NYC 2009
Getting Turgid
June 9, 2009 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 11:54 PM
You know, when this round of killlins first started I was pretty much creaming in my expensive silk pants - we had our first kill a mere 7 minutes into the tournament! I expected this tournament to be a gangbang of epic proportions - kinda like the biblical 40 days and nights of rain that precipitated the need for the Ark but, with more drinking, killing and sex and less animals, beards and god.
It seems I was mistaken.
Despite the ass-kickerry of the start of the tournament, you kids have not really carried through. Considering the number of unemployed assassins partaking in the tournament, one would imagine that the killings would be coming fast and furious like Vin Diesel...instead, you players are like a flaccid penis, a mere shadow of your potential. I know you can grow into thick, veiny, intimidating killers...you just need something to excite you. To get the blood flowing.
Come Monday I will provide something exciting to help. Something guaranteed to get you hard.
Rogue assassins.
I'll let you in on a little more info on what this entails come Friday.
Just so you know - regular kill stories and updates will be posted to the blog on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. That said, I may choose to post additional stuff other days and sporadically throughout the day. Some of what is posted may be useful to you in yer hunt.
Now time for kill stories - I lead off with my favorite kill story received thus far:
***
The Wangs killed Agent Bananas
Monday June 8, 2009
12:30 am - Bribed the Agents working the door to have an early meeting with the "Man" himself, Supreme Commander. Hope he liked our little present. Supreme handed me the dossier and with a shot of Jack, we were ready to start or should I say finish our mission.
12:45 am - Entered the Wang Mobile and opened the dossier; Mission: Agent Bananas. Operation "Early Bird Special" starts to form as we drive towards target's residence.
1:15 am - Arrive at Agent Bananas' residence. We step out of the Wang Mobile to check the surroundings. Bad news: the MTA station is just a left out of Agent Bananas' front door and across the street. Good news: Mrs. Wang notices a cafe right at the subway's entrance. We decide that no further action could be taken at this time, so we head back to home base.
1:45 am - Arrive home safely no attempt on life. Research Agent Bananas: Work, Friendster, pictures, man I love Google! Then the Mrs. and I share what could be our last meal together, then rest, it could be a long day come sunrise.
6:45 am - I hid trusty old Betsy in a delivery package while the Mrs. conveniently hides her arms in her purse, woman assassins are so lucky. We leave home for Target's likely location and found a spot across the street, facing Agent Bananas' front door. The Mrs. and I discuss final details; Operation "Early Bird Special" is a go!
7:30 am - Mrs. Wang leaves the Wang Mobile and heads to cafe overlooking the subway station. She buys a cup of coffee and sits at the patio. Pretending to be reading her newspaper and enjoying the morning she is like the "crouching tiger" that I fell in love with, ready to pounce at any sign of weakness. I sit inside the now smoldering hot car and wait. The Mrs. cannot see the front door from where she has planted, so I must be her eyes for now.
8:00 am - Man in khakis and a grey button down shirt leaves Agent Bananas' building. It startled me for a second. I was ready to jump out of the car but held myself back. Man am I getting rusty? It's been many moons since our days in China. He goes into the MTA station and disappears. Stay calm Wang. Calm!
8:15 am - Different man with blue jeans, white t-shirt w/ blue sleeves, and blue baseball cap leaves target's residence. He seems quite suspicious, looking around. Then he walks over to the cafe picks up a coffee and heads back inside the building. I avoided eye-contact with him, but is it too late? Does he work for Agent Bananas? Have we been compromised?
8:35 am - Blonde woman walks out of building with a black Labrador. Is this Agent Bananas? I try to look more closely without making direct eye-contact. Damn this was much easier in China. All these "Gwai Lo's" look the same. How can people tell them apart? But upon closer inspection she is too fat and too blonde to be Bananas. But the dog sure did look tasty!
8:45 am - Man with the white t-shirt w/ blue sleeves leaves to building and heads for the subway. Maybe I was just paranoid. All this time the Mrs. is still the strong one holding her post like a V.C. ready to die in the jungles of Da Nang.
9:00 am - Hmmm...I can sense that Agent Bananas is still inside the building, but this has taken longer than we had expected. I call the Mrs. back to the Wang Mobile for further discussions. We try a phone call to her mobile, it rings but no answer. She not on the train but where is she? A call to her workplace shows that no one is there yet so we decide to wait and survey a bit more.
9:15 am - Woman walks out of the building dressed in black. Can't see her face. She seems a bit short and her hair too dark to be Agent Bananas, but I follow her anyway. She heads for the train station with me stalking her unknowingly. Meanwhile, Mrs. Wang tries her mobile to see if it's her. Damn too late! she's in the station already. As she takes her final step down to the station I called out "Bananas!" in a low audible voice. No answer, not even a hesitation. I don't believe it was her. I return to the Wang Mobile, then the Mrs. and I decide to wait a bit more.
9:45 am - Agent Bananas finally exit her front door. It's no mistake, strawberry blonde hair, tall, slim and sexy. You can try to hide with your hair tied up and sunglasses; but all the Wangs can see is Red. "Go!" and we spring into action. If Communism has taught the Wangs anything it was to have no mercy for your enemies. I quickly followed her as the Mrs. flanked her position from the right. Keeping low and moving fast Bananas had no idea of the Mrs. position. As she neared the MTA entrance I was approximately 5 meters behind her. The Mrs. sprinted across the street and caught Bananas' attention, then in a rumbling voice I uttered out "Bananas!" She looked to the right at the Mrs. then turned back to face me, pulled her weapon; but it was too late! Quick with the trigger, both of us shot her down in the middle of the street simultaneously. We quickly rummaged through her pockets, found our next mission and her S.G. ID card; and left the scene. I wish we could have given Agent Bananas the proper respects due to a fallen agent but we are also being hunted, and the next ones could be us!
(excerpt from Mr. Wang's Kill Diary)
More kill stories below...
Smith and Wesson dropped a fat load on Mocha's chest
Supreme and Mustache Commander,Early this morning at 7:05 am, I was hunting down my target Detective Mocha when I found her walking out her front door. when I ran up on her and blasted a stream of liquidity mayhem across her chest, she told me that she quit the game (that morning) and never received her ID with the killcode ID on it. Now since we killed the target and have no next assignment, Smith & Wesson needs to know what exactly what to do about the next assignment.
On edge and confused,
Black Mumba (Lakers 2, Magic 0)
Sammy Davis Jr liquidated Jayo!
I didn't get much sleep sunday night. My mind was racing a mile a minute, I could only think about the different methods I could use to end my opponent. I scoped out my target's house Sunday night at around 10 PM, trying to be as creepy as possible hoping that I would scare the piss out of him. As I later found out he was not home. Oh well the game hasn't started yet anyway, no worry. I wake up early in the morning startled by a noise in the hallway, I grab my vintage super-soaker 50, and a wave of panic runs over me. Did I lock my door? Peephole reveals it is only my drunken neighbor crawling home from night of debauchery. I walk back to bed with my gun in hand and attempt to get one last good night of sleep.So much for that. I was only to get about an hour or two in, no
bother I'm running on adrenaline now. My second visit to my target's
house will prove to be my last. "I could be here all night" I thought
to myself what do I have to lose? Answer: nothing. I am a wanted
man, I will need to be ruthless in order to survive. I searched for
a few minutes for a good place to hide but I was unable to locate one.
"WHO WAS THAT?" I thought, An older man exits the building where my
target resides, I approach him and inquire as to whether or not this
is his house, it turns out the man I spoke to is my prey's landlord.
I then informed the fine gentleman that I intend to destroy his tenant
via SS50 and water balloons. He quickly agrees that this is the best
and permits me to wait for my prey on the adjacent porch. At this
point I have no idea whether or not my target is home or not, luckily
I have my ipod loaded with Megadeth - Killing is my buisness. WELL
LET ME TELL YOU. BUSINESS IS GOOD. My target arrives after about
waiting for an hour and a half. He is equipped with an inferior
side-arm, estimated maximum range? zero. I quickly dispatch my target
with extreme prejudice. He will be the first of many.
Mike Litoris licked Bags Marlow
Mission Accomplished,Surveillance was conducted on Sunday night of Bags Marlow's house and the immediate surroundings and it was determined that this would be quite the easy target. After sleeping in and avoiding any kind of morning attack I went to work thinking all day of shooting this guy in the face. As soon as the day was done I made my way to his house, not knowing how easy this would be, I took many different subways to thwart any attacks. As I approached his residence I firmly stroked the concealed small arm water gun hidden in my bag. Within a few house of his I noticed that there were people outside his place, riddled with excitement I picked up the pace but resisted getting overly optimistic. Yet, it was true, he was outside in plain sight with his kids nonetheless. For a brief second I felt remorse about shooting the mutherfucker in front of his children, but that feeling subsided. BAMMM one dead mutherfucker.
Sincerely ,
Mike Litoris
Agent Honey Bunny of the River Rats squirted all over Ashleigh Morris
So this morning I leave my house at 6:00 a.m. My hand is inside of my bag, gripping my weapon, ready to draw. I see no unfamiliar faces. I walk across the street with father to his car to be dropped off at a bus stop. I see a silver SUV slowly back into the street that the car I am getting into is on. "Nonsense, my assassin won't be up and about at this hour", I think. My father pulls out and I check the side view mirror and see a silver SUV, I start getting worried. I'm dropped off at the curb of the bus stop and I do not see the SUV. I relax, slip on a hat and sunglasses and observe my surroundings and am comfortable that it was just my paranoia getting to me. As the bus is on its route, we pass by The Floridian Diner, notable for highly reflective windows which are pretty much two-way mirrors. In them I see the same silver SUV directly behind the bus. I panic. I look around and don't see anyone suspicious, mostly old people. At each corner I try to see if the bus is still being tailed, but I can't get a good view. At the last stop, about 20 feet from the entrance of the train station, I wait on the bus until everyone but one, innocent, completely non-threatening looking little woman is left. I walk past her dismissively but she remains seated. I suspect nothing. I begin my short walk into the station and just before my foot can complete the last step into the station itself, I feel something odd. And then it feels wet. I turn around the see the happiest stranger in my entire life. "Fuck my life" I say, accepting my defeat. Me and her talk for a little while and then her partner comes over, Apollo, someone who I had read about from the forums of the old tournament. I don't feel angry, only disappointed in myself. I'm already late for class and my hunters seem hospitable enough so I ask for a ride to the school building. On the ride there I learn who they are and realize that even if they didn't get me this morning, I definitely would not have lasted more than 3 days. I could not have asked for a more competent group of people to try to murder me. I let them have some bulky supplies I'd rather not carry all day.
Comments
Still alive Bobby Drake?
Posted by: Midnight Toker at June 11, 2009 1:49 PM
Hell yeah I'm still alive...... I mean, I'm being less COCKY now that those to almost got me, but I'm still here.... Still leaving 1430 at 4:30, and still leaving the safety of my zone to go get lunch at the chinese, spanish, and american joints that liter the midtown area......
It seems as thought life has gotten in the way of Child Actor and he never goes home so, as I plot how to get his ass, I'm at my home, about to go out to where, that has yet to be determined..... Or maybe I'll just stay home and play the new maps from COD WAW.......
What about you toker????
Posted by: Bobby Drake at June 11, 2009 2:59 PM
Never fear Bobby Drake.... Toker remains very High and Dry as ever before. Too bad I can't say the same for team Spy in Your Eye. I may be known for enjoying some of the dankest herb known to man.... but it was they who found themselves smoked at the end of the day.
Posted by: Midnight Toker at June 11, 2009 3:27 PM
Well well well, as soon as I posted up my previous post, my door bell rings, like I'd be crazy to open it up, well I am, and I'm still alive with a TROPHY, THE HAT OF MY WOULD BE ASSASSIN, and his partner paid with her life, now she had to go home in the rain, soaking wet.... hahahahahahhhhahahahaha
I'm glad you guys and gal are trying, this makes things interesting..... You'll NEVER GET ME.....
Posted by: Bobby Drake at June 11, 2009 3:51 PM
Who ever is stalking me has no class, or skillz.
Posted by: Sammy Davis Jr at June 11, 2009 6:34 PM
rabbinate pissin' me off dogz.
Posted by: GAPKilla at June 11, 2009 7:30 PM
i demand u explain to this hear blog y u hiding ur sorry asses all the time. come out like real men and play.
Posted by: GAPKilla at June 11, 2009 7:32 PM
Like Shaft i'm cleaning up Harlem.
Target #2 is down. Enjoy your weekend, bitches. I, for sure, will enjoy mine.
xoxo,
Agent Orange
Posted by: Agent Orange at June 11, 2009 10:14 PM
Hahaha. Like Shaft the man said.
Posted by: Midnight Toker at June 12, 2009 8:23 AM
Good job Orange, you seem to always get the people that don't hide..... I waited for CA for 4 hours today, and nothing..... Girlfriends are a great thing, yes no......
Posted by: Bobby Drake at June 12, 2009 10:25 AM
Well, after a long hard day and a trip to the book store, Bobby Drake comes home and cautiously gets off the elevator only to peek down the LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG Hallway and see Agent Diemos sitting on the ground in front of my door, the startled innocent bystander caught in the middle of us makes a hasty exit as I jet into the stair well narrowly escaping the barrage of water balloons heading my way...... Now as I bait the agent into getting into my kill range, which is far superior to his (Max D FTW, and to that person that reads this, I told you the Max D was the SHIT, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA).... we quickly have a stalemate, so, being the cunning agent I am, I phone the wife, tell her to look in the hallway, and when she does (after laughing at me for being caught in the hallway) I tell her to shift to plan be and I quickly sprint away to setup plan b....... After about 10 minutes I return with plan b, evacuate the house, and send plan b upstairs to "scout" (Someone please clarify if having a non agent scout is CHEATING), plan b phones me and tells me that the agent is still around and after bribing the guard, I now have access to the VIDEO SURVEILLANCE SYSTEM in my building and then I wait for the dejected agent to give up the chase and come down to meet his doom...... Well after about and hour, I spot him and plan b chatting it up in the elevator and I get into position and as soon as he exit's the elevator, he meets my full stream of sweet Neutralization....... I like this guy, he's persistent, and relentless.... I'm safe for now, as his partner has let him down in the hunt........ I'll be on my toes again starting tomorrow after 9pm......
Posted by: Bobby Drake at June 12, 2009 7:23 PM
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Contact your Shadow Governement Official: liveinfear@streetwars.net
Well said Ashleigh Morris, well indeed. It's was a pleasure having pursued and met you. Take honor in knowing that you contributed to the glory that is River Rats. We look forward to seeing you at the wrap party.
Also, to our would be assassins last night, it is always gives us a warm cozy feeling inside, when we know we're being so actively hunted, props to you on the attempt. Pleasure meeting y'all. By the way, those beers were $3.50 a piece. You could just leave the money under one of our doors.
Posted by: Agent Apollo at June 10, 2009 10:36 PM