Como te Llamas?

Agent Bozo (3) proved that The Men With Golden Guns shoot blanks (0).

H

ey Shadow Goverment, 2nd kill report below, it is a bit long feel free to
cut bit's out or ask me to shorten it if this is a problem!

Agent Bozo with[ Specially Assigned Rogue Agent] takes out the Roach Brother aka Nick Nack and Scaramanga aka The Men with
the Golden Guns.

Hmmmm, Nick Nack and Scaramanga! these two were particularly elusive little
Roaches!
Getting into the Team Leader Nick Nacks apartment complex was hard enough,
one Entrance, several security guards, numerous cleaners and maintenance
workers, surveillance cameras everywhere and absolutely no cover.

However fortune was on my side, in the end if you don't play by the rules
expect to get wetted! On Sunday morning I was contacted by the Eevil Midget,
a supremely cunning, evil and highly trained operative from the Shadow
Government. The Eevil Midget informed me that she was going to hand the
Roach Brothers to me on a plate for some grievance that they had caused her
in the past. The intel I got was that the pair of them would be lurking near
a pub in Borough between 5 and 6. I was obviously suspicious that I was
being set up and approached the Pub in question with extreme caution, I am
pretty sure that if the Eevil M had wanted to I would be still be lying in a
pool of water near that pub. In the end there was no sign of the Roaches and
I had to be satisfied by watching the football and leaving the pub in one
piece after being in such close proximity to such a dangerous individual. To
be honest I never even saw the Eevil M leave.

Anyway, Monday and the Eevil M is back in contact informing me that I was
being assigned Agent Tota to aid me in the hunt for the Roaches. After
meeting at a neutral location with my hand on my gun ( I was still
suspicious of a double cross ) and deciding we'd take one brother each we
made our way over to Nick Nacks Island. I had already been to the complex
once and that time had to make a hasty departure as I think I may have been
detected and consider myself lucky to have escaped dry as I'm pretty sure
all the security guards were carrying supersoakers on them. In the end the
kills were a very tiring drawn out affair. It involved me gaining entrance
to the car park and lying in wait for about 3 and a half hours. The fact
that I somehow lost my lighter after 20mins and also desperately need to
piss after 30mins didn't help. Agent Tota was initially carrying out long
range surveillance with a set of binoculars from a crane nearby and was
making my life a hell of a lot easier by informing me which out of the rush
hour of individuals entered the building matched the targets description.
Then later gained valuable intel from the security guards about Nick Nacks
whereabouts as well as distracting the guards from their rounds.

In the end, I advised [Rogue Agent] to attempt a hit at the Scaramanga
residence in case the two brothers were there together. Also the sun was
going down and I was in a prime location whereby Nick Nack had no chance of
getting to his front door dry.

However, I was wrong! Somehow the slippery buggar got round me undetected! I
still feel somewhat shamed that he eluded me and at the time I was about to
resign myself to the fact that I might have missed my opportunity. Despite
this minor setback I decided that I should hang around on the off chance
that he might put some rubbish out or something. Then at a point when my
bladder is about to explode and I'm considering rubbing two sticks together
to create a lighter for a fag there is suddenly light at the end of the
tunnel! From my concealment I find to my amazement that Nick appears to be
getting ready for a night out. And so I readied myself! then out the
front door he came and out I came, he wasn't even armed, he tried to run,
but didn't get far and was dead! He then informed me that he'd lost his card
but his brother was outside with his one! I couldn't believe my luck, I know
I was supposed to leave the brother to Agent Tota, but knew that the Eevil
Midget would want both of them taken out as quickly as possible and that
Scaramanga was even more difficult to track down than Nick Nack. It was
simply a case of strolling out to Scaramangas car, weapon in hand, demanding
his card, informing him that I'd been sent by the Eevil Midget and that a
price had been put on his head. Without his team leader Scaramanga no longer
wanted to remain in the world of the living and I was to happy to make his
wish come true.

Basically, Don't try and impersonate the Eevil Midget! She doesn't like it!

FFF (4) is still clocking it with K786 (1)

Enlightenment.

It was whilst practising my Ashtanga yoga positions in the rain outside my targets house this morning that something dawned on me. Could the fact that I only require 2 hours sleep a week and 1 meal a month be an unfair advantage that I have over other Assassins?

I pondered this dilemma as I levitated 8ft above my targets door, waiting for his imminent departure.

After some raised eyebrows from the postman and a couple of commuters I decided to adopt the more conventional position know as Bush.

My target didn’t account for Bush, which was unfortunate for him.

Graciously, my victim rewarded me with another weapon to add to my arsenal. Top man.
FFF

Deekoy (3) easily tames The Wild Rover (0) straight after a shot of Team Delta Whiskey (0)

A new dawn, a new soaking as Deekoy strikes again.

I was told he was unassailable. I was told he was a ghost like apparition. I
was told he wasn't of this world. All of of these were proved wrong with a
swift stream in the kisser!

The Wild Rover, has clearly had a bad week. Frustrated by his own target,
stricken with food poisoning and now leaving his home unarmed. Again it
wouldn't have made any difference it was all over before he had a chance to
think let alone speak. The single shot to the face may seem a tad
unnecessary to some particularly given the the completely compromised
position of the target but it's clean and effective, no arguements. Truth be
told it's also a lot of fun. What is it about head shots that's so alluring?

The deceased took it all well, again nice guy and it does seem that he
possessed a certain amount of skill in (legitimate) misinformation with
regard to his previous assassins. But now alas he is gone and I am hungry,
sausage sandwich I think... er I mean "for blood".

Deekoy

Shadow Government,

Team Delta Whiskey have been Tangoed.

Although the option of picking my way through the team was enticing, a busy
last few days of counter espionage work as a sub contractor meant that
precious time had already been lost and efficiency became the order of the
day.

Once again the assassin's best friend "patience" came to the fore. DW team
leader on the way to work. Unfortunately for him (and his no doubt rather
unhappy colleague) he left his home unarmed having feared that he might
already be out of the game, could he be clairvoyant or did he just find out
who was after him and wisely decide that resistance was futile? Either way
it wouldn't have mattered as he didn't see it coming - double tap to the
back of the head.

Thoroughly nice chap I'm glad to say and so I look forward to dispatching
their target soon, apparently he's hard to track down. Funny, that's what my
previous victim said about him.

Deekoy

H2OhNo! (1) screamed so at the hands of the Guailo (3)

hello, this is JGuailo writing, as promised, the down fall of team H2 O NO.

The story is short and come in two parts.
Part one. a good start bread, cheese and meet, washed down with mango,
which I rather regretted as the strings lodged themselves between my
lest than perfectly formed teeth, grabbing a tooth pick I fingered it
would give me something to do wile on the stake out. a rather
unpleasant trip all the way across town long rather wet and a little
disorderly, A-Z socked by a dodge water bomb, 'blast' I say. upon
arrival at my targets house I was pleased by a number of things, first
one exist to building, then communal stair door way broken and thus
open, gated door that swung out, giving me plenty of time when they
exist. After taking up a position the floor above the team leaders
house I started the stake out ritual a rolly to pars the time. a
little later on the gate swung open, fag and water bomb in the left
hand pistol in the right a snuck a few looks to see what was a foot, a
builder took a few furtive look up and down the street then retreated
in to the house. Unusual I though, I was staking out a girl, did she
live with her father. The builder took along time coming, out, I move
my surveillance position closer to the stair when I court the full
face, it was the teammate. There was more to this duo. I move silently
down a few steps and waited for my pray to round the corner, the
rattle of bike and tool box, concealing his own weapon, and the
preoccupation of his own deadly thoughts brought him to me, un armed
and mentally unprepared. it is the single contraction of the face
which conveys so much,. in one instant, I could see the shock,
surprise, dismay and disappointment, the internal though of 'I'm
fucked'. I shot him in the face before my "good morning" he responded
with hushed "oh no" he presented me with his card, a scuttled back to
his bed. Durden is dead.

decided it was best to try another position having disclosed my
primary, I move to the building across the street, slipped in the
communal door with the paper boy. Then there was a long wait, plenty
of time to whittle thee mango out of my
teeth....
so long I began to give up. I had wonder what was going on with this team
did they in fact join at the hip of occasion. Had they swapped
addresses to mix things up? Why was he not going to work and where the
dickens was she? Tried cold and needing the loo I gave up. And when
out side, rounded the corner reluctant to give up and not entirely
shore what I should do with my water bombs I stole a couple of looks
round the corner hope to catch a glimpse of some thing, and then there
it was I tiny slip of light emanating from the bath room window, I
hurriedly resumed my position in the building opposite, and awaited my
pray. They appeared cautious, my new target dressed up to the 9s
blonde hair bike mask. They approached the corner where my first
victim fell with due caution, I am no fool I was not there. They work
them selves down stairs, two bike bags, and buckets of paranoia and
adrenalin. Stopping by the door readying themselves with there bikes.
Fearing that she was going to physically ride out her front door, I
broke cover, darting across the street. I can only assume the it is
the utterly frightening experience of having my face bearing down upon
you that sent them in to panic, I pulled open the door, as people
bikes and bags, fell in to disarray, I tossed a water bomb and then
another wanted to get ride of the ungainly weapons as quickly as
possible, I loosed my pistol to fire a couple of shot as she run back
up the stairs. in the panic she had left her gun. But it was two late,
some where in the mad ness she was hit and there fell Kelly Kapowski.

next please.
Guailo

Morning SG,

Just reporting in that the devious Agent Guailo (I think), managed to decimate team H2OhNo! this morning. Owing to myself having a trigger finger itchier than the crotch of a 2 dollar whore, or maybe I'd been jammin' on crusty white too much, I'd blasted our mark in a safe zone last week. As a result I then assembled the best damn builders attire in town in order to get into the targets building and pass unnoticed. However so pleased was I with this that at 6.55am when I left to carry out the execution I didn't see my assassin hiding on the stairs waiting for me to walk out of the door. Two blasts to the face and I, Agent Durden was a dead man. He'd been there for 30 minutes and had come from the other side of town, curse his commitment.
I went back into the flat where Agent Kapowski was asleep, woke her and planned her escape. Two and a half hours later we had to leave for work, she had her wig and other 'throwing the scent of the track accoutrements' on. I went first, scouted the building and the outside completely, no sign of him. We then just had to go for it. However he came charging at us from behind a door, panic ensued, we got trapped in a corridor and a water bomb took out Agent Kapowski. It's been emotional guys, and a real shame we're out despite our best efforts. We both do of course remain your humble servants should the need ever arise....

4Strength4Stam Leather Belt (3) successfully attacks Agent Kax (0)

Agent Cax was taken down outside a crowded bar late yesterday evening.

After giving us the slip earlier in the morning, the "Doctor of Disaster", Agent Cax was living on borrowed time. We don't allow anyone to get by us that easy. Not twice, anyway.

Following a tip-off that the target was in a safe zone, Agent Deluxor hastily assumed a disguise and dashed across town to the area. Using classic bait-and-switch tactics, the target was lured from the safe zone. Senses befuddled by exceptionally fine company and strong liquor, he never saw it coming, a quick clean double tap and it was game over, his assassin vanishing into the night as suddenly as he appeared.

PC O'Connell, who witnessed the event from a doughnut shop across the street, reports "This guy comes out the bar... the next thing I see he's screaming like a girl, lying in a puddle on the pavement".

The Surgeon (1) quietly en-graved his initials on Babaloo (0)

Dear Shadow Government,

How are you? Long time, no speak...
I do all my talking through the medium of ultraviolence. Just dropping you a line to confirm that I've iced my target. Babaloo put up a valiant struggle and gave me a tooth gnashing amount of grief with her random working hours, but my patience was rewarded with a satisfying chase through the streets of victoria, where she finally succumbed to my superior squirting. With her final words, she passed the baton with two water bombs - may the other agents take note of this honour in death. A worthy adversary. She handed me the file of her target, but not her own agent card. Do I go after this target? I've got a taste for it now. Send me another face to rearrange.

The Surgeon