Hard Rain

Wait!

Before the stories a little message from one assassin to his killers:

From Agent CrustyAsses:

Message for my new assasins:

Ahh so I see that the stakes have been raised and a team of female assasins (possibly a third male) have been hired to hunt me down. I just wanted to point out three things to youse:

A) chicks are an inferior species than males, so you already know what the end result will be. Mind as well give up now and go back to cooking.

B) Instead of using fancy gadetry like digital cameras to zoom across the block to identify me, try just looking straight ahead. Also I don't know if you were trying to pose as tourists, but if so try looking like one instead of a hippie from the Village. You guys stood out like a Injun at a 7-Eleven.

C) Did I mention chicks are weak and have a feeble mind?

Ok...Now the kill stories...

Dead Cell (3) sunk the ship of a weak-ass pirate, Blackbeard (0)

He died(again) at 802 this morning. Upon finding out
that we had to take him out. I decided it was time for
me to once again kill. I allowed my teammates to
handle it for 3 days after the whole ruling incident.
It was time to end this. I headed to his school around
630 am this morning. We were going to form a web
around his buildings when they opened. I knew i had to
kill him before his invinciblity kicked in. A sleeper
cell and I made it to the square 730 we did a quick
sweep of the area and then i planted him near an
entrance. I swept the sides of the street. Another
Teammate took a post across the street from where i
told him to be.Why? i do not know. Anyway mr
illustrator stuck out like a sore thumb because he did
exactly what i yell at my teammates for doing. He was
walking around with his hoodie up. He would have
gotten inside the building had it not been for the
security guard who wanted to see his id. That woulda
changed the whole operation. even though i had a full
list of possible rooms this kid could be in. But the
second he put his bag down i came around the corner. I
shot a brutal H2o load on his face so much so that it
dripped off his glasses and the only witness could
smile . I am sorry supreme commander i forgot to lay
the afghan goggles on him as discussed but i just
wanted to be in and out. We have along way to go catch
up

Dog Face Magoo (3) irrigated the canals of Vordy (1)

Team Dog Face Magoo reports that Brian Vorderbrueggen was wetted down by Agent Nina after the team had put in hours of recon work on our charming target over a period of several days. After failing to catch our man Monday night, the team knew we would have to change up our strategy. Agent Nina posed as a prospective renter in Brian's lovely luxury building. After being given a tour of the entire building, Nina was able to stay seated in a plush leather chair in the building's lobby for an extended period of time. Bladder overflowing (almost), and stomach rumbling, Nina decided she was weak, she had had enough of this shit, and left the building. Feeling dejected and low, she asked a kindly man for a lite for her stogey and began to walk in the direction of the train...and the direction of the target's office...At 7:05 her man appeared on the same side of the street, looking nervous, and carrying "something or other" under his jacket. She knew in an instant she had him. She let him walk by. She turned, just as he was reaching for his gun, and shot him in the back. His gun had jammed. It was a close call for Nina, for brian was a worthy adversary. They chatted it up, exchanged war stories and parted ways. Brian, Team Dog Face Magoo salutes you. We are now going to get shit faced while sippin' on gin and smoking some sweet sweet greens.

DFM

The Repler (1) went all liquid Hiroshima on Agent Fukyamama(0)

It's official, time of death - 6:24 PM.

Agent Fukyamama was a tough customer - I've never had so much trouble getting a girl wet before. Apparently this one never comes home and likes to sleep in. What can I say - tonight was the night. I nailed her right after work. She took it like a good girl. I squirted one off all over her gorgeous legs. It all happened so fast, but when it was over we were both left shaking from the experience.

She put up one helluva fight, tho. I had to chase this bitch (I mean that in the nicest way) through rush hour traffic up Lexington and she fuckin threw a goddamn dumpster on wheels at me. Those fuckers are heavy and hurt like hell when it comes into contact with my kneecaps.

REpler

Guns'N'Hoses (2) rocked Ykarious (0)

At approximately 9:41 in the PM, one Agent Gimp [LINK REDACTED - pointing to the bondage loving of the killed agent] was shown the ropes of how not to be an assassin when he was picked off outside the PATH train station in Jersey. After gaining entry into Agent Gimp's chamber I waited patiently for several hours in his hallway. Feeling as though he might elude me by staying at a friend's place I began to retreat back to the big onion. On the way down to the escalator in the station, the face of my target emerged before me heading up the stairs. Eureka! I quickly began to run up the descending escalator like a hamster on a wheel. A few steps outside the station, BLAZAAAM!! Lets just say that he's a step closer to getting into water porn now. Bring on the next freakaleak.