Slow children.

Look Over Your Shoulder (2) taught a lesson to The Professor (0)

First off, to all the Agent Pansies who took a picture for identification purposes three or four weeks ago and then started growing facial hair, or dyed your hair (ladies), you are weak, your tactics obvious and you should be put to sleep.

I killed a lawyer this time, fiduciary this motherfucker, although he'll probably find a way to weasel back into the game. After waiting outside his work for two days, bribing a bag lady with cigarettes and money to watch one of the exits while I watched the other I finally went straight to the source. I parked down the street from his apartment and planned my kill from every direction. Within five minutes he came walking down with a friend. He didn't look much like his picture but he was nervously looking around for me so I knew I had the right guy. I walked up to his door, then ran, heart racing, started shooting, bam, one to the kneecap, bam, one to the gut, bam, one to the heart. He moved around, trying to dodge the shots, made little yelps and pleaded with his friend to hurry up and open the fucking door. He was nice about handing over the I.D. and now he can have a drink with the rest of the losers on Sunday night. Hopefully the Shadow Government plans to lobotomize all who show on Sunday and rewire them with a shred of killer instinct.

Agent Look Over Your Shoulder

Sprout (1) took down Team Squirtaroos (0)

Commanders,

I would like to report the death of Agent 515 of the Squirtaroos at appx. 7:40pm this evening.

A worthy kill Agent 515 had remained practically untraceable. Whatever recon I had been able to do came up empty handed, and the personal leads I had made all fell through. Agent 515 remained quite elusive. Making a daytime stakeout to avoid a technical elimination, time ticked away and misery was creeping in. I was feeling hopeless.

Before going home I stopped into a nearby bar with my girlfriend...(what?? Assasins have girlfriends!!!). As we walked in, the Target walked out, My girlfriend made her, (thank god for girlfriend) and I went back out and Shot her with a tiny pistol, a closerange piece if you will. It was all over. The Agent took death gracefully and offered up some serious intel on my next kill.

Turns out Agent 515 was entertaining guest from Denmark, who got to witness the kill. We went back inside and had a drink Red label for myself and a yuengling for the Girlfriend and Agent 515. Agent 515 also gave me her gun and wished me luck!

Looking forward to my next target,

Lucky Agent Sprout

Agent RM of Team Heldentod reporting a very weak attempt on his life.

On the first day of the game, I received an email from one "Oluwa
Smalll " explaining that he is a film
student at Long Island University and is shooting a documentary for
class about StreetWars. He said that he got my email address from his
girlfriend, and assured me that he was not a player and simply wanted
to complete his film school assignment. I recognised this immediately
as a weak ploy to draw me into a trap, and responded simply by asking
him who his girlfriend was. He reponded that he didn't want to give
her information out, as she is a player in the game. I responded by
asking how his girlfriend knew me. He said that I was her target and
that's how he got my email address. A true amateur move, expecting me
to be willing to sit down with a member of the inner circle of my
assassin for a chat. I responded and told him he had his interview. I
told him the time and place to meet me.

My well-disguised decoy arrived right on time to the meeting place. A
short interview took place, and the 'agent' asked if he could get
some shots outside the bar. Clever move. My decoy reports that within
moments of stepping outside, he heard squirting and felt the fluid on
his back, followed by a polite "ID, please" from the 'agent.' "I'm
not who you think I am..." replied my decoy with a sly grin. He was
even clever enough to get a photo of the disappointed 'agent.' You
will find it attached to this report.

Be well, dear abacus.
-rm