Special Communications
How NOT to bribe
August 6, 2006 - Posted by Mustache Commander at 2:09 AM
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How in the world did attempts to bribe for favors turn into the first “Wanted” poster of the London game? (**technically this should have been the second poster, if only our dearest, the current apples of our eye and darlings to our heart, Etanissassa-X hadn’t quickly and promptly dismissed one Steve L to his very early grave) -
Who are these fools that actually rewarded a kindly gift of extra photos and praise from the Mustache himself, by responding with insults and threats to the upper lip hair of our most honored members?
A rare post from the Mustache Commander.
Read on to learn how NOT to bribe.
Listen and listen well, my young assassins and future hopefuls…
Team KT, once an aspiring duo full of watery hopes and assassinating dreams, whom despite their lack of any actual kills, were not short on work ethic and willingness to attempt to bribe the commanders for the help they obviously needed.
So far so good...
The wrong club at the wrong time:
They began their bribe attempts with a well intended offer to enroll yours truly into the Handlebar mustache club and other offers of more scandalous natures that the government generally smile upon (read the actual emails).
However, unbeknownst to them, the Bavarian Mustache Society and the Handlebar mustache club has had a long standing feud going back to the 1800’s, and thus, there was no way I could accept their bribe offer (read my letter to Team KT detailing this unknown history of the Bavarian vs Handlebar conflict).
None the less, their luck has it that their email found me after a particularly pleasing evening at my harem, feeling unusually magnanimous, I granted them words of encouragements and a bonus picture to help them identify their targets.
To which, team KT responded...
The insult:
We didn't realize you were already a member of the Bavarians....... We would never have entered this game if we had known, and any offers of sexual favours that may have been implied in the past have been unanimously withdrawn.
In fact, since you have revealed that you are member of such a despicable and perverted organization as the Bavarians it is not only getting wet that you should now be afraid of....
As of today we have informed The Mutton Harriers* (a crack commando unit associated with the Handlebar Club) of your allegiances and they are currently being deployed to the States where they will steal into your house and the houses of all your hairy associates and during the midnight hours cruely shave your and all your fellow slumberers upper lip.
Peace out,
Tony and Rana
Can this stand?
A foolish insult as reward for our kindness? I believe it cannot stand. For those seeking extra curricular activities these last two days of week two, please do contact the Government, and you can take them on as an extra assignment.
Rogues and assassins, please do “rain” on their parades for us.
Prize:
Complete this mission, and receive a “non-handlebar” mustache, from my personal collection. Signed and autographed, with a certificate of authenticity.
This mission expires on Tuesday 12:01am, as Team KT would most likely be disqualified for failing to meet 2 kills by the end of week two, and you can't wet someone who's already dead.
PS: this would count as a kill for your week two totals.
PPS: This team has no kills yet, so they would be done by Tuesday. I’d rather see them wet then dry and disqualified, if you catch my drift.
Comments
Only all ifs and buts. My plan has worked. Just.
Posted by: Munkiboy at August 6, 2006 10:20 AM
Bad Form! Bad form!
I may have to launch my uber-secret, uber-sexy, international, long range, super-soaker scuds into the UK. Watch the skies..
Posted by: Former Ex Rogue Assasin JF at August 7, 2006 12:01 AM
Tony is down.
Posted by: Munkiboy at August 7, 2006 7:36 PM
GOOD JOB!!!
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Contact your Shadow Governement Official: liveinfear@streetwars.net
It is with a mixture of pain, awe and relief that I have to announce my demise.
Pain, I really really wanted to take out 'munkiboy', only he knows how badly !!!
Awe at the craft demonstrated by 'Starkey' to take me out, I wish I could tell you all about it but the story is his to recount..... hook line and sinker.
Relief, had I survived this attempt then my life would have been one long round of 'what next' for the next couple of weeks.
So until next time, a little wiser and a lot wetter
BillyS
Posted by: BillyS at August 6, 2006 9:43 AM