Special Communications
He-Whore - Runner Up For Best Kill Story
August 24, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 2:59 AM
At first it was just a rumor, making its way around the London assassins...
We purposefully did not release this information earlier because we thought it would be too brain-destroying in its awesomeness...but now that the tournament is over, I feel the release of this story will not harm your fragile little minds too much...
Deciding who won for best kill story was a fucking difficult decision, but thanks to copious amounts of Jack Daniels, I was able to make a judgment and I'm standing by it - but sheeeeit, this here is a fucking amazing kill story, it has everything, intrigue, liquor and man-whores...
Read and enjoy...
Oh!
Almost forgot...there may be one more mission left for those interested...it is dangerous and could potentially get you in trouble...and I think some of you already know what it is...contact me if yer interested.
Supreme Commander
Shadow Government
Supreme,
The kill report you’ve been waiting for:
I guess you were probably worried that Etanissassa-x had a slight drought following our promising start last week. It wasn’t for lack of trying; there had been stalking aplenty of our target. However, he had not ventured beyond the cosy confines of his combined flat/workplace.
We were beginning to lose faith in our ability to make the required 2 kills in the first 2 weeks. But something amazing happened. Agent Bi was checking back on the details sent to me about the target who has registered himself as "J M" and despairing because google had failed us. We had searched for his name, his phone number, his address... no luck. And considering his business is located at his home address she found this to be quite strange - shouldn't his company have a web page? It was at this moment of self-doubt that her eyes happened upon his second email address which, oddly, had a different name: chris. So she typed the second email address into google and BINGO! His company had a web page after all.
If I may quote a little of what I found...
"Chris is as at home in a suit and a 5-star hotel as he is in his birthday suit at your place. Chris is ...(blah blah)...7" down below uncut, available on his own or with his friends. Rates start at £100 an hour for a basic finger massage."
Supreme!!! You gave us a male escort as a target!! I'm not sure whether you knew this already and decided that Agents Bi and Aleph were up to the job, so to speak, or whether you had no idea. Well, we were. Here’s what happened:
Fri 28th July, 19.30hrs, Agent Aleph calls “Chris” and leaves a message.
Sat 29th July, 12.30hrs, Agent Aleph calls “Chris” and got answerphone again. She sent him a text requesting a special appointment.
13.00hrs, “Chris” texts Aleph (fake name used: “Ella”) telling her “I missed your call. Do try again”
13.05hrs, “Ella” calls “Chris”. She books an appointment for her and her “girlfriend” (Agent Bi – hehe) on Monday night.
Mon 31st July, 12.45hrs, “Chris” calls “Ella” to check they’re still on for the “date”. Here’s how the conversation went:
C: Hi Ella, how are you?
E: Hi Chris, I’m great thanks. How are you?
C: Fine, I was just ringing to check we’re still on for tonight.
E: Yes, I’m a bit nervous but yes.
C: Don’t be nervous. Have a few drinks for Dutch courage. Are you a couple?
E: Yes, it’s our 1st year anniversary and it’s a surprise. She doesn’t suspect anything! I think she thinks we’re going to the theatre!
C: Oh great! How do you want to start?
E: I don’t know… erm… maybe you could meet us for a drink first?
C: Yeah sure. How do you envisage this going… is it a threesome or do you want to watch me and her?
E: Definitely a threesome.
C: OK, let me put it this way… is there anything you DON’T do?
E: No, we’re pretty much up for anything – she’s really adventurous.
C: Excellent. Give me a call to let me know how the evening’s going.
E: Cool, see you tonight.
E hangs up the phone, checks that the 15 year old boy she is assessing at his home (and fancies) isn’t nearby and does a little scream.
JM (aka Chris) eagerly awaited his phone call from “Ella”, confirming that she and her girlfriend were ready for their hour of "fun" with the tall guy and his “smooth tanned skin”.
Ella and her girlf dress themselves up as raving lezzas at work and leave holding hands, to get used to the sensation. They arrive in Covent Garden and select a trendy looking RESTAURANT SLASH BAR. They select a table for three and leave the empty chair backing onto the stairs to the toilets. They knocked back a couple of drinks like real men and made the call. 5 minutes later “Chris” arrives and they do introductions (and cheek kisses). Ella excuses herself to the bathroom, leaving the others to “get better acquainted”. Agent Bi makes witty and easy small talk (a diversional tactic in which she is highly skilled) with her potential lover. “Ella” ascends the stairs from the bathroom, gun in hand, hand in bag. Stopping behind “Chris”, who is engrossed in the sparkling conversation and transfixed by Agent Bi’s Hitlerian steely eyes, she draws her weapon and delivers a double tap to the back of the head. Head in hands, “Chris” chokes his final words “shame on my profession!”
Reintroducing himself as J (a really sweet guy), he relinquished his ID and proceeded to buy them dinner and (many, many) drinks, muttering “to the victors the spoils”. The evening progressed, and we made the long awaited journey up to the epicentre of his business activity, more wine in hands. As Agent Bi passed out in some boudoir, having extinguished the red light, Agent Aleph ensured that the truly delightful J didn’t go to bed alone, literally to speak.
I hope this leaves you with an excited tingle in your six pack.
Over.
Agents Aleph and Bi.
Comments
Oh, *Yawn* - You might put a file on that site randomly, but your still trackable.
Posted by: Myles at August 24, 2006 10:06 PM
greetings to everyone from my morrocan hideaway. sorry I missed the party, was thinking of you all. hope everyone got suitably trashed.
looking forward to tales of drunkenness and wetness on my return.
signing off for now.
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Posted by: *Yawn* at August 24, 2006 9:16 PM