London Bourne 2007
The End Of The Monarch
August 15, 2007 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 4:45 PM
Kills Thus Far: 16
Current Kill Leader: Too Early To Tell
...and so the hunt for Monarch ends...
In his own words...
Where were all the agents tonight? Where did all the gusto escape to? You came out with such strength and vigor last night, and tonight only the truly brave came forward to fight with me. Between Piccadilly Circus Station and Covent Garden my team reported on a handful of suspicious-looking characters, but I walked right up to some of them and didn't see a twinkle of anything assassin-like in their eyes. Maybe it was my missing goatee that confused you....and I suppose that it could be that I'm even more handsome with a clean-shaven face and you were overwhelmed by how much like a 12-year old boy I look and what you wanted to do with me...and then I was gone, and you were left with those romantic thoughts blinding your skills. Many of you ran straight towards the privacy of a toilet for a rub or a tug. I understand. It happens all the time.
Covent Garden was a challenge for me. After yesterday's debacle my contact refused to come in person and said that he would send someone in his place, which meant that anyone in that place could be there to take me out or to conduct a transaction. I didn't know who might be a player and who might be a CIA courier there to make the drop.
First there was Agent Gaijin with the pre-teen reconnaissance posse who looked like bait for Gary Glitter. I stopped and smiled at them at one point and was surprised by the lewd hip gyrating that they did in response. What the fuck is wrong with children today, and why aren't they doing that on stage for money? I thought to offer them a job in one of my factories, but then I saw the agent talking on his phone, trying to pretend not to notice me. He crossed in front of me, and I emerged from behind a column and took him out.
Very quickly I noted that one of my security detail had been captured by Double Hose Seven, who gets props for his style. My agents and I operate with communication on a reserved government frequency, and by holding my agent hostage, Double Hose Seven was able to listen in on our operation. What he did not hear, however, was me sliding up next to him to spray him down. Good strategy - incomplete execution.
Agents, why didn't you take the Supreme Commander's warning to heart? He told you to fear my penis, and it's not just because of its size (though nothing like Mustache's or Supreme's in raw fucking power), but because it has been surgically modified to fire various types of ammunition when I need to. Other than the obvious fluids, I can also shoot water, HP sauce, mosquito repellent, suntan lotion and rounds of depleted uranium for armor piercing effectiveness. Tonight I chose to stick to water, because it's tough to explain to the missus why you have that other stuff on your belly when you get home, right? I'm thoughtful like that - always looking out.
Two agents picked me up a few minutes later, while I read London Lite and watched them watching me. I slipped into better view and then cut across the market and down an alleyway, ducking into a restroom. Had they only looked to their right when they ran by, they would have seen me reflected in the mirror. Had they come into the restroom, we could have had a lovely duel. Instead they went wandering off into the side streets, so I went to buy some cigarettes. On the way to the store I passed an agent who was so stunned by how fucking hot I am that he tripped and nearly crashed into the pavement. I let him walk by - he should see my ass, after all. It's hot too.
Returning from the store, he attempted to move in behind me from the other side of the street. I executed a Section 112.4 Cross-Street Sweep, which would have put me in step directly behind him. He opted to pretend like he was taking a piss on the wall and turned toward it, weapon visible in his right hand. While his back was to me, I whipped out the Penis Gun and stood just like he was, except that where he was pretend-pissing on the wall, I was _actually_ spraying water on his back.
I moved back up the alleyway and was shockingly snatched up by Sensai Masterchef, who held my left arm. I admit that I never heard him coming. While he went on about wanting something of mine, I told him that I only had one thing for him, and moved my hand down to my pants. Before he could say "Russian Bride," his belly was soaked, and I was telling him goodnight.
At this point the two agents that I had slipped away from in the bathroom came back into play. I moved toward the market and entered a tunnel. One of them popped around the corner and sprayed me in the face...no reward for him. I love the look on an agent's face when he realizes that his moment of greatness has just been lost and is dripping from the end of his weapon. After another loop through the Market, I was approached by Colonel Lugz.
The Colonel is a gentleman. He approached me with his hand off his weapon, recognizing that this was a business opportunity. We walked and negotiated, and I am, after all, a mercenary. I agreed to return the plans to him for delivery to the Shadow Government, but I also arranged for a courier to bring a copy of the plans to the Colonel for his own use. I will not tell you what he paid, but he made it worthwhile.
The Shadow Government has their precious plans. I have my payment. One of your own is now better armed than any of the rest of you, if he can find the material to build the weapon. Everyone wins, and most important, I am not dead. You will feel me again, when I move in behind you and take you down.
Live in fear.
Agents Neutralized: 4
Agents Disqualified For Exuberance: 1
Monarch
Comments
Post a comment
Contact your Shadow Governement Official: liveinfear@streetwars.net