The Death of the Supreme Commander

Dear lovers,

We’ve neglected our duties for a week. It’s time to set the record straight about how you met your watery demise. And spend some work time writing personal emails.

Thursday evening:

18:00hrs Agent Bi and Agent Aleph compose a bogus e-mail to the Gribster (hi!) pretending to be Supreme, entitled “Drier than a Nun’s Crotch”. It went a little (a lot, actually) (actually, this is the actual email) like this:

Aaah. now that was satisfying.

Anyway, back to my duties to you... not that you deserve it you lazy excuses for "assassins". I'd have been wetter waiting for you douchebags in the Sahara than I was on Russell Street. Hopefully you can prove me wrong this time...

Liverpool Street - EC2M - If you can't find me from this information you're not even worthy for the rogues.

Peep the website and I'll give you one more clue if no one makes an attempt by this evening, I will give even more info...I'm frankly getting a bit bored...

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

18:30hrs Agent Bi arrived at said Starbucks whilst Agent Aleph sent the email and awaited a reply (he didn’t reply). Bi found a cunning hiding place on an office balcony overlooking the Starbucks and she waited… and waited…

19:00hrs and waited…

20:00hrs and waited…

20:05hrs and gave up…

20:10hrs Agent Aleph checks details of all Starbucks in central London open late. She sends Agent Bi to Leicester Square and then the Trocadero. Leicester Square is the only Starbucks open late which has Wi-Fi access, so Bi positions herself behind a book and settles down for the evening.

21:30hrs Agent Aleph has pressed the refresh button on the Streetwars blog 1836 times in the past 3 hours. Supreme has still not posted a blog, despite his promise to do so “later”.

23:00hrs Agent Aleph is thrown out of work, where she has been waiting in case a blog is posted (she is a pauper and has no internet at home). Agent Bi is thrown out of Starbucks (she is a pauper and has only bought one drink in 3 hours). But that is not why she was thrown out, Starbucks closed.

23:30hrs The Agents met at Hotel Russell, as it was close to Supreme’s first blog of the day. They asked whether their “friend” Franz had checked into their hotel the previous night. He hadn’t. They checked some other hotels in the vicinity with no success. Slightly dejected, they headed for Agent Bi’s house. Aleph, the “sacrificial lamb”, went first, checking the coast was clear – the rogues would be less likely to be looking out for Aleph at Bi’s residence. Being satisfied that the coast was clear, Bi made a bolt for it while Aleph opened the door on the count of 10. TEAMWORK! YEAH!

00:30hrs As the agents were warming themselves up for bed, Aleph’s phone suddenly rang. Guess who? The conversation went something like this:

Aleph: Hello? (pretend sleep voice)

Supreme: Anita Marsden? (American accent)

Aleph: Yeah? (pretend sleep voice)

Supreme: Did I wake you?

Aleph: Er… no. Don’t worry I was just being fake asleep. (Chortle).

Supreme: I was just wondering what you guys were up to?

Aleph: We’re waiting for you to come round for your lapdance, Supreme.

Supreme: Really? (He thinks: Mmmm, Aleph and Bi are so hot, I am so tempted by their sexy offer). What time were you expecting me?

Aleph: As soon as you can – we’re at Agent Bi’s house, why don’t you pop over?

Supreme: Sure. I guess… Although that would be suicide. Why don’t you girls come round to my hotel?

Aleph: Erm… wouldn’t that be suicide for us? We’re going to have to have a think about this one. We’ll call you when we know what we’re doing.

Supreme: OK. Someone is going to die tonight…

The agents called the hotel to find out which room number the phone number belonged to. 402.

01:00hrs Aleph and Bi exit the flat and make their way to some SHITHOLE hotel “Threadneedles”.

01:40hrs As they approach the Hotel they see a couple of workers on a late shift. Agent Bi and Aleph persuade one of them to call the Supreme Commander pretending to be the Gribster, on his way to the hotel. The agents want to know whether there were going to be any unwelcome intruders on their lapdancing slash killing date with Supreme.

Supreme: Hello?

Worker man: Hi it’s Rob Gribbin. I’m on my way.

Supreme: (Sounding taken aback) Hi Rob, how are you doing?

Worker man: I’m OK. I’m on my way.

Supreme: You’re on your way? How did you find me?

Worker man: Er… I’m on my way. See you soon. (Hangs up)

01:45hrs Having ensured that at least the Gribster hadn’t been invited, the agents assume that their date is exclusive. Agent Aleph calls Supreme and arranges for the two agents to meet him in the lobby (predesignated a “safe zone”) at 02:30hrs. She claims it will take them that long to get there. Hehe, as if.

01:50hrs Agent Aleph enters the hotel lobby, walking closely behind a man delivering the morning papers. She headed for the kitchens to find somewhere to drop her bags and hide while she waited for Supreme. She heard footsteps approaching the area and stood up to see a couple hand in hand looking as if they were searching for somewhere to have a bit of late night “fun”. She greeted them politely, surprising them. They claimed to have got lost searching for the lift. They turned to leave and Aleph, thinking they might be able to help her, asked if they were staying in the hotel. They said they were and so Aleph asked which room they were in. “402”. Alarm bells rang in Alephs head. She calmly directed them back to the lift and walked off in the opposite direction. She descended to the depths of the hotel basement, a dark, tombraider-esque concrete arrangement of arcs and passageways.

01:55hrs Agent Bi enters the hotel and heads for reception. A couple appeared to be checking in. They walked off toward the lifts as Bi approached. The man on reception asked Agent Bi which room she was in. “402” she said. The couple turned their heads. Giveaway!! Agent Bi followed the “couple” and watched them take a lift. As soon as the door had shut she ran through the nearest door – to the kitchen. Working her way through some passageways she found her partner, despite having had no contact with her due to the lack of phone reception in the hotel. Great minds think alike.

02:20hrs The agents realise it is almost time to meet with their lover. On the basis of Aleph’s honed skills in flirtation, and cleavage, she heads up to the lobby to await Supreme. Agent Bi agrees to explore and hide in the underbelly of the hotel and show no mercy to any who invade her territory.

02:45hrs Agent Aleph has been waiting for 20 minutes and Supreme has not showed up. She is pissed off. She calls him. A man answers the phone in a fake American accent and tells her he’ll call her back. He didn’t.

02:55hrs Agent Aleph calls again. Supreme answers the phone. “You’re late” says Aleph. Supreme was really apologetic, saying he had just gone down and couldn’t find her. It transpired that, terrified that the Gribster was hot on his toes, he had begun having paranoid delusions and when he saw Aleph, he thought he saw a blond man on a laptop.

03:00hrs Supreme joins Aleph on the couch. They flirt, they chat, they bond. He asks where Agent Bi is. Aleph tells him she has just checked into their room and is preparing it for their night of passion. Supreme is visibly turned on. Aleph sees Alex Blue run across the landing. She asks Supreme if he has invited any of the other players to the hotel, saying she had just seen someone with blue hair. Supreme curses the lack of subtlety of his rogues and asks Aleph if they had informed the Gribster of his location as he had received a phonecall from him. Aleph makes a mental note (fooled! Aha haha). She tells him the truth but he was too paranoid to listen.

03:30hrs Agent Bi has been doing a thorough check of all “backstage” areas of the hotel. It’s clear. Every so often she hears footsteps but she sees no one. She works out that there is only one unlocked entrance to the whole staff only area. She heads for it and finds a hiding place where she would be able to shoot anyone coming through the door before they would be able to get her.

03:35hrs Agent Aleph asks Supreme how he proposes that this stalemate ends. He asks Aleph to make a suggestion. She proposes a new rule: as long as they are together, they are safe from each other anywhere in the hotel. Supreme says “I do like to live dangerously”. Aleph says “I’m in more danger than you because I’m in danger from all of your rogues and you’re only in danger of Agent Bi”. Supreme is convinced. They “take a walk”. As they begin to exit the lobby area Agent Aleph sees some very small shoes at the bottom of a lift. She shoots them. A little moan escapes the fallen rogue, Evil Midget. Realising she was in imminent danger as the rogues were closing in, she walks to the door to the staff only area and flings it open. Bi is ready and as soon as the door opens she sprays her deadly poison. As Aleph opened the door, she is first to take the fire but Supreme’s attempt to throw himself out of the line of fire fails, Agent Bi’s shot is accurate and she wets him clean across the chest. “You’re wet, Supreme!” she calls. “I’m wet” he answers. “I’m dry” she says. The rogues arrived a second too late and, concerned that the agents may still pose their leader a danger, all hell broke loose from their supersoakers. A massive waterfight ensued with not a dry seat in the house (least of all Supreme’s crotch area). “Hang on” exclaims Supreme. “I’m still in the lobby”. “No you’re not” says Agent Bi. They debate for a while, and Supreme suggests that they ask the only unbiased person in the vicinity to confirm the boundaries of the “lobby”. Of course, Agent Bi was right – the lobby ended at the steps. Supreme turns to his rogues and admits “I’m dead… where were you guys?”

The agents licked their lips – sweet, sweet victory. Agent Bi slapped Supreme on the ass, and Agent Aleph followed suit. All agents headed to room 402 and drank the night away, courtesy of Threadneedles’ hotel bar. Not that they know that.

There you have it, darling. The story of your very own death. Read it and weep.

With much love, as always,

Team Etanissassa-X