didn't just take off running as soon as you felt like something was different. You can't even get drunk because you have to go to work; being dead is no excuse.

Well, I had a good time, though I wish my second target didn't have the perfect situation for avoiding assassins (home office, live-in girlfriend, secluded dead-end street, vigilant neighbors, no regular hours and possible prior StreetWars experience, anyone?). I knew that I would get totally immersed in this and not be able to pay enough attention to my work. It's probably better for my career that I'm dead.

And now I think: how much of my life was being watched? Did my late-night drunken singing and playing have an audience? When I was crying watching The Remains of the Day, was someone there crying with me? Was I not really alone shaving my balls this morning? I suppose I'll never know.

So here's to you 15 or 16 assassins left, in better apartments than mine, who haven't let your guard down, who will eventually, who will continue for another week or so. I wish you all the best, especially whoever's hunting BK, cause that guy needs some wettening. You'll never know the terrible Weapons of Moist Destruction I was cooking up in my woefully under-secured laboratory. Perhaps they can be had... for a price. I hope to see you all at the end-of-tournament party, especially Tuna, cause I finally got them smooth as eggs. You know what I mean.

Posted by: CH at March 29, 2006 9:24 AM

I know who has BK.... and you know who you are. How's the hunt going?

Posted by: AC at March 29, 2006 9:40 AM

No doubt GINO! heheh GINO! To Funny! at one point I was totally on your tail (not in a gay way) b/c I knew the Dragons had you as their target. I couldn't get to you though because the guy who had you, Maxx, was protecting your info...LOL. I won't divulge my sources yet, but I will definitely be at the next drinks for the dead, any idea when it is?

On another note, Agent Flaming BS, i'm a little dissapointed with you today tho. Its been two days since my demise and the Tuna still hasn't been caught?? WTF? No way maaaan? Not for anything Tuna, but you're easier to catch than herpes in a las vegas strip club....

goddamnit, i am soo pissed that i didn't see the message about the challenge until it was too late. I spent all day sat-mon hunting and I couldn't get the streetwars page to load on my lame ass phone. being dead just sucks.

Posted by: Agent MC at March 29, 2006 9:56 AM

OH I understand the "commitment to a bit", having spent several hours standing in rain around my own target's abode. I toast your efforts!

And you were around yesterday, were you? Perhaps you saw me, face pressed to the glass in the bosses office, watching the rain come down as i gazed longingly at Starbucks. Or perhaps you just missed me as I took an extended lunch in order to drive to my target's workplace, hoping to catch him coming and going from lunch. (Bastard had it delivered... oh I hate him).

Today's schedule: Work, then home to feed the cats/change clothes. After that, Stalking the target..... home for second time much later.

Whenever & wherever it happens...I look forward to our meeting.

Posted by: Lady T at March 29, 2006 9:56 AM

Lady T,

I didn't see you at work, but I think I spooked one of your neighbors.

It's a shame you're so busy tonight. I was going to offer to buy you a drink.

Posted by: Not Me at March 29, 2006 11:24 AM

Sethnodrog, you must be confused. If you think it'd be "a shame to douse such a sneaky little bitch" like me, well then that's unfortunate. Let me explain the point of the game to you. You (my assassin) are supposed to squirt me (your target) with your water gun. It's a little late in the game, you should've caught on by now. Also, quit complaining about false information.

Posted by: NoMoreLames at March 29, 2006 11:49 AM

MC - I hope you get paralyzed in a boating accident

Smokin aces - You put up a good fight, but the wrath of the Tuna has prevailed.

Time to celebrate!

Yeast infections for all!

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Posted by: The Mayo at March 29, 2006 11:53 AM

Not Me,
Drinks? see.... a girl can be plied if the alcohol is tasty enuf.

As to spooking the neighbors *small evil chuckle*, I'll be kind and give you a heads up that one of them is LAPD. I left him a note about the game, so he should be a good sport... but thot you might want to know.

See you round....

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