Of Vice & Virtue

FFF (6) is quite the juggernaut with Kickham's demise (0)

XXX, another fine location to tick off my Must Visit list. Thank you Shadow Government. Thank you for all the suburban enlightenment you shower upon me. It is truly an honour.

Agent Kickham has been relived of his duties. There are so many Kick-Ham puns that I’m not even going to bother…way too obvious. I will say this though. Your girlfriend’s hot Kickham. Make sure she comes along to the wrap party.

Mwwahahahahaha.
FFF

Bozo (6) crushes another Roach (0)

It does appear that the skill level of my targets seems to be decreasing day by day. I lay in wait on top of a bus stop near my targets flat in my pigeon outfit trying my best to shit on as many people as possible whilst keeping a close eye out for Agent Roach ( yet another one! how I do enjoy the feel of a roach being squelched underneath my boot). My Target finally arrived and although wasn't being particularly careful on route to the flat, did do a walk-by, obviously thinking that walking back from the other direction 30seconds later would make any would confuse any would be assassin. And then the unthinkable happens, Agent Roach spots a fairly large suspicious looking pigeon on top of the bus stop and stops and lurks for a few seconds near the bus stop making worried glances between the safety of the flat and the menacing looking pigeon. I do my best to make pigeon sounding noises and continue carrying normal pigeon duties on the unfortunate commuters. Suddenly, Agent Roach makes a break for it, reassured by my masterful performance and after a seconds pause I soar down from my perch easily catching Agent Roach before she reaches the safety of the front doors and bang bang! R.I.P Agent Roach

LFDLM (2) demolished the House of Gabriel (0)

Yet again La Fraternité de La Mort have secured a stunning and beautifully executed assassination. Whilst all the other chumps lurk in bushes getting wet in the rain for hours on end we create elaborate and fool-proof traps to lure our targets to us. This is how we can afford to holiday and drink champagne whilst everyone else is stressing over their serial incompetence. We hope that the Shadow Government approves of our methods and our priorities. Were we not to have had so many coincidental engagements which warranted our attention we would be grafting daily in your service, but we lack the freedom from commitment which the legendary FFF can claim to possess (and I say this with the greatest of respect to our most fearsome contender). Were it not for this indisposition we would be striving to top the kill-count chart for you.

This week's target was taken down through a fine piece of subterfuge. We would not like to reveal our methods for now - we do not want amateurs stealing our finely-honed and well thought out tactics. Let it only be said that the look of shock on our gracious target's face was priceless. We eliminated the team leader of "The House of Gabriel" and as such his entire team's future careers as assassins are forfeit.

It is a tragedy that we were not able to sink a few jars with our victims - they seemed a sterling bunch and it was only prior 'civilian' plans for sustenance which held us back. As ever, the Brotherhood will graciously make up for wettings with a round of beer to ease the pain, should our targets wish to claim their rightful consolation at the wrap party. Fallen foes - we salute you. You may have been too slow to save your hides, you may have been too trusting, but you have all been admirable people and we lament the necessity of your deaths. However, such is the way of the life of a mercenary. May our paths cross again in another life under more felicitous circumstances.

Last night I got owned by a pair of soldiers, whilst preparing for a sorty on our new target, under the guise of delivery men. Tried to dodge but I've never seen a short person move so fucking quickly.

Wings of Gabriel have been clipped.

The Pancake (1) is now after only one Pink Lady (2)

I arrived at the target building an hour before my target is due to arrive. Over an hour later I'm thinking its a no show. I go the reception desk and go to ask if she has signed in as i am in a meeting with her. Before i get to ask the security guard i see her sitting in the corner of the reception area. I plot up outside with the company smokers. Under an hour later the target leaves the building and heads into the car park. I approach from the rear and call her name. She turns to see me unload a single shot to the face followed by a double tap to the chest. JOB DONE.