London Bourne 2007

The Art of War

August 19, 2007 - Posted by Eevil Midget at 3:01 PM

Total Kill Count: 44
Current Kill Leaders: FFF (3); Shed Squad, DFB, Count Wilhelm III, Pink Ladies, Null and 4S4S Leather Belt (2)

There is no need for me to preach to the converted...

However, there are assassins amongst you, and for these wannabes I use the term loosely, who are in serious need of education and severe spanking (although, our hands are far too precious for their disgusting derrieres, that trigger fingers would be better suited.)

"The art of war is simple enough. Find out where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on."

Two lessons can be surmised from this instruction.
1. Knowledge is Power
2. Just Do It

As assassin's job involves detective work. But some of you simply tickle us so, in the same way that Lieutenant Frank Drebin makes us laugh. There are professionals, and there are jesters. It's all elementary really. Though, some morons are so retarded in their understanding of initiative and know-how in acquiring intelligence that they should return to kindergarten sucking their dummies. More on this later.

An assassin is of course a hunter, and tracking skills determine their greatness. It would seem that some of you eggheads were trained by Elmer Fudd, and others have acted less like hunting dogs and more like irritating barking bitches. Quit yer pathetic whinging and get on with it! Indeed, the moaners stood out from the beginning, and as evidenced by the early dead, whiners are definitely separated from winners.

Herewith a warning:
This is what you get for fucking around with the Shadow Government.
Go home to your mothers and cry us a river. We might even use those tears to wet the next dumbass.

NB: All kills are to be sent to kissmyass@streetwars.net - do try to avoid spelling errors.

Eevil Midget

Fresher week is now over...

• Sly Jim (1) buried FlyWithSkye (0)
• Widdershins (1) blasted Baquaa (0) but
• 00Turk (1) dosed back some karma at Widdershins (1)
• Fear Factor Five (3) starts counting with Agent Doris (0) and Drool Monkey(1)
• Patch (0) was no match for Phant (1)
• But it's hats off to Shed Squad (2) in defeating Phant (1)
• Dog Faced Boy (2) added a plus with AlphaOne (0)
• BintRa (1) had Turkish Breakfast (0)
• 4Strength4Stam Leather Belt (2) trophied the heads of The Bear (0) and Hydro Slice the Ugly (0)
• Guailo (1) ended the days of Morrow (0)
• LDFLM (1) proved they do more than comment on blogs by dispatching loosewire (1) who still got Neuromancer (0)
• Count Wilhelm III (2) conquered Brinquedo (0)
• Omega Black (1) marks Tatooed Tota but fails to eliminate Killer Pirates (0)

Sly Jim (1) buried FlyWithSkye (0)

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Pleased to report a close killing last night. Blissfully unawear until the last moment, flyewithskye, a.k.a my housemate and dionysus for one night only, was shot down at the stroke of midnight with her own gun. Her glass of rose dropped to the floor while crowds gasped in horror as her final scene played out... Sordid details to follow... For now I must commence the fight, Agent XXX will fall... Over and out. Slim Jim a.k.a Leon for one night only.

Widdershins (1) blasted Baquaa (0)

So this is my first game and my first kill. After navigating thru a two sets of security gates i was able to to get into the compound where my target lives, i rang the door bell my target opened the door and i was able to get a clear shot at him. no question i definately got him!

00Turk (1) dosed back some karma at Widdershins (1)

Dear Supreme Commander: After 72 hours of pursuing my quite devious mark... i can gladly say she's soaked. though i give her 10 for effort in her poor attempt to outrun me hahahaha made my kill this morning after she left home for work, after looking at her eyes i could smell the fear in her. made a quick dash down the alley and me in hot pursuit shouting "i'm gonna get you don't bother running" she reached for her gun and a fierce gun battle erupted. running round corners and shooting back, but i was smart and let the poor panicky girl finish her ammo before i washed her away in the door way of her local cafe. hehe the owner of the cafe was none too pleased at his washed out window.. oops

Fear Factor Five (3) starts counting with Agent Doris (0) and Agent Drool Monkey (1)

Yesterday I was beginning to feel like an overweight ex-champion boxer who still thinks he has it in him…but blatantly doesn’t. The Wolfmother has to be given props (maybe not for his annoying emails but…) for his persistence in avoiding me. We’re talking city suits, dreadlocks, builders outfits and a willingness to leave a property via the rear garden wall. After 4 days of this, I, FearFaktorFive am ashamed to say that for a nano second, I actually doubted myself.

Then I pulled my shit together, chased him across Covent Garden and shot him in the back of the head in Holborn. Later Newbie…

Moving swiftly on., My next target –she of Metro paper fame and fortune- AT - proved far less of adversary. In fact, she squealed like a piglet this morning as she came face to face with my piece. I hesitated before I pulled the trigger. The torturer in me lingered…then I finished the job, still slightly turned on by her obvious show of fear. Witness the sickness…

The rusty wheels of FFF have been oiled.

Agent Drool Monkey has been retired from the game. A true gent, he was extinguished whilst hiding water balloons in the vicinity of his home.

During this particular mission it became very apparent that the hit reports are being scrutinised to provide any little scrap of info that may help players in avoiding a watery finish or even end my game.

Be my guest:

So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will win a hundred times in a hundred battles. If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you win one and lose the next. If you do not know yourself or your enemy, you will always lose.


FFF



Patch (0) was no match for Phant (1)

Patch here.

Finally got my assignment on Thursday morning after having agreed to an AM
meet at London Bridge. Apparently the eevil agent in question had already
made me before i saw her (didn't bode too well for the future, but i had a
plan...). Anyway, pleasantries were exchanged and documents given. I was in
the game.

We said our goodbyes and parted company. And, gotta say sorry here, i turned
around, changed my look a little, and followed the opportunity. As i saw it,
info is power, and knowing an agent's location may prove useful later in the
game.

Busy, crowded tube station at rush hour (picture Bourne Supremacy's Waterloo
chase/evasion scene) but i kept my target in sight until we got on the
northern line tube. Thought i got made as i ended up standing next to a
pretty hot chick who just stood out like a sore thumb and the carriages
thinned out at the next stop. We got off at Moorgate, i'm thinkin Jason
Bourne's got a contender, then some mother*@!!* decides to drop a handbag or
phone or something going up the stairs. Anyway, backlog of people ensures i
can't get past or through cos of the volume of commuters, and... i lost the
agent. Damn. But i got me my plans...

I'm thinkin, "return tomorrow see if i can pick up the trail", i'm thinkin
"got my proper assignment, let's work out a strategy". Through the day i
have my plans running through my head. So, get to work Thurs night, and
after a long shift, COMPLETELY forgot about the danger out there to me.
Walking up along the road, talking to the new guy, who i didn't really wanna
talk to, and i hear my name called. I turn around and Bam. In the face from
four yards. Not much in the way of style, but i had to appreciate his huzpah
and directness. Bing bang. No fuss, though the folks on the bus prob thought
it was headline news time again. Thier faces were pretty screwed!

Apparently i'm his (think he was called Rick) first 'kill'. So fuckin easy,
don't i feel lame?!! He's got my card as his trophy and my assignment, whom
i had awesome plans for! Damn x 2!! Damn those plans!

Patch,
Over & Out

Dog Faced Boy (2) added a plus with AlphaOne (0)

Hey, Kill two confirmed.

I was gonna take it easy today. I woke up in the late morning, a little
achy, some nice bedhead. Some coffee and a bowl of rice set me up. One of
the pack had stayed over at mine, they're a loyal bunch, and before too long
we were mucking about, making a movie. Not porn, not this time, not again,
not after THAT. Your sick little minds may imagine what you will. But
DogFacedBoy was happy, enjoying a day off from the deranged cares of a lone
assassin. Then that little bitch decided to go mouth off about me on the
blog. I'd checked out his place the night before. It was a fortress, and
with nosey neighbours to boot. He was clearly all set up for the night,
instead of going out on the hunt, so I let him be.

But upon reading his aside I became suffused with a rage, a desire. I packed
up and headed straight out, leaving my pack open-mouthed. Maybe I'd get
there for when he finished work. Who knew if he was even in work that day,
I'd only got the target the day before. After a comedic approach to his
workplace - getting a bus in the opposite direction - I checked out his
office and waited right outside. He sent me a taunting text. He'd seen me on
his intercom at home, and knew who to spot. I wasn't worried about that. I
called him, and as I gave a few little pointers on the phone I noticed a guy
with his profile walk right out of the offices, about six metres away. I cut
off. He looked at his phone quizzically, and gave a little laugh. I almost
felt sorry for the guy. I headed down towards him, he looked, but he didn't
see. I broke into a run, pulling my weapon out. He turned, his face
contorted into that of a scared animal, aware that his moment had come. He
tried to run. It really was laughable. I pulled hard and squirted two loads
right over him, heart racing. Kill two. Here's a lesson for you all: Whoever
your assassin is, don't make them angry.

Alpha1, I am your Omega. Rest in peace, bitch.

BintRa (1) had Turkish for Breakfast (0)

Turkish Breakfast got squirted early this morning answering the door to get his post. after finding we could sneak into his building from previous recon missions, we enlisted the help of the local postal operatives who looked well chuffed at having something more interesting to do with their morning. good job i didn't manage a shot at him yesterday morn, as according to him, he shot me as i took my leave Thursday night after a long and drunken stakeout ended when we were rustled by someone else on his block who claimed he was also playing the game. obviously at this point, we decided the chances of two people in the same block playing and not knowing each other were so minuscule, that he must have tipped our guy off. when we saw him freak out at the sight of our encampment, i decided to knock on his door to make sure he didn't call the police or something feckless, but he stated quite clearly that he knew our game and asked who are target was. maybe he was making it up, but he certainly put the chain on the door and wasn't opening it for no one. but just to point out you cant go ranting on the blog you got a shot at us, when, actually, i'd have noticed being wet, half cut or otherwise. still, wish i'd stayed in bed friday morning though, thats for sure.

yours sleeplessly,
BintRa


4Strength4Stam Leather Belt (2) trophied the heads of The Bear (0) and Hydro Slice the Ugly (0)

Supreme Commander,

it is with great sadness and furious anger that I must report to you my death.

I was taken out buy the three man team headed by Alex Blue. A great assassin that I had encountered in Last years game.

After evading them all week they had me trapped in my lavish estate this morning and I knew my number was up. But i wouldn't go with out a fight sir!!!!

I managed to take two of them out with out them even drawing there weapons but I knew that I was under armed and my two small had guns where no match for the fire power that the third was packing and he took me down.

On another note, the Intel that I received on my first target was incorrect. after spending three nights outside the given address in my luxury motor home I failed to spot her. Even when knocking on the door of said address proved fruitless. I then had this confirmed buy Alex's team as they had her last year after I had her, but im sure that if any one can find her Alex's team can.

I gutted that I went out quicker than last year. But at least year I went out in style

The Bear, out.

This one was far too long coming, but it was worth it in the end...

Agent Bear Martin was gunned down in a blaze of glory by team 4Strength4Stam Leather Belt shortly after 0830 this morning.

Our initial plans had to be drastically rethought following the loss of our means of transport on the eve of the game. Initial surveillance of the target showed that springing the bear trap without a vehicle would prove very difficult - this was a wily veteran, experienced and cunning. Two days stalking (and drinking in the nearby pub) had shown that he was being picked up from his safe zone, and we had no means of tracking him. A change of tactic was clearly required to lure this bear out from his cave. Besides, the guy was pissing us off - we needed to make the kill.

Although it goes against the usual assassin tactics, we decided to abandon subtlety, arm ourselves to the teeth and wait him out. We arrived at the crack of dawn this morning and surrounded the property, tooled up with our heavy duty weapons. After a two hour wait, we saw movement within and prepared for showtime.

He obviously knew we were there - various flatmates walked past eyeballing the suspicious looking characters clutching luminous waterguns at the end of their drive, but we have balls of steel and were totally unperturbed. We knew that there was a risk of at least one of us being taken down, but the numbers were in our favour. A minicab pulled up outside the flat, announcing that we were seconds away from the confrontation. His only option would be to come out guns blazing.

Which he did - and he nearly had us, too. With the roar of an enraged grizzly, the target came running from a side exit of the house, an exit we were unaware of. Our comrade the good Doctor valiantly took a hit for the team, buying Agent Blue time to engage the target. Agent Deluxor delivered the final coup de grace, unloading both guns at once ensuring victory.

Outnumbered and outgunned, Agent Bear died brave and honorable, fighting to the last. His pelt will make a fine rug for our base.

Level 18?

Good afternoon my esteemed Commanders, (and of course the worlds most highly trained eevil kung-fu kick-ass midget).

This morning, acting alone Agent Blue (not to be confused with Agent Orange, or for that matter Mr Pink) of "4Strength4Stam Leather Belt?" sweet talked his way into wetting Agent Hydro Slice the Ugly. It should be noted that she is infinitely more beautiful than her agent name suggests, and is both a skilled ninja killer and a master of disguise.

Due to the elaborate, sneaky and downright charming tactics there will be no kill story*. Not at least until I'm sober, which hopefully won't be until next month some time.

Next target please.

Yours with whiskey,
Alex

*there's a video in the pipeline

Guailo (1) shows his victim that there's no to Morrow (0)

hello, I have killed. Still furious from a fantastically bundled job last night when my rather relaxed target slipped through my fingers, it was just a pot-shot I quick drive by when I noticed two figures heading for his door sensing the opportunity I leapt from the ram packed car spill some of its contents on to the street and snuck in behind my possible target, he took a wile to get the door open, I was nervous had not had a clear look the face yet and politeness had taken over, his accompanying girl, noticed me and recoiled with fear, I guess I could be a little threatening, not wishing to alarm passers by I shift my wait to the back, foot, but then has her initial fear turned out panic and she tried to work out how to convey the grate danger my present had brought, I realised this was it, but by this time it was to late the door was starting to close I loosed a few desperate squirts but it was all to no avail, there mocking hands waved through the frosted glass, " you'll have to do better then that" they scoffed. I jump around exclaim shit for a wile and departed. In the evening my assassin really missed out, I had to unload a car of possessions in to my house, charring boxes up the two flights of stairs to my front door and continually havening to exposé my self was like my nightmare, and my assassins wet dream, overly wary, I watered a couple that had set on a bench near by, better safe.

a sleep less night still raging form my foolishness of earlier the
fresh image of dry targets fists shaking from the windows as I
drown away, still hurting me. Up early I mad the brisk trip to my
targets house, only to find he live right opposite a large police
station, troubling, but not a disaster. 45 min's latter, a chap bound
out his house crosses the road, and set to a bike I moved in quickly
realising that as soon as it is unlocked, he will be on and away. He
stayed down, looks like trouble with the locks, but there was more a
bicycle pump, oil and brush. " Good morning" I said, a pleasant
greeting, if slightly self satisfied smile upon my face. The man stood
up, a look of utter disbelief spread across his face, so astonished
was he that, I started to question whether he was the one at all. I
fired a delicate line of water between his eyes. Not even the shock or
refreshing nature of this seem to rouse hi from his \ quit profound
dumbstruckness. he snapped too "well done". and as fare as I'm
concerned that is that.

LDFLM (1) don't just comment on blogs with loosewire (1)

Triumph and Success.

La Fraternité have terminated one "Chris Powell". The abysmal performance of our team leader previously meant that I wrested responsibility for this next attempt and my finely-honed assassin skills came to bear. Having conscripted an innocent civilian to ring his doorbell carrying an empty dog leash and enquiring if he had seen her lost dog I appeared from out of nowhere and delivered a dual headshot, a kill of amazing elegance and accuracy.

As such, this is to inform you that we have secured our first mandatory kill before our brief trip to the North - a couple of dour Albannachs have incurred the wrath La Fraternité De La Mort and need sorting out. In particular the owner of a substantial collection of fine Champagne, Scotch and red wines needs to be taught a lesson, and we're going to hit him where it hurts the most ...

I eagerly await our next instructions, perhaps if we receive them soon enough we may be reporting a second kill this evening.

Agent Gaijin out.

Count Wilhelm III (2) conquered Brinquedo (0)

Dearest Shadow Govt.

After a most embarrassing affair (not Richard Gere / Hamster embarrassing though) with an unexploded water balloon on my first attempt of target 2, I was thoroughly determined to wet him through. As I sipped a drink with a friend a text came through to me…

Him: I have a present for you… decent water balloons!
Me: Well, I have a present for you, a small concealable pistol, fancy a swap?”
Him: Sure, as long as there’s not going to be a hit on me, how about we meet in a pub? Say the lord Palmerton’s on the top of my road?
Me: Sure, when?
Him: I’m there now
(I nearly fell out of my chair! The dumb-ass had given me his exact location!)
Me: No good. How about tomorrow?

Making excuses and leaving my friend with assurances that I’d be back soon, I made my way to said pub. But what with large windows and situated on the corner and with him knowing what I look like (CURSE YOU GOD OF WATER BALLOONS!!!) I decided to wait at his house. I was let in once more by a friendly neighbour who was more than happy to let me soak a fellow resident (must play his music too loud too late… too bad). While I lay in wait on the landing above his door I felt suspicious… what if he was lying to me… what if he was watching me on a flat screen tellie at this very moment! Laughing and firing Crystal Champagne corks at the screen whilst being blown by a million dollar hooker!!! I had to make sure. So the texting Psy-ops began again…

Me: Shit just spotted my assassin outside my house… can’t get in… going into town to watch a friend do a gig, fancy coming?
Him: Sure, might as well while away the evening with a tipple, gonna go home and change first.

Trusting, so Trusting…. Feeling a little better I settled down, as much as one can on stone steps, and waited… and waited… and was he ever gonna show! Thoughts of flat screens began to play on me again. I kept busy by thoroughly checking the hall and landing for good jumping out places, I found a few and a back door, no prob, suckas still gotta go through his front door, then I went back to check the pub again but to no avail, where was he!! I called and when he answered there were no pub noises in the back ground, he’s home for sure. I went back and assumed a good position. He emerged very fast and was through my kill zone before I could get a decent shot, so I waited till he was out and tailed him; he was headed for a bus stop so I decided to hell with stealth, time for shock and awe. When he heard my pounding feet and saw my mighty hose he ran too, not to the bus-stop and safety however, but straight across the road! After almost getting slammed by a motorbike (I don’t know why both my targets seem to have preferred a grisly road kill end to their lives rather than face me… perhaps they are frightened by my hose, it is very big.) which luckily only clipped him, he ran in the other direction, this time though he was doomed, after a few disputed hits, I got close enough, and an undisputable soaking ensued. A good sport he was though, and a worthy quarry, late night drinking ensued and was topped with a trip to casualty to check out his motor-crossed ankle.

Two down.
Operative out…

Hey commander, this is how it went down from the tagets point of view

6pm i came back from my doughnut and drink stake out from my targets house due to no show i left.
6:30pm get a text from my assassin saying he has a weapon for me and where should we meet to do a drop off, as well as general ban-ta,
7:00pm come home from being in a pub to relax nerves
7:30pm get text saying skinhead is outside and can't get in to have a shower so would you like to go for drinks, i said sure where and when, should we leave guns home bound NO just in case skinhead is at urs when u get home,
9:00pm head out to bar walk out of door and down the street to bus stop,
corner of my eye i see someone running towards me,
i run out into the road miss the first on coming bike and hit the second peddle meets ankle but keep on running here i got you me saying no not yet pulling off a blind shot and missed keep on running past shops and get shot in chest.
out of the game and passed on my card. are you alright he says yeah I'm good just a lil hurt got ran over but i can manage. but can we go back to mine to clean the wound and sort it out i can give you the DL (down Low) on target.
9:20pm get to mine clean wound bandage it up and go out for drinks.
11:30/midnight, get a taxi home and call hospital to see what they recommend me doing they said take some pain killers and see what its like in the morning, i then got in taxi and headed to A&E anyway just to be sure and to stop all concerns of me having a fucked up foot, got seen quite early in examination room and then got given paracetamol and told to wait for doctor, 4:30am comes and no doctor shows so i told front desk that i would come in some time tomorrow and see what its like for x rays and so forth.

I'm good at the moment and everything should be fine, I'll see you at the Wrap party and thank you for letting me play it has been the best experiences the most fucked up experience I've had and am always up for playing it every year..

You guys rock,
all the best
Brinquedo

Omega Black (1) weakens Killer Pirates (0) by sending Tatooed Tota off the plank


She was a demanding target but perseverance is one of my many assets. She
should of finished work hours before she did. She was too busy tattooing a
girls entire back well into the night, while I waited calmly in dark, rain
and cold streets of Shoreditch. When it was time for her to leave she
checked then re-checked her tail, scoping for hunters. However I didn't blow
my stealth cover. When she was on the move I accelerated at speed to her
rear, pulled out my piece and unleashed bloody terror. Only then did she
perceive my presence and feel the fear. Then I fled the scene at high
speed...Onto the next objective.

Yours,
Omega Black

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