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Your daily kill stories

The Facilitator (1) facilitated AVK's (0) exit, and drooled on him in the process

It is bitter sweet I inform you I have taken out my target.

When I first opened my envelope my first words were “Wow he’s hot, sucks I am going to kill him”  

I went out Monday night with a friend. We waited and waited and waited. Just as we thought we might call it a night my target left home. He was with another male (hot as well) and we followed. I was not 100% sure this was my guy so we followed quietly. The two men walked into a bar and we followed. I just wanted a good look. Before I knew it we were having drinks and chatting away. I tried to get them to leave but they were not having it. I did not want to cause suspicion and since we had already exchanged numbers I called it a night and the gentlemen paid our bill. The next day
he and I arranged a Wednesday night dinner date, I was excited and had to remember I had to keep focused. Today he called and I feared he was onto me. He told me he was playing a game called street wars and he had arranged an “attack” for the same time we were going to have dinner. He asked if we could change the time we were going to meet. I told him I needed to see this to believe it so I would tag along. I was the official camera girl! All along he had no idea I was hunting him. So I went along with it and when his plan fell through I lent a shoulder to cry on. I waited until after dinner and drinks right before he put me in a cab, I popped hi ass.  Yes I got two night of drinks dinner and almost video of another assassination.

MayI have a new target please?

MC Pee Pants (1) killed Agent Sapphire (0)

Agent Sapphire was dispatched this evening.

I took the subway to Forrest Hills to stalk her in her own hood because my previous attempts to wake up early enough to attack her enroute to work were met with failure. I arrived around 8pm and scoped out the building for a few minutes, choosing a spot to surveil the entrance…this year’s game started later in the year so daylight was scarce this time of night…I’d have to stay close enough to the building to make a positive ID.

Sitting down on the steps to a business adjacent to the apt building, I fiddled around on the cell phone for an hour or so and savored some fine Honduran tobacco, expertly rolled by the torcedors at Partagas…after all, one does not need to be ascetic, only patient. My attempts to gain entry to the building by accompanying various deliverymen were met with confused rejections…obviously THEY knew death when they saw it.

Around 9:30pm, a woman emerges around the far corner of the block and walks towards the building entrance…she spoke on a cell phone…eyes furtively watching activity on the street…no doubt she was the spotter. I made an effort to not notice her and prepared my weapon at my side…she disappeared and reappeared twice…erroneously focusing her attention on an admittedly sketchy kid circling his street bike in front of the building entrance…she thought he was the assassin! Moments later the target emerged from the same far corner of the block…sprinting towards the building entrance. No positive ID was necessary…I knew I had my target. Yet she didn’t even draw a weapon! A quick chase to the building entrance ended with two direct hits…once before she got in and one more for good measure after she failed to barricade me out of the entryway.

Agent Sapphire didn’t put up a fight at all…but she is without a doubt amongst the noblest of prey…for after surrendering her card she and her spotter invited me into the apartment for a victory joint! The spoils of victory, indeed!

Wide Eyed (1) killed Arch-Nemesis (0) of Los Murderosos

this morning
after waiting patiently for many hours
took aim
and killed
the lovely,
but unprepared

Arch-Nemesis

sincerely
agent equidistant
of team
wide eyed

T-Boogie (1) killed Jesus (0)

Agent T. Boogie has assassinated target. Jesus is no more.

Agent T. Boogie waited several hours early this morning awaiting target, as target left for work, he was shot by a double barrel watergun. Target seemed confused and shocked by his own stupidity.

Bushwick Country Club (3) killed the Violator (0) AND Agent Nizaris (1)

On behalf of Team Bushwick Country Club I am pleased to report that as of 6:54 pm eastern standard time M.A. ceased to saturate. We are eagerly awaiting further instructions for our next target.

then a bit later...

Team Bushwick Country Club would like to report that as of 9:30 one R.B. has been eliminated.  The kill was the culmination of a 3.5 hour late night stake out, a 2 hour early morning stake out and excellent intel.  The fact that the target was carrying an umbrella in plain sight on a beautiful morning set him up perfectly for a textbook pincer maneuver.  We feel that more disclosure would divulge sensitive trade secrets.  That said we are more eagerly than usual awaiting further instructions.

Agent TJ Kee (1) dispatched Agent Lobovski (0)

Mr. British whiny ass is no more. Told you, your girl from Jerz had some skills ...

Posted the kill story on the blog. It wasn't stealthy. Honestly, it was like I stumbled on him. But when I did, I let it rain.

I'd stalked out his job earlier today, and cased his condo complex on Monday night. Was a bit discouraged, b/c my attempts at intimidation were backfiring. (I am sooooo getting an anonymous email address now.) So tonite I went around the other side of his complex, and there he was, waiting for his homeboy to bring his water gun. Too bad.

I pulled out my pic of him, made sure it was a match, and then sprayed. No questions asked. Gotta say it felt good. Redeemed myself in my own eyes. I know who my next targets are. He was kind enough to give me the dossier (complete with all the info he'd worked so hard to collect).

(And since Li'l Ms. Abacus has so politely declined my sapphic advances, let it be known that Ms. TJ Kee ain't opposed to being part of the harem. That is ... s'long as she's the Queen Bee)

Team Hashish (1) gave Blue Care Bears (0) a BIIIIIG hug

With pipes and pistols blazing, the Hashish Assassins snuffed out one S. R. this morning after several fruitless days of stalking. The skills of this crew are not to be underestimated, but the luck of the gods was with us as we literally bumped into our target outside of his normal operating zone - but with luck this good, the skill is just a bonus. Team
leader made the kill - and yes, he will smoke you too.

Our target was gracious and obviously a talented assassin; we would have liked to see him finish off his prey, but when your bowl is cashed, so to speak, your time is up.

J27 (1) saw Agent Cee (0) , and Agent Cee saw water

What a day. My first kill!

Tonight at 6:35 pm I took out Agent Cee.

Three days of elaborate planning paid off. I knew I would never get him at his home or work, as he had an eratic schedule.

After some sleuthing, I found a post of his on a motorcycle enthusiast web page. He had a bike for sale! I e-mailed him... but it was already sold. We struck up a rappport, and a day later I told him I was going to look at another bike, but I could use another set of eyes. He volunteered to HELP me!

We set up a meeting a few blocks from his apartment. At the set time, he sent me a text sayiing he was on the NorthWEST corner. As I was walking up, I spotted him on teh NortEAST corner... with his pistol in his pocket.

I nonchalantly walked past him, making sure to not make eye contact... then walked about 200 feet, turned, came back.. and BLAM! WET!

He was in shock... but we had a good laugh.

HIGH with my kill, I came home... walked PAST my door, came around teh block, stuck my key in, opened teh door to teh vestibule... and BAM! Then I got WET!

DAMN DAMN DAMN!

This was great. I killed... then got killed. Karma's a bitch!

The Hebrew Hammer (2) nailed J27's coffin (1)

J27 is no more.

Around 7:15 tonight he was shot down in the back as he entered his house. Had I arrived a split second later, he would have managed to close the door behind him. I had more luck than brains in this one and I had lots of brains in this one. It just didn't help me.

Team Dog Face Magoo (2) finished Agent Osado (0)

At approximately 6:30pm target Agent Osado was gunned down on the corner of 26th street and Madison.

After collecting intel, Team Dog Face Magoo posed as an attractive female friend of his and communicated throughout the week via email. Foolishly, he divulged his after-work location to his winsome female "friend." Luckily for DFM, he would be a mere block from where we planned to munch on delicious burgers from the Shake Shack. After wiping Shak Sauce from our hungry blasphemous mouths, we strolled through the park and went under cover as "random people sitting on park benches." A quick call to his office confirmed he had left for the day. Burgers digesting, we stared in disbelief as he, several moments later, showed up EXACTLY when and where he said he would. Indeed!

Completely oblivious, he strolled across the intersection looking, for all intents and purposes, as if he didn't have a care in the world. Maybe his few days of dryness had left him feeling invincible? He went down without a fight, apparently on the way to kill his own mark. We went home with his identity card, full stomachs and the sweet taste of victory and sirloin lingering on our tongues.

Team Marxmen (2) did the stairs on Ken Masters (0)

At 7:25am we gave B.S. his long over due shower.  After long hours of recon work and intelligence supplied by allies we were in position to assasinate our marx. We set up directly in front of his apartment and waited for him to meet his death. During our wait we were made by one of his friends who called him and warned him about us. Even with this info that was supplied to him he was unable to avoid us. When he stepped out of his apartment his only option was to run. Not being a very fast runner and only packing a 99 cent water gun I was able to run him down and soak him. Second Marx Second kill.

Agent Makavelli of the MarxMen awaiting our next assignment.