NYC 2006

It's peanut butter jelly time!

October 9, 2006 - Posted by Li'l Abacus at 12:22 AM

Current status...
Total game kill count: 98
Current kill leader: Bushwick Country Club (10)

Yes, it's after midnight on week two. That means, if you don't have two kills or if The Shadow Government has not deamed you worthy, you are dead. It's like a drunken game of grab-ass over here. I'm reassigning your targets, if the case need be. Do NOT proceed without word from The Shadow Government. Word is bond. Props to all the fine livered agents who showed up to Bushwick Country Club tonight.

In today's update

• H2 Uh-Oh (2) stuck in the Donuts (0) hole
  
• Wholesale Liquidators (4) gave the bidness to The Sparrow (3)
  
• Despite Yom Kippur, The Hebrew Hammer (4) eliminated both The Facilitator (1) AND Team Globex (4)
  
• Repler (2), whom I have no pun for, wetted UnAliaS (0)
  
• Team Shark (3) ate Spooky (0) like so much chum(p)
  
• The T.o.W. (1) said hello and goodbye to Escobar (0)
  
• Big Money (2) shot The Foot of Team Awesome Awesome (1)
  
• Team Awesome Awesome (1) laid waste to Ashtray (0)
  
• Pilot (1)went on a kamikaze misssion with Der Master-M�rder (1)
  
• Bushwick (10) eliminated all parties in Aegir's Maw (0)
  
• Blue (2) painted over Pink (0)

  Kill stories after the Van Halen song...

  Your daily kill stories

  Wholesale Liquidators (4) gave the bidness to The Sparrow (3)

  It's football season, and Wholesale Liquidators� is your headquarters for tailgate delectability!...

  Have you tried our Poultry Party Platters? Treat your family and
  friends to our exotic Sparrow with delicate mango chutney. The
  Sparrow is a delightful bird to watch and a difficult one to capture,
  but that doesn't stop our trappers from delivering this savory
  delicacy to you, our loyal customers. PETA and other annoying
  friends of The Sparrow protest it's capture, but truth and justice
  rule the courts of your appetite... mmmmmm good, plates dismissed!

  Here, now, is a word from our spokesperson, Oates!, of acclaimed duo
  Agents Hall & Oates...

  "While that diva ho-bag Agent Hall was getting a mani-pedi, your hero
  Oates! went all solo! I was like, Daryl, you can rock out with your
  cock out or sit out with your clit out. So I got me a backup band to
  hunt the Sparrow through a wildlife preserve, watchin' him, seein'
  his every move, yeah-ah. It was an intense hunt, predators and prey
  ducked in and out of shops along the protected area until the elusive
  bird escaped, unscathed. We regrouped, travelled to it's nest, and
  waited patiently. The Sparrow returned, with a wack ass
  environmentalist. When I pulled my gun, the tree-hugging hippie fuck
  shot me in the face. But, determined to deliver flavor and savings
  to you and your stupid family, I ate the assault, stayed focused, and
  shot the Sparrow dead a second before the bird bit back.

  "I learned a couple things from this mission: One, when it comes to
  finger-licking scrumptuousity, Wholesale Liquidators� is the Shocker
  of your taste buds. And two, I gotta renegotiate my contract, cause
  the only wetness Oates! takes to the grill is some juicy muff. Still
  rockin the 'stache, ladies. Still rockin the 'stache..."

  "unparalleled beauty...
  unbeatable performance..."
  WHOLESALE LIQUIDATORS�

  Merchants of Death�

  
  Despite Yom Kippur, The Hebrew Hammer (4) eliminated both The Facilitator (1) AND Team Globex (4)
  

  
  Dr. Pickles provided shitty images, and unlike my previous victims, successfly hidden his online identity. But all that didn't help him. I paid a visit to his hardware shop several hours after receiving my new target info from the SG. He wasn't there and I assumed he was hiding in the back. But I got enough information from this visit. When I ambushed him outside his place, I recognized him by his dog which I've seen in the shop only an hour earlier. With his father watching the event in horror, NS was slain today at approx. 5:30pm. With him the whole Globex Co. came down in way that made Enron's fall seem less disgraceful.
  
  HH

  
  Repler (2), whom I have no pun for, wetted UnAliaS (0)
  

  
  With many thanks to Agent Fukyamama for providing crucial intel on my target, I was able to take down Agent UnAliaS with a fatal water balloon from behind at 7:25pm. He was carrying a bouqet of flowers for the anniversary with his girlfriend, and I ruined his jeans. You should be wearing khakis anyway, Dan, it's your anniversary for cryin' out loud.

  On my way back to Hell's Kitchen I picked up three hotties at Rockefeller center. The details are classified for security purposes, but let's just say I gave these three ladies the ride of their lives.

  - REpler

  
  Team Shark (3) ate Spooky (0) like so much chum(p)
  

  
  Supremest, Mustached and last but not least L'il Abacus,

  Team Shark has rid the undersea world of yet another bottom feeder. Agent Hammerhead had been reminded just last week by the clever L'il Abacus about the tasty Moreby Bay Bugs way Down Under.

  Having never sampled the delicacies, Agent Hammerhead began the long, tortuous swim across the sea. This would be the farthest Team Shark had ever traveled in search of sustenance. After a first failed feeding attempt during which the Bugs sent out the shark alarm, this time we swam more quietly.

  Tonight, after more than 4 hours of circling as silently as a shark possibly can, Agent Hammerhead spotted the small quivering crustacean. The poor creature was stunned with the first strike and willingly surrendered.

  Alas, the feeding left Team Shark somewhat bitter as the Bug claimed to have quit being shark bait several days earlier. A lame lobster, indeed.

  Team Shark hungrily awaits your next underwater species targeted for extinction. We need to cleanse our palates!

  We remain, at your service,

  Team Shark

   

  Contact your Shadow Governement Official: liveinfear@streetwars.net