NYC 2009

Pirates Motherfucker

June 27, 2009 - Posted by Mr. Peter Stevens at 7:32 AM

I don't want you kids to think Supreme doesn't love you anymore, he does.

He's been at The Shadow Governments secret volcano base in Columbia.

When he hasn't been spreading his seed among Columbian women, he has been working with Scientists in an attempt to clone himself. His genetic material is so fucking powerful, no normal woman can bare his child. So its sort of a numbers game. If all else fails we still have the clone. He promised me that if I did a good job back at Shadow Government Headquarters (kind of like Bumblebee staying back and watching Teletran 1) he would get me my own Columbian.

I promised you something special today.

And here it is:

Drinks for the Living

The Guardians of the waters that surround New York, The River Rats, are inviting all living assassins on their super secret craft tomorrow for a trip around the city. Maybe, if we're lucky, they will show us the time travel shit I was talking about and we can pick up some *real* pirate wenches.

The boat leaves at 12 noon. I would suggest being there around 11:30-11:45. If your late, I'm going to be pointing and laughing at you for not knowing how to tell time as the boat leaves.

Where is *there*? I'm glad you asked. 23rd street on the east side. Again, if your too stupid, and you can't tell east from west I can't help you. In fact I'll wonder how the fuck you got so far in this tourney.

If your at least smart enough to find 23rd street, make your way over to the east side, and actually find the marina you will see me. Complete with my dashingly good looks somewhere by the rocks. Probably around 11:30, if I haven't been up banging hookers all night. And doing coke given to me by my new Columbian.

Supreme will be back and joining us as well - hopefully bringing with him exotic diseases rom below the equator.

Lastly, safe zones for this outing are EXTENDED. This means you will be safe walking to and from the subway and on marina, the docks, and the boat.

Do *not* be a pussy. I expect to see each and everyone of you still breathing to be there tomorrow.

Now for your daily kill report:

Just one.

Rookie Rogue Assassin, Aface1, gave Rabbi Meyer Kahane, of The Rabbinate (2), a mikvah, cutting them down to one active member. The Rogues (3) have given us three kills in two days.

Do not fuck with us.
***********************
Urban Guerrilla (3) was kind enough to give us a tale chronicling his hunt, and kill, of a legend.

Tough Kill

Thursday:
Trying to keep the momentum from my recent kill, I quickly head over to scope out the scene. Target lives on the 5th floor of a five-floor walk up. Fortunately I get another resident to let me in the double set of doors. Making my way past the apartment door I hear nothing inside. I set up my position on the higher ground at the roof door, one more double stairway higher with a clear shot of the targets door. Its dark, deciding to call it quits 3 hours in, I head home. Reading up on the blog I learn this man has a reputation and past friends, I’m dealing with a professional.

Saturday:
I arrive and enter the targets building. I set up my position by the roof door again. This time it’s daylight so I notice there is a rigged motion detector hanging poorly on the ceiling. I think it’s a long shot but considering his tech background the mark could have set it up to monitor his blindside – brilliant. There’s a ton of junk lining the stairwell and I find masking tape in a painting box and quickly tape up the sensor. In my search I also see a broken umbrella, I put it aside just in case things get messy. Also, this time I bring and position a mirror to get a view of the door. I hear tenents entering and leaving for the next for 3 hours. Finally I hear steps making there way to the landing and confirm the correct apartment. The man fits the description but I can’t get a visual on the face. He’s quick and I was going to miss my opportunity so I hose him and callout his name. It was his roommate, ah collateral damage. I apologize and fake an exit only to return to my position quietly 10 minutes later. 5 minutes later – POW! – I hear the door swing open and see water being blasted at the wall and railing below me. The jig is up, time to hold the Alamo. We exchange fire, shot for shot, him with one hand behind a door and me, a hand over a railing. I’m out gunned and running low on water so time to make a move before I get made. He pauses to repump, seeing my opportunity I grab the umbrella and make a dash down the stairs and avoid being IDed. I escape with my face but leave my pride when Mr. Stevens confirms that wall splatter is neutralizing. I reply to his post to make it seem that I needed the kill for the 2nd week, just in case the roommate caught a good glimpse of me I wanted to throw off my scent.

Tuesday/Wedesday: 2-3 hour morning stalking pains me.

Thursday night
I see on the blog that my target is down about the loss of the great MJ, rightfully so, and I anticipate an evening of late night drinking. I return to my past position by the roof door, I see that my mirror has been removed but along with the motion detector, it was his! 2 hours in I see some approaching his apartment but then instead they continue up to the roof door. I hose them but it’s the roommate, AGAIN. He walks up to the roof pretending do something, really just checking the post. Despite having my cover blown, I realize that the check was probably to secure a safe return home so I pretend to call it quits and stomp out the door. I’m now scanning the streets for sketch balls. I see a cab stopping a block away in front of a closed commercial building, odd. The character is across the street, walking toward the apartment. I try to coordinate a subtle intersection path but he approaches a neighboring apartment building door instead. I keep walking casually passing him, IDing him but not giving it away. I jump into the next doorway once I’m out of sight. So there we are, like faceoff, a doorway apart. I peek out and see him still facing the door trying to buzz apartments. I only have one chance so I start to sneak out and begin firing before I am in range to ensure that I get first contact. I spray his back and he squeezes off a headshot but it’s too late. What a tough SOB, we go for drinks and morn MJ.
*******************************

Rookie Rogue Assassin, Aface1, gave Rabbi Meyer Kahane, of The Rabbinate (2), a mikvah

Armk gets a Mikvah

First Rogue Assignment, Wednesday 3pm
-Wet Agent Rabbi Meyer Kahane (aka ARMK) of Team Rabbinate within 72 hrs or pay the price for being a chumpy assassin. ARMK is a vet. I am told a he's no slouch.

Wednesday

I have way too much to do at work plus prior after-work commitments making me unavailable to hunt Thursday night.

Thursday

I go straight to work. I begin research. Nothing of merit turns up other than he works in the boondocks. Way too far for me really to get to.

8.30pm: After work I go straight to ARMK's apt and run into my killer, Agent Skidmark, who happens to also have ARMK and the other member of Team Rabbinate as his mark. We join forces like Voltron.

9.00pm: A shady character starts lurking. We get spooked. We relocate.

9.30pm Out of the dark comes [REDACTED].

Agent Skidmark gets soaked from behind like the new guy in prison. I feel bad, but life goes on. I must return to the hunt.

10pm: Once I'm alone I realize ARMK has a huge advantage. There are zero good hiding places and he has a corner apt with an AMAZING view of the sidewalk in all 4 directions. Agents Skidmark & [REDACTED] give me some deets on ARMK. Nothing too juicy other than he's clever and has a few tricks up his sleeve. I walk up and down the block looking for spots. I have a few options but they all fall into 2 categories... either I'm obvious and right in front of the door, or I'm a block away, hidden and too far away to strike him. I take a stroll toward the apt door to get an up close view. Buzz.. Buzz.. A work email comes through. I begin to respond. I look up. Standing right in front of the ARMK's apt door someone starts to unlock and enter the door. I never get a good look. Fuck it. I hit him in the ankle. Its ARMK's roommate and he's not too happy.. ehhh.. No war has zero unnecessary causalities. I turn back to the shadows.

1.15am(Friday morning): Still no sign of ARMK. Time to call it a night.

I go home, shower, watch cartoons ... no sleep. I have taken my Summer Friday this Friday, So no work for me.

5am: I head to ARMK's corner. Again I agonize... where should I stand?? There are 3 or 4 decent spots. I don't love any of them.

I rotate btwn them every :45 minutes.

7am: I see one of my new friends from ARMK's block... one I had met the night before. She's so loud and won't shut up about the game, but hey she helps me blend in, kind of.

830am: comes and no sign of ARMK ... wtf how did I miss him. I know he's got to have left. He works so far away. I have to sleep.

9am: I leave to sleep.

Noon: Wake up, Eat, Do Normal stuff

4.30pm: Back on the hunt. I am about half a block from ARMK's corner I spot a semi-familiar feeling face in the distance. He walks in to the corner Bakery & Deli across from ARMK's apt. Was that ARMK? ... maybe .. I don't think that was ARMK... "Agent Suspect" didn't see me so I'm good for now... I chalk it up to me wanting to see ARMK. I walk up to the corner. Turning my attention to again figuring out a great spot to sit... I hate my spots. I'm going to get ballsy. I decide to sit right across the street behind some cars on a planter. Super obvious from 2 directions, but close to the door and pretty well hidden from the other 2 directions. "Agent Suspect" from the Bakery appears behind me. Eye contact. Now I KNOW it's him. He's is surprisd by my presense. He fakes like he doesn't live on this block and walks down the sidewalk behind me. I give a little "walk off in the opposite direction" move myself. Trying to sell him on thinking he fooled me. I double back, get a hand on my gun and follow him down the block. I can tell he's trying his best not to look back. I keep my distance. He rounds the corner about 20 ft in front of me. I see his grocery bags poking out form just behind the corner...he's waiting for me. I know he's itching to catch a peek around the corner. I ready my gun and get in the street behind car. He looks around the corner and its ON. Battle ensues on the corner.. He has a tiny little gun, but I failed to pump before starting the attack. My stream is weak. We both miss. He yells, "I get you?" I knew his shot had fallen short but I look down to be fair and I'm dry. He runs down the street. Fire Fight continues in the street... I pump and run after him. He turns for one last stand. As he turns aroundI spray him like one of R. Kelly's teenage lovers.

Kudos to you ARMK. You were a challenge.

Squrits and Splashes,
aface1

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