Once Every 3,000 Years...

Here's our story...

After our lesson last night, Agent Dodo 2 and I decided to look for Mr Stephen Reynold's home. It took us a while because there wasn't any order in the house numbering of that long street he lived on. We walked around trying to put some sense into the numberings. After about half an hour of searching (and with a training knife in Agent Dodo 2's pocket just incase some stupid f*ck tries to mug us), we finally found it. We parked our surveillance truck a distance away to avoid suspicion and walked towards the door.

The lights by the hallway/door was alight. Yet the rest of the house lights were dimmed. We walked to and from his place, looking for clues if he lived alone or if he was sharing it with... his mommy. There was a dog sitting just outside his door, staring at us... like he was a robotic machine deviced to watch out for suspicious assassins and intruders. We walked past, and the dog followed. We really thought he was a robot. Paranoia.

We were devicing a plan, figuring out which way was the best to bring him out of his door. We parked the truck closer to his flat, but not too close that he might see us. We walked to and from the door again, figuring out different ways of luring him to open the door. We had a team meeting at around 11pm. By 11.30, Agent Dodo 2 stepped out of the truck and walked towards Mr Reynold's doorstep. While on his way, the door opened!! *creaaaak*.... and a head (with glasses) popped out, looking very paranoid and scared.... he looked to the left.... to the right... and silently slipped his head back in again.

Agent Dodo 2, panicking from the ordeal where he could have been recognized by his target, walked off 'normally' towards the surveillance truck and past it... and kept on walking towards the bushes ahead of him. He looked back, hoping that Mr Reynolds wasnt looking anymore. Agent Dodo 2 crawled underneath the branches and hid behind more branches. He was standing right across me (in the truck), and telling me, in sign language... that "Mr Reynolds... two eyes poked by finger... me... run... scared and stick my tongue out and my head explode.... shiver".... Apparently he meant that Mr Reynolds has opened the door and peeped out to see who was outside his property, while Agent Dodo 2, ran like a scared... dodo.... with eyes wide open (like a deer that's about to be road killed) and is worried that he might have been recognized by the target.

After that exhaustive event, Agent Dodo 2 decided to come back into the surveillance truck and wait til the morning because we have realized that Mr Reynolds is aware and paranoid. (Isn't everyone paranoid at this hour? lol). At midnight, Agent Dodo 2 and I decided to call it a night and we popped out our contact lenses (that means we're both blind and its definitely time to rest). We fell asleep right then.

At 6am, I woke up due to the shivering cold as it was pouring rain like mad!! God damned son of a rain!! How are we gonna attack our target now? Oh well.. maybe the rain will stop in an hour or so. I went back to sleep.

At 7am, our alarm went off. Agent Dodo 2 was pissed and swearing because of the rain. (He rarely swears.) But we both wanted to be done with this and get rid of Mr Reynolds as planned. We moved the truck closer to Mr Reynold's doorstep. And we put back our contact lenses, cleaned our faces with baby wipes and put back on our smelly socks and trainers, and had a mint (no toothbrush - phew!).

At around 8am, a man came out from the same place where Mr Reynold resides... we went after him (in the rain). He disappeared when he got to the corner. But Agent Dodo 2 thought that it couldnt be the one as he wasn't wearing those funky glasses. We went back to the surveillance truck and reloaded our water pistols which kept on running out of water for no reason. (Must be a water-pistol-water-sucking gnome in the car).

15 minutes later, the suspect stepped out of his door. He stood there for a few seconds, looking left to right. When he felt safe, he turned around and started walking. With an umbrella in my left hand (it was still pouring, and I'm a girl!), and a water pistol in my right... I put my arms around Agent Dodo 2's arms pretending we're just innocent by-walkers. We followed Mr Reynolds to the corner of the street. When he turned, we went for the kill. Agent Dodo 2's world champion legs went off like a road runner. Mr Reynolds looked back and saw us, and he ran as fast as his legs could take him. He walked up a small flight of stairs and wanted to turn around to go back towards his flat. Wrong move, I was waiting for him by the other side of the stairs.

And that was it. We got him.
Was well worth the sleep over in the surveilance car.
Now Agent Dodo 2 and I are back at work as normal.
We just got our new target, and will be going on the prowl again tonight. :-)

***

Heil Master of Commanders and 70's porn star Mustache Stud..I got the fucker this morning..

another fantastic wake up call at 6 but the guy was suppoesed to be at work before 8 so I didnt want to leave anything to chance..The apartment building was so hot I was sweating like a pedophile in a playground..Wait and wait and wait..the block had 7 exits so I had to get him outside his door..I was so splattered on the wall holding my tobacco breath and my gun leaked..I got dead womans fingers..A little noise..My heart went like I just had a 3 yards long line of Colombian chisle!!! And I iced my targets arse.So...yes..I made my bones.. got his card..who do I kill next? will you email me the photo? will i have to hook up with an agent in a dangerous crack house? or in some public toilets crowded with the maladjusted in order to get my next manila envelope?.. Always at your service.. faithfully and fearfully yours

***
And swiftly, I am dead.
I can feel something is up as I go about my morning routine: quick shower, quick shave, quick shot. The disquiet is palpable but indistinct, until a sudden insight gives it a name; my peephole shows light. The lights out there are motion sensitive. Something is moving in the corridor. Fucking nothing is ever moving in that corridor this early. And I know that shit is to go down.
I attempt to find another way out of my flat. Jump? It's five storeys. Abseil? Dig a quick tunnel? No. Draw and face the music.
Sure enough, a nameless assassin apparently totally wired on sleep deprivation, adrenaline and maybe schnapps appears out of nowhere as I open the door. I defend myself as valiantly as is possible before 8am, but there is nothing to be done in the face of such ruthless determination. I acquiesce.
Rinseout out.

***
"I was coming home after failing to spot the monarch down in Docklands, it was past 10pm when darkness fell, my target didnt live very far away from me. I spoke to him on msn the previous night posing as a girl from university who have found his profile online and needs help with something which is within his field of profession, but i knew he was well aware that it was his assassin after him! I turned the corner as i left the station, to my suprise, a guy was talking on the phone and looked straight at me, i looked at him and recognised him straight away! He didnt think much as he was on his phone. The moment he turned the corner i knew he would get into the station and i will loose him, so i ran after him and sneaked up behind. Then bam bam! I got him!, made a 2min 30 sec video interview after i had got him, next time it will be an action video!"

***
At 7.53 this morning Agents Durden and Kapowski of team H2OhNo! eliminated Whiskered Warrior. After a stakeout in the bushes by the bins across the road from his abode using stealth mirror tactics. He walked out oblivious of his coming demise. Agent Kapowski then stalked him down the street. Whilst Agent Durden provided further back up from a distance. Kapowski closed in from behind and said the one word that everyone can't help to react to, their name. He turned around and Kapowski then blew a soaking wet hole of pure H20 into his chest. Oh No! He indeed did exclaim as he collapsed to the floor in the pouring rain...

***
Greetings Commander,

I got my first kill last night, Andy Jones who works for the London paper. I don’t think he has a lot left to write about streetwars.

Once I had found his flat I decided he probably wasn’t going to come out, so I decided to just knock on the door and start shooting when it opened. It was unfortunately his flatmate, but after a small squirt and the look on his face that showed he knew why I was shooting him I made an apology and asked if Andy was in, at which point he showed me into the house and into the living room, where I proceeded to shoot my real target. He was none too pleased, especially because he didn’t think the game had started yet, and he thought that his house was a safe zone. More of a gangland execution than an assassination really.

Anyway I asked for his ID card and he just gave me his envelope assuring me everything was in there, but when I got it home there was no ID.

***
Dear Commanders,

After catching up with the blog I am writing in with what I assume to be the fifth kill of the game. Shout it from the rooftops, Agent Toast is… toast.

Yes, following a night/day double-stakeout and some ethically dubious defensive tactics from my target, Weng Tan, aka Agent Toast, has been dowsed by Tim Gomersall, aka the Canary Killer.

Canary On Toast

After receiving my dossier on Sunday evening, two things were immediately apparent.

1) This guy was the punk I had shared a drink and some banter with at Liverpool Street whilst waiting for my briefing. He knew my face.

2) This guy worked in the next building to Marylebone Station. He was safe from his local tube station all the way to his desk.

So my options were severely limited; I had no choice but to opt for the tried & trusted apartment stakeout. At least I assume that’s what’s tried and trusted, but what do I know? I’m a first timer. For all I know it’s standard streetwars procedure to rent a helicopter and drop water balloons down chimneys.

But my helicopter being out of commission just now, the apartment stakeout it was.

By 7:15pm I was outside his apartment block and confronted with the standard security door. A quick follow-the-neighbour manoeuvre soon saw me through, alive with the thrill of non-malicious trespass. The organically-scented elevator took me to my target’s floor, where two things greeted me:

a magnificent view (exhibit a)

the smells of a delicious stir-fry wafting from Agent Toast’s kitchen window.

So appetising was the blend of hoi sin and pak choi that I was momentarily tempted to down weapons and enquire politely if there was a spare place at the table.

But no, not that evening. It was time to…well, to go home. After all, the man was eating dinner, bunkered in for the night. Plus, if he was anything like me he was on edge, liable to treat any door knock with the same trust you reserve for the clipboard-monkeys on Tottenham Court Road who say they ‘just want to talk’.

So after noting a higher balcony perpendicular to my target’s own (L-shaped building, you see…) which could serve as a sniper platform, I went home and watched two episodes of prison break. (I think they might just escape you know, that Michael geezer’s plan seems pretty solid).

By 7:00am I was back in position (this time bypassing the security door with help from a thoughtful lady who actually held it open for me while I trotted the last twenty yards). There was no sign of light or life from within the flat for the first hour. The only excitement was having to spring to my feet and hide every now and then when my target’s neighbours left home for work.

…then, at 8:45am the door opened. Adrenaline pulsed. Hairs stood on end. And there before me was... wait a minute, what was this? His girlfriend? Turning the lights off after her? Damn! All had been in vain! Two stakeouts, no result.

I half-heartedly performed my now-instinctive walk-along-the-balcony-like-I-lived-there routine, but foolishly looked back over my shoulder. And she made me. She was looking me in the eye. But what was this? She was turning around. She was returning to the flat… which meant only one thing. The game was still on!

Yes, my cowardly chump of a target had sent his human-shield girlfriend out on a scouting mission! All bets were off. My vantage point was rumbled and counted for nothing. I ran back in the building, got down to his level and waited on the blindside of the T-junction that led to his balcony.

There is no clearer sound than the sound of someone trying to open a door without making a sound.

As soon as I heard it, I jumped around the corner and splashed him square in the chest. Compared to the heavy rain that had been lashing me for the previous two hours (exhibit b), Agent Toast got off lightly.

Mercifully I was able to complete the assignment with no collateral damage to the human shield.

And Agent Toast rather sportingly bequeathed me his two stealth-pistols (exhibit c) which will serve me handily for my next assignment, when hopefully my target won’t, you know, have SHARED A FREAKIN’ BEER WITH ME THE DAY BEFORE!

I await my next assignment, Commanders.

Wettest regards

The Canary Killer

***
my man got me. But he was outrageously lucky, hope he can keep it up.
and to think i had high hopes for my hit rate, being an ex highly trained
killer of men for the Queen!!
ballbags
hope it all goes smoothly,
Les

***

Well,

Got his work address and found it, walked passed the building and he actualy came out at the time
to stand outside with his mates having a smoke(smoking get you killed). I nipped into a shop but before that I heard him tell his mates he could be shot at any time, big mouth just confirmed him self target aquired. I was waiting in a shop next door knowing that i cant shoot him infront of his work. Waited About twenty minutes and her he comes stroling passed and I got my brightly coloured highly accurated water gun and ran up behind him and soked the poor mans head. WHAT A RUSH

***