Why The West Coast Sucks.

Well, I finally gave old Boris the Blade the axe. In the end, all I had to do was drive an hour to his handball practice in the middle of NOT San Francisco, pretend I was remotely interested in handball (and not completely, 100% unathletic), and then play for 10 minutes, trying desperately not to touch the ball. Fortunately, the inning (quarter? period?) ended soon enough and I could squirt the sweat from Boris' face with the icy "water in my little pink pistol. To be honest, I think he quite enjoyed it .

Oh and PS, for the record, the 9 goals that the "white shirts" scored while I was on "blue shirts" were totally unrelated to my presence. I swear.

To the man with the dog last night...pathetic attempt! Was that your girlfriend you had on the leash? Next time, try moving your fat ass quicker, maybe join a gym? I saw your lumbering figure approaching a mile away. Try a little bit of stealth; you ARE supposed to be an assassin.

it's so quiet here! i check in from time to time, and then i wake up suddenly, reaching for my gun, realizing that i've fallen dead asleep in the mausoleum (nausealeum, even) that is the SF Streetwars Blog. it's that kind of waking where you've dreamt that you've just fallen off of a cliff, or a log, or an airplane wing, or the bed perched atop the platform, and you wake up screaming, hoping that no one saw.

i'm safe here, though - all of you are sleeping too.

zzzz....

zzzzzz......

i should fly out there and squirt your asses.

*hrmph*

I can find my target, I have left myself open to my assassins... WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE!!!

I'm GETTING BOARD!

Send a rouge mother fucker after me please!

Thats it, I'm getting drunk and squirting the next fucker that looks at me.

First off I'd like to clear my affiliation with the "would-be" assassins, as the Supreme Commander had put it, that are making West Coast have a bad rap. I've killed 2 targets in less than a week and have been gathering data of my current team target for the past 5 days. I now know what bars they go to, their favorite lunch spot, what other exits are there BESIDES THE FRONT DOOR of their company, etc. I do not think you assassins are trying hard enough. Striking fear into the marrow of their bones is quite pleasing but only use it to lure and identify your mark. (Childish games) Some of you are probably asking, "why don't you shoot him already." The answer is simple. I cannot break the rules and quite frankly there are times when it wouldn't be wise to kill at certain places. And believe me, I've shot account executives with the flashy silk suites in a very nice restaurant thinking it was my mark. I know when I can or can't kill especially if you cannot get a clean shot and without exposing you plan of execution.

And forgive me for stepping out of place, Lil Abacus, but West coast does have some well played assassins. Some have been in hiding and others proactively hunting their prey. The team of three (1337) played a good fight but in the end I think their size may have just been their downfall. I would like to shatter this tournament with my Lone Wolf style and defeat who oppose me. I represent the San Francisco Bay Area and I will uphold the honor of our assassination community.

Taken unaware? Hah! My only real regret was not wetting you as soon as I opened the door.

I saw Agent Stone standing outside smoking his clove cigarettes before I even left. I watched him for a good several minutes before I opened the door to leave. Upon leaving, I still watched him closely as I made my walk, and it was just a bad judgment call on my part to assume it was safe. I still unloaded a tank into him, but it was too late.

Kudos to Team Emmanuelle for finally getting me on the 4th (known) attempt, though.