Rotting Hookers and the Current Financial Crisis

Welcome back Supreme.

And for all of you - Pack some heat and live in DRUNKEN fear at an out-door patio party. Hosted in williamsburg brooklyn at my house - Casa de Agent Stealth (aka The Banshee).

email suspiciouspackage3ATgmail for details of the secret location.

you can wear disguise. do you DARE to show?

http://www.someecards.com/upload/most_popular/tgif_motherfuckers.html

To celebrate my warm dead whores and my return, I will make my way to Williamsburg - with a Supreme disgust of hipsters, nothing but hate in my cold, black heart and a desire to kick the living shit out of some locals, whilst enjoying my drunkenness.

It will be fun.

I don't own a skateboard anymore, am I allowed in Williamsburg?

I guess I'll have to call Mayor Koch and see if he wants to walk over the bridge like we did during the first transit strike.

I get a call from a Russian sounding chick yesterday at work, claiming she's from New York Magazine and requesting an interview with me.

"I am from ze new jerk mageeezine, ve is vanting to interveeew you..."

While I am awesome, my awesomeness doesn't warrant public record and I don't imagine there are many reporters at New York Magazine who speak English as a 3rd language, so I transfer her around my company until she's had enough of her day wasted to learn a lesson about calling me at work.

Later, around 7pm I'm out front of my office building smoking and telling tales of my killing plans for later in the night and I notice an Eastern Euro looking chick leaning against my building and giving me the evil eye.

I ask her what she's doing there, and what's under the scarf she's wrapped around one of her hands and she asks me to present my card, which I do, putting an end to her attempt at getting me disqualified. I then tell her I have a lot of work to do and head back up to my office.

She's been made...

She calls, tells me,

"I'm zee tireed, I is going to leaving now"

of course I don't believe her, but I have to get to Brooklyn to take out my target so I go for it.

I call in the cavalry, an unmarked van, jump in the back, knowing she's watching me from the shadows and tell the driver to GO GO GO!!!!

I'm down on the subway platform a few blocks away, and guess who made it in right behind me... She asks me where I'm going, "Harlem" I say, "Want to come?"

And then I realize, this Natasha bitch is talented, and this needs to end now before she follows me to the gates of hell.

I run up the stairs, hoping she'll follow right behind me and I can pop her to buy 24 hours, but Natasha runs underground, comes out across the street, and charges me with a water grenade.

I dive out of the way and put 2 in her lovely chest.

"24 hours Natasha!" and I almost made her shake on it, but she was so cute having failed I let her walk.

Let me say this... I look forward to seeing that fine female again at 7:01 this evening for another failed attempt.

Russian accents are hot.

PS. I've killed again, thanks to the greatness of Agentile.

While El Matador shares The Supreme Commander's loathing of los putos hipsters, I can't say no to a party. I only hope it doesn't interfere with my fight at La Plaza Real Taurina la Luz Perpetua de la Santisima Trinidad y Pancho Villa de Chimichanga.

Ole!

Agent stealth,
your party is obviously a ploy to avenge your death and kill your roommate. Your stupidity stands out even on the hipsters background.

Oh Supreme. I told you I'll always have a steady supply of fresh nubile females for you...

As for what to do with dead ones. I hear there's this crazy artist who likes displaying them as 'artwork' by turning them into fishfood: http://tinyurl.com/5c459r

Think it would totally look crap in your opulent palace though. Suggest we use the idea for the SG headquarters for lame assassins instead. Similar to Kim Jong Il's shark tank in TAWP.

hmmm interesting.

To whoever is hunting team Simia: show yourselves!

mwnci will be in and around his listed residence tonight between 7pm and 8:30pm, training the carpet monkey ninja. think you can get me? come do it.

Previous Brooklynian obligations preclude me from hunting tonight, and week 2 is fast coming to a close. This could be your golden opportunity, or your golden shower. Come find out which.

If you doubt the veracity of my offer, E-mail me at the addy on the file, include my full name for confirmation, I will find a way to convince you.

I'm not too worried about who has me... Im staying home tonight and will be going to Tonys Pizza later for a few slices. I don't even carry a gun anymore... my assassin is the worst...

I have to agree with Pilot, my assassin's SUCK, they should go jump off a bridge, live, and then jump off a building for being so damn terrible.....

To those of you bitching about wack assassins on your tail.

No more worries.

I'm sending the rogues after you.

Enjoy.

Supreme

I might drop by if I get out of work at a reasonable hour. Haven't seen Agent Charon since 530am Tuesday morning :)

Dont worry your pretty little faces Team Simia. I have plans for you. Keep your eyes peeled for the big black guy.

Life sucks after you're dead.

Fear not Drywall, we will avenge you... After of killing you of course.

Beware the poisoned words of The Banshee.

Death follows in her wake like the 9 Ringwraiths of Angmar...if they were water skiing...and doing that weird pyramid thing that they liked to do back in the 50's...

"If you want it, come and get it, you know I stay super(soaker) straight"
-Young Jeezy

I have sent yet another assassin to the afterlife.

PS: if you promise not to shoot me during the drive I'll give you a lift to D4D and back tmrw.

I went to the free imeem Bloc Party show on Thursday night. Walking through the door I see that everyone was getting frisked before entering...not cool, since I was strapped w/ an H20-firing Luger in my belt. I get patted down, the guy hesitantly steps back a bit and says, "Excuse me sir, but can you please explain what's in your pocket?"

I take out the piece as I'm saying, "Uhhh, actually it's a water gun." "A water gun? Oh--nah, nah, nah," he says, as he takes the gun from me. "No, no, I need that. Empty the water, but can I just have the gun back...?" and so on goes my pleading. He doesn't want to hear it and tosses my protection over with all the other bounty he's collected that night. A woman comes over and sides with him, even after my assuring her I would not re-fill the gun in the bathroom and start shooting other concertgoers. She says that if I find her at the end of the night, then she'll give the gun back to me on the way out. Then, she walks away.

I'm a sitting duck for the next few hours.

Cut to the end of the night (sick show) and I'm looking for Dee to get my gun back. No Dee in sight. Anywhere. Neither inside NOR outside.

I go up to all the random workers asking for Dee to no avail, all the while smelling like several Jack on the rocks. Finally, a girl asks, "what do you need her for?"

"Well, this is gonna sound really stupid, but--she has my water gun..."

"Oh, you mean this one?"

Thank the Lord--My Luger is offered up to me.

I quickly bought a bottle of water and reloaded for my return trip home. No one was waiting for me at mi casa, but I would have been safe if they had.

That's all,
The BadCharacter

dear military mike,

watching you sure has been fun, those burly arms, all that flashy gear. im sorry im going to have to kill you. but im going to prolong it a bit more, just cause watching is so satisfying.
xoxo

medusa martin

@mwnci

So it comes out, the do-gooder who got me home in one piece Sunday.

After the kindness you showed I could not, in good conscience, hunt you or anyone on your team.

I have a prior engagement tomorrow afternoon, but I will take you up on the trip home.

Stay dry.

Yours in sub-rosa,

Mr. Peter Stevens
Congress Occultus

hipster I was sad you left after your horrible display of "killing" yet alone the wrong person. As I saw your beautiful car parked outside I came up with an excellent plan of attack aswell as a get away plan but to my suprise you were already gone when I stepped out. If you would of waited 30 more mins. I'm sure we could of met and my attack would of gave me a free 24 hours of peace. Now you have to do it once again.

Finally two weeks and someone was kind enough to try to attack me. And for a second I thought I wasn't being hunted down. And be sure to let the lone rangers I'm comming ;)

Old Photos and Bad Form:

This is to let everyone know that agent 'murder death kill' is using an old photo of himself from probably several years ago. I wasn't sure until I asked the person who I 'acquired' this target from who confirmed that the target is using an old photo. I thought I read somewhere that we had to give a recent photo. I took my photo the day I joined, and I'm not saying that everyone should have done this but using one from several years ago and before you lost 60 pounds, I don't think falls into the category of recent. The worst part about it is that I had him, I even spoke to him, but I couldn't be sure it was him because he barely looked like his photo. But now I know it was him. He was wearing a college shirt from the year and school he graduated from and I heard someone say to him on the way out to stay dry. I knew he was going home so I booked to his house and I got there first. A cab stopped and didn't let anyone out twice within 5 minutes while I was in front of his apartment. I was damned though if I was going anywhere. I knew I beat him home and he would have to come home eventually. Then he showed his absolute disregard for the game by having his friend call the police on me on some bogus B&E shit. His freaking twit friend brings the cops down the block and says, "he's the guy". Like if I did a B&E I would just be hanging out in the middle of the block. Unfortunately NY's Finest aren't the brightest bulbs in the city neither so I had to show them my IRS ID card, (sorry Supreme, didn't think my streetwars ID had much pull with the cops, booze and prostitutes yes, cops no.) Nonetheless, even with my IRS ID, I didn't think the cops would let me stay out there for much longer, and I was out of cigarettes and it was midnight and I was still sober. I made a rookie mistake that probably cost me my life in this game because I needed this kill to stay 'active' in the game. Now I know, shoot first, sort it all out afterwards.

On a brighter note, my would be assassin just had a water bomb dropped on his head by yours truly. Hope he lives close, it's chilly outside.

Shadow Government, ice_man1898 here,

Agent Child Actor (killcode: HTIVXdGVGXf8G6RN) has been given the Money Shot....

This one was by far the most intense and interesting,

The script goes like this,
I left my lair late in the afternoon sun, hoping to get the jump on prey.... a short 20 minute drive and a toll lands me out front of his home, and what luck, there is a parking spot just for me..... After a pit of posturing I gain access into the building and begin the recon mission, 2 ways in, roof access, and a indoor garage, jeez, I hope he doesn't drive. After checking out upstairs I notice that the garbage shoot is right next to his door, and the light only comes on when the door opens great spot, up until a neighbor comes in with trash and they get spooked.. I leave and go sit in the car, two hours go by with no luck, ok, time to go to the football game and try again tomorrow.... Just in case I give him a call, no answer, not a surprise....

I get a text while at the football game and after some bantering back in forth the gauntlet is laid down and I am told that he'll be home within 30 mins, I sprint back to the car and back across the bridge, he's taunting me, baiting me even.... well I'm up for the challenge, my recon served me well....

He tells me that his door is open and to come on in, it's a trap, lol, with a water balloon waiting for me on the threshold, I go in a bit, scan, and see the terrace door open, up to the roof, check to see if he's there, back down, and in, just then, the NEIGHBORS door opens and I see the gun before I see him, I fire high, and POW, my shot finds it's target, THE MONEY SHOT!!!!!

Who's next kind sirs......

The ice_man cometh.....

Looks like we have a new boss.

Phire, what do you mean? Someone to replace Li'l Abacus?

ice_man1898, how come your target knows your phone number? And how stupid should someone be to invite his assassin to his home?
I'm sorry but both you and your target are idiots.

sorry to disappoint auditor...but the bomb missed by a mile...a drop on the sneaker counts though, see you round 7:30...going biking again today?

Mr. Know It All,

You my friend are a FUCK TARD, I'm disappointed that your mom didn't swallow you at birth, she'd have done us all a huge favor.... how the hell else would he have gotten my #, I called him, he didn't answer and then TEXTED me back, wanting to know who it was..... How about this, you do things your way and I'll do it my way and pray that your dumb ass makes it to sudden death......

anyone have info on lone rangers; guy Johnson or Artic shade
Name your price. And let's get it popopppoppoppopping

ice_man1898, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit a raw nerve.

No a new lead rogue

Phire, who was the old leader? And what happened to him?

anyone interested in knowing where agent bullish is?

PS: I'm not gonna make it tonight by the look of things, sorry mate.

simia nomen est

Pilot has been grounded, kill story to be emailed to the Shadow Gvmt tonight.

Wet 'em all, let God sort 'em out.

Blackness
-Team Black Death

Blackness, did the two years wait make the revenge sweeter?

Dear Phire, Midgetguy, and the other Rogue with the Jewfro,

Thanks for stopping by my house this evening and shooting up all the windows. You killed my roommate on the balcony but he's not playing the game so you'll have to come round another time.

Lots of Love,

There's only one agent with a jewfro in this game.

Dear Agentile,

I executed two assassins for the glory of the Shadow Gov't(Hail Supreme Commander)earlier so i figured i'd hit the mustache main frame for someone in the area and go for a 3 fer but i wasted a good chunk of ammo on that. In any case sending your roomie outside to die is kinda girlish. :( What you guys don't want to play with me? You're so mean. But it's good to see that you remember me. I'll have some new toys soon >:D

stay dry honey twat don't turtle now
<3(love) and \(^o^)/ (hugs)
Phire

PS:much love to the two greenhorns that chose death over the DQ. Tough draw this year maybe next time.Assassins should die with honor.

Oh ice we never really had a league we were all just working independently.Sorta like pick a contract and go. Now we're just gonna all work together and just kill for shits and giggles.

Oh and Agent Orange(the 2006 vet, the real one) great suit tonight

awwww, Phire, you made me blush.

Props to hubby and wifey for coming out last night, you're good sports, was fun being hunted by you.
We definitely need to go for more pickle shots when this thing is over.

Until then, i remain,

High 'n dry

Hmm, had a polish moment, wrong name under the last post..

Auditor, what kind of info do you have on Bullish?

I'd make i worth your while.

Another failed kill attempt by Natasha. She keeps coming and it's beautiful to watch.

I shot her through my front door, now I will have to miss her for 24 hours.

Not that I'm dumb enough to let my guard down between now and tomorrow afternoon. I'm sure there are others after me...

-Blackness
4 Kills for Team Black Death and rising.
2 failed attempts on my life.

PS. All glory and thanks to the Shadow Gvmnt

Free Porn!

Hi Everyone—Child Actor here, taking a break from filming to set the story straight:

After outing team Ron & Fez this game (respect), I next had a solo agent to kill…one who, though living nearby, was unemployed and thus could have been anywhere at anytime all week. (Must be nice to have all that free time, Agent Olivia. Your Masters from NYU not helping you get a j-o-b lately? No love even from the 17+ languages you speak?). I had been to her house several times but because of my work schedule (and, to be fair, play schedule) this week, was unable to put in heavy hours staking her out. I never saw the lights on once, for crying out loud.

This past Saturday night comes and I get a random call from who turns out to be iceman_1898. I obviously was expecting that this be my assassin, so I didn’t pick up right away. I text him back and after his inquiring to meet up, I tell him I would be back home at my apt. in 30 minutes if he was in the area. This was a slight fib, since I was actually *in* my apt. just about to get in the shower to get ready for a night out, but I figured I’d give him 30 min. to get his act together too. I would actually be *leaving* my apt, not *returning* after those 30 minutes were up. Sneaky, I know…

Jump back a minute: After the initial phone call from a stranger that night, my lobby buzzer also went off. I then shut the lights off in my apt. and peered out the peephole into my hallway. After a few minutes, someone approached my door (I’m at the end of a hallway), stood there for a moment, then turned around and walked away without making a move. I figured I had made my attacker. Then, the texting back and forth commenced…

OK, now— After those 30 min. at about 9:40pm I let iceman_1898 know I lied, but that I would make it up to him. I told him that at that exact moment my door was unlocked & wide open and that—if he chose—he was more than welcome to come up. Vampire rule thus made irrelevant. I also told him exactly what I was wearing, jokingly saying that I too was wearing a white track jacket (since the man I saw approach my apt. door earlier seemed to be wearing one too…). As a further taunt, I placed a filled water balloon on the threshold of my open door. And when I heard the lobby buzzer go off, I even let my own assassin right into my building.

Luckily (or so I thought), my next door neighbors were gutting/renovating their entire apt. and were not home so I hid behind THEIR closed door as I waited for my assassin to creep into MY apartment. I planned on surprising him and taking him out, though what I didn’t know was that MY NEIGHBORS PEEPHOLE WAS BROKEN! Now blinded and knowing I had only precious moments until my assassin was at my door, I focused on the light coming through the doorframe thinking that at first sign of a shadow I would pop out and wet the guy. After no shadows were seen, but several elevator doors opening & multiple floorboard creeks were heard, I emerged to……an empty hallway. I step out of my neighbor’s apt. into the hallway (their door was SUPER loud, and didn’t help my surprise entrance) and I get hit w/ a shot from iceman_1898 who had just, just walked into my apartment on my left. The floorboard creeks were from my apt. (not the hallway) and I misjudged everything by mere seconds & a few feet, ending in my death. If my neighbors’ peephole had worked, this whole story would have had a much more victorious ending for me… Also, if I had just thrown a balloon into my doorway first (to neutralize) rather than stepping out of my neighbor’s apartment to check with my eyes, I also would probably have made it through the weekend… (Hindsight is a motherfucker, huh?)

Not to be cocky, but there’s no way anyone was going to get me on THEIR terms (sorry iceman!). I basically knew I wasn’t going to get a kill on my target this week given my schedule, so rather than bitch out and be disqualified for that, I invited the war into my own home. I’m not an idiot as you claim, “Mr. Know It All,” I just don’t have a vagina. I guess you wouldn’t understand…

Anyway, that’s my take on how it went down. Good look to iceman_1898…the suspense from when I buzzed him in to when the last bullet flew was awesome. I think he had a lot of fun w/ this particular hit too.

See you all soon. Supreme Commander, if there’s a target I can help eliminate just say the word; I think this story shows that I’m willing to take some risks…I just had some bad luck at the last moments.

Now back to the set,
Child Actor

Hebrew Hammer,

Agentile gonna baptize your ass.

Supreme/Mustache,

I think I speak for all players when I ask...

1. Why isn't the bodycount updated on a daily basis?

2. Why aren't players with enough kills week by week eliminated. Is trying really as important as killing? Even when you slackers manage to eliminate players for sucking, you wait until Wednesday to assign new targets? Isn't it supposed to be Monday morning?

3. The blog stands still, no new daily postings?! Kill stories being emailed and not posted on a new blog entry the next morning?

This game only lasts 3 weeks, come on! Pick it up.

No disrespect, I'm just saying what we're all thinking.

Take this short time you have to manage the game properly, and make the best of it.

anonymous

Cupcake Commando -

Thanks for the letter on my desk. Sorry to hear of your demise. Contact me at the email listed in my info.

Child Actor, you are correct, in every aspect of your story.....

Shadow Government, I can personally vouch for Child Actor and I think he would make a fine Rogue, (Go get all the slouches man.....)

And yes, it was the most fun I have had playing in the last two weeks.....

PS: Child Actor, I emailed you, let me know.....

I'm a bad man, I live on both sides of the fence, my grass is always green.

Steiny pulled a nice trick but then got cocky, came back and decided to face. We both shot, I was faster, he's out...

High 'n (sorta) dry

Agent Orange's story raises a question about a possible scenario. What happens if an assassin gets wet after is own shot was already released and ended up wetting his target after he got wet. that is, the order of events is:
1. assassin shoots
2. assassin gets wet from target's weapon
3. target gets wet from water released by the assassin before assassin gets wet.

Does the attacker have the advantage in that case or is the assassin neutralized?

And while we're at clarifying rules, how slow can a car move and still be considered a safe zone? Say, if a car moves one foot while waiting for a red light to change, is it still a safe zone?

I think the rules say something like when in doubt advantage is with attacker but I can't confirm that right now, busy getting drunk on $1 drafts.
As for the car, check with Phire but i'd say it's ok

Finally, someone had the decency to take me out of the game with honour. Kudos man. Monkey see, monkey kill. Righteously done man, can't wait to buy you a beer.

yawn.

Simia is Done

Agent: Mwnci
Kill Code: EljCKMmxGhi_Cos

Team Simia went down this evening with the execution of Mwnci. Well played good sir. I look forward to getting that beer.

Stories will be spilled when Im dead.

Awaiting next target.

Toker

To my wannabe assassin(s),

You must be doing an extensive amount of reconnaissance, observing, and sneaking for I have yet to feel your presence, both physical and spiritual, these past weeks.

It is with that in mind that I ask for your help. I completely forgot where I parked my car on Saturday evening (freaking streets with names instead of numbers).

Did you happen to see where I parked the other night? Is it west or east of Lorimer?

Thanks dude/gal, looking forward to meeting and moistening you...

Never more arid,

Anonymous,

Speak for yourself you self-righteous fuckwad. I speak only for myself when I say:

1)The only bodycount you need concern yourself with is your own.

2)Do you think your bullshit $45 entitles you to round-the-clock updates?

3)Who do you propose be put in charge of sorting through the tons of kill updates, kill stories and incessant bitching from assholes/cuntrags like you?

Quit your fucking whining and make the best of these 3-weeks. Or fuck off.

And to my would-be assassins,

The time is nigh! Tomorrow is probably the last opportunity I'll have to get kill #2. I will be in the city, in the Diamond District, on 45th or 44th Sts, at around 5:00 - 5:30. I'll be hanging around until I cap my target's ass, or you cap my ass.

Ole!

First off, anonymous is not really anonymous since he has an ip address.

El Mat, you are right and to add to the SG defense it should be noted they had some problems with the mustache mainframe. But still, two years ago we had Li'l Abacus, the game ran much more smoothly and things were more fun. She has gone to greener pastures (or her own golden cage) and there's no one quite like her but even someone half decent to help out with administrative work will improve things a lot. No more of this 48 hours wait to get a new target or assassins with no kill making it into week three. Please.

Lawyer, I'd say the assassin wins and the target dies. Moving cars are cars that move for real. Red lights, stop signs, gridlocks - the car is no longer a safe zone.

The car can't be moving. It's that simple.

I wouldn't shoot someone in car that's trapped by any three of those listed by mr know it all because the simple face someone might jump when startled and hit the gas by some freak accident.(It's a slim chance i know but if someone can crash a ferry, this it totally feasiable) i've mentioned this to a couple of people YOU DON'T WANT TO CAUSE AN ACCIDENT or get yourself hurt because you tried to kill someone at a stop light and go clipped by a turning car.

If you're that close then you can just tail them. If they are sitting there parked then by all means air those bitches out.

Even though we might not like some of you. That doesn't mean we want to see you hurt.

Unless you've been cheating. Then you can fucking get run over until you're protein paste.

right then you deserve to die in real life.

with protein paste in your mouth