Deluge

First, before we get tto the stoires, here a quick recap of who done did the wetting:

The Hebrew Hammer devenomized the Viper
Nizaris wettified Agent Tuttle
Dead Cell removed the aridness from Agent Kurgan
Dog Face Magoo made their name sound less sucky by undrying Agent TJ
Globex snuffed out The Smoker
C17H21NO4 was too pure for the Captain...he died of a liquid OD
Look Over Your Shoulder's advice was not followed and Agent Cottonjaw met a watery demise
Bushwick Coutry Club irrigated Dr Evil
Marxmen splashified Agent Darian
In a battle of Greek Mythological entities, Apollo killed Icarus
Peter Stevens dampened Agent Dillard
Blue hosed down the full girthiness of Agent Fatz

...and now, the stories...

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Dear Supreme Commander,

I would like to tell you about the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Well, I guess the Viper will tell you about the agony of defeat. I will focus on the thrill of victory. You asked me to call you at 12:02 and report the first death. I apologize for violating your orders but I gathered you're probably satisfying your harem around midnight so I am sending this report instead.

I left my house well before midnight. I figured most players will still be mindless of other assassins right after midnight and it would make it easier for me to take down my targets. Alas, the team leaders were not yet posted on the website and I had to go at random after one of the team members whose information I received in the dossier. If I'll make contact with a target and he's not the team leader, my cover is gone. So the advantage of going after a target this early in the game does not come cheap. But adding a notch to my kill list and the fun of hunting someone down when they least expect it, seemed well worth the risk. Of the three team members, two at work at a restaurant that only serves dinner. They probably don't wake up early and might return home too late for me. Not to mention one of them leaves on the outskirts of civilization (Brooklyn). The third guy has a corporate job and probably doesn't stay out late.

And so I decided to go after the Viper. I made it to his house around 11:15pm. By using custom made espionage equipment, I verified that the target was not inside. I decided to ambush the target outside and get him as he returns home. It was a quiet place with very few people passing by. I found a place to seat across the street and kept watching his house. A janitor cleaning front stairways along the street became suspicious of me (I guess the smell of the finest weed to come out of southern Lebanon didn't help soothing his anxiety). Not wanting to draw too much attention, I walked away. I waited for the target on the corner of the street, (I had my reasons to believe he'll arrive from that end of the block). It was already after midnight. I was afraid the target might take a cab back home and I'll completely miss him. I started walking back towards the target's house, hoping the janitor won't be there anymore. As I approached the target's house, I saw the janitor was just about to leave. Just before leaving, he looked around, maybe making sure I'm not still lurking. I tried to duck behind a van just in front of the target's house and maintain a normal posture at the same time so the janitor won't see me while not drawing too much attention from other people. I ended up looking like a white man dancing. During my performance, I saw the janitor finally leaving and as I turned around, I saw the target walking along the other side of the street. FUCK. He must have seen my stupid act just in front of his house, realized who I was and now was trying to evade without drawing attention. He walked passed his house (but on the other side of the street, I was in front of his house). He was probably walking towards the bar at the end of the street. I won't be able to take him down there, it's a safe zone. Clever of him. I started walking in the same direction trying to look like I'm minding my own business going all they way to the other end of the block. Before I came up with an alternative plan he was already in the bar.

He is probably having a drink inside looking for me through the glass door. I should have intercepted him on his way to the bar. There's no way I'm gonna get him now. Fuck. Shit. FUCKING SHIT. I refused to give up, though. I ran around the block so he wouldn't see me going back to his house. I waited for him again, across the street from his house, hiding behind a wall. I waited no more than a minute when I saw the target approaching. He seemed very lax. I intercepted him right after he crossed the street, 10 feet from his house. The target was so surprised that for a second I thought I got the wrong person. But it was him alright.

He turned out to be a cool guy. He took his wetting very nicely. He was a little bummed out that he wasn't even able to make it back home on the very first day of the game. He said he didn't see me on the way to the bar. He was very impressed that I went after within minutes after the game started. He didn't have his ID on him. He didn't even get the dossier yet. One of his friends went to get it and they haven't met yet. He didn't know who the team leader is but he was certain it's not him. He offered me a smoke but I didn't want to stay long. By staying and talking I might give him valuable information that he'll pass on to his team leader. So I decided to leave.

I blew my cover. But it was well worth it. I still feel the rush in my veins. When I returned home, I was afraid someone else might pull the same trick on me. I took extra precautions and made extremely evasive maneuvers before returning home. Finally I got into my hose. Back at home, safe at last. It felt even better when I checked the game blog for updates and found out that The Viper was the team leader after all.

Awaiting my next assignment,
Hebrew Hammer

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My Lovely Government,

This fine morning I was shot by my assassin. The only thing is that I
thought that the 'game' (READ: way of life) was starting tonight at
midnight. [REDACTED] I have come to terms with the nature of why I may have lost the game, and understand that an assassin need must
be on top of these things, as well as the sneaky dark stuff. If I must wait until next year, then I will prove myself then. But [REDACTED] I will not let you down. Either way, thank you shadow
government...

OK, I figured it out, I'm dead. Tell me if you need anything DONE.
Yours,
Agent Tuttle

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Agent Nizaris reporting for the next assignment...

Tuttle left his premises @ 7:50AM...
Agent Tuttle was assassinated today @ 7:54ish AM, on the day of his
birthday.

Do I get extra style points for killing him on his birthday? Just a
suggestion.

Ciao,
Agent Nizaris.

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The Kurgan is dead
tod is 08:05
Killed by phire

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At exactly 8am Monday the 25th Team Dog Face Magoo eliminated target Agent TJ on the south east corner of 92nd and Lex. The target was marked by Jacques Bauer and Nina made the kill, two shots to his belly and one to his left side. The victim's I.D. card was collected and Team Dog Face Magoo awaits further instructions.

DFM

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target: The Smoker

team globex assassins: dr. pickles and brock

kill location: barrow st. at 7th ave south

kill time: 8:29am

synopsis:

a smooth operation. dr. pickles and brock left at dawn to stalk their pray at his formerly safe home. meanwhile, agent mayday waited at his place of business. although agents brock and dr. pickles allowed for an early exit time for our victim, a.k.a. the sucka, said sucka left at a predictable time. due to his obvious lack of skillz, and our unending supply, sucka was neatly removed from play. no fuss, no muss, no more sucka. let this be a lesson to the rest of you, get up early for work and don't be a sucka.

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Actually I don't know his agent name but his real name is [REDACTED] [cottonjaw], and he's dead. He's one of the 3 people I knew going into this game and you guys gave me him. So I invited him out for one of our daily smokes (he works around the corner), made sure we were in fair game territory, patted him down to make sure he wasn't carrying a piece and popped him. I also threw him off the trail by having someone else send him a email taunting him.

Agent Look Over Your Shoulder

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agent icarus---i ansured my door tonight--2 girls selling candy-age 13--15 years old,one of the girls said want candy-i said no--she said you bobby--i said yeah ,she of course shot me -had gun under candy box--& said i got ,you your dead---i said ok----gave her my gun ,which i had in my other hand-behind door,,,& gave her my id card--no problem,,,,,,,,,then while we were talking 3-4 minutes later ,some other guy walks up & shoots me---i said im already out--,,he said there not in the game -they were only helpin me,,,,,,,,cool game --be back next year...

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at 8:27 PM on 109th St and the corner of 103rd Ave. I killed my mark, Agent Darian. My team member followed him to the train in the morning and saw where Darian parked his car. So My team member and I waited for Darian to come back out of work. I waited for 2 hours for Darian to return to his car. Once he walked passed the back of my truck, I jumped out and sprayed him. He immediately knew he was dead. One shot, one kill.


This is Sous Chef for the MarxMen.

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Commanders,

Agent Sinister has been eliminated. He was worthy, and may have blossomed into a fine apprentice assassin had his contract gone to one like himself. In the end his inexperience was his undoing. Counting back to last year he is the sixth assassin I have sent to a watery end, in your cold hearts you knew he never had a chance.

--
Mr. Peter Stevens
Congress Occultus

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My kill report was to brief, and I did indeed have assistance. I went to my targets job which was a liquor store and saw that it wasn't even an open business. The place place was still under construction and awaiting it's grand opening. so, I now knew my only choice was to get him at home. Luckily my ex-girlfriends family lived very near to my target. I knew that if I went to his house I would stick out like a sore thumb, so I employed my ex-girlfriends two younger sisters as a distraction. I bought a box of M&M's, and had the girls pretend to be selling them for some school charity. They rang his bell while I waited to the side. The bait worked and my target came to the door. I gave them some water pistols for fun, and we all gave him a good squirt. He was ready as well, and came to door with a gun himself, but that was also his failure, he should have never opened the door himself. As a result he had a taste of good old H2O.
Agent Apollo

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To the Sucka who tried to kill me tonight, I know what you look like,
and REMEMBER MY NAME!!!!!!!!

As I walked home through the dark streets of New York my natural
assassin abilities (Its a sixth sense that picks up weak game) told
me there was something wrong. As I got to my door a short man, with
pathetic game turned to me and asked me for me name . . . With a quick draw that would put Wild Billy to shame I dropped his ass, Shook his hand, thanked him for the weak attempt, and walked inside.

Commander please have someone remove this corpse from in front of my
house, the smell is scaring my ladies away.

- The Big Lebowski

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[END]