Game Updates/Player Stories

The Death of the Supreme Commander

August 30, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 10:41 PM

You have no idea how much it hurts to relive the events of my death...and yet, the horrible events leading to my demise must be chronicled...

Thankfully, the winner of the tournament, aside from having excellent control of a water gun also has excellent control of language and has seen it in her heart to write up the story of my death so all you non-winners can see how it is supposed to be done.

Respect Abi...and some respect for your teammate Anita as well...you owe her big time...if not for her "distractions" y'all would be dead instead of me...

Thankfully I have an infinite number of lives...I'm too damn strong to kill permanently. So, enjoy this victory while it lasts...

And now, without further ado...the story of my death in London.

Dear lovers,

We’ve neglected our duties for a week. It’s time to set the record straight about how you met your watery demise. And spend some work time writing personal emails.

Thursday evening:

18:00hrs Agent Bi and Agent Aleph compose a bogus e-mail to the Gribster (hi!) pretending to be Supreme, entitled “Drier than a Nun’s Crotch”. It went a little (a lot, actually) (actually, this is the actual email) like this:

Aaah. now that was satisfying.

Anyway, back to my duties to you... not that you deserve it you lazy excuses for "assassins". I'd have been wetter waiting for you douchebags in the Sahara than I was on Russell Street. Hopefully you can prove me wrong this time...

Liverpool Street - EC2M - If you can't find me from this information you're not even worthy for the rogues.

Peep the website and I'll give you one more clue if no one makes an attempt by this evening, I will give even more info...I'm frankly getting a bit bored...

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

18:30hrs Agent Bi arrived at said Starbucks whilst Agent Aleph sent the email and awaited a reply (he didn’t reply). Bi found a cunning hiding place on an office balcony overlooking the Starbucks and she waited… and waited…

19:00hrs and waited…

20:00hrs and waited…

20:05hrs and gave up…

20:10hrs Agent Aleph checks details of all Starbucks in central London open late. She sends Agent Bi to Leicester Square and then the Trocadero. Leicester Square is the only Starbucks open late which has Wi-Fi access, so Bi positions herself behind a book and settles down for the evening.

21:30hrs Agent Aleph has pressed the refresh button on the Streetwars blog 1836 times in the past 3 hours. Supreme has still not posted a blog, despite his promise to do so “later”.

23:00hrs Agent Aleph is thrown out of work, where she has been waiting in case a blog is posted (she is a pauper and has no internet at home). Agent Bi is thrown out of Starbucks (she is a pauper and has only bought one drink in 3 hours). But that is not why she was thrown out, Starbucks closed.

23:30hrs The Agents met at Hotel Russell, as it was close to Supreme’s first blog of the day. They asked whether their “friend” Franz had checked into their hotel the previous night. He hadn’t. They checked some other hotels in the vicinity with no success. Slightly dejected, they headed for Agent Bi’s house. Aleph, the “sacrificial lamb”, went first, checking the coast was clear – the rogues would be less likely to be looking out for Aleph at Bi’s residence. Being satisfied that the coast was clear, Bi made a bolt for it while Aleph opened the door on the count of 10. TEAMWORK! YEAH!

00:30hrs As the agents were warming themselves up for bed, Aleph’s phone suddenly rang. Guess who? The conversation went something like this:

Aleph: Hello? (pretend sleep voice)

Supreme: Anita Marsden? (American accent)

Aleph: Yeah? (pretend sleep voice)

Supreme: Did I wake you?

Aleph: Er… no. Don’t worry I was just being fake asleep. (Chortle).

Supreme: I was just wondering what you guys were up to?

Aleph: We’re waiting for you to come round for your lapdance, Supreme.

Supreme: Really? (He thinks: Mmmm, Aleph and Bi are so hot, I am so tempted by their sexy offer). What time were you expecting me?

Aleph: As soon as you can – we’re at Agent Bi’s house, why don’t you pop over?

Supreme: Sure. I guess… Although that would be suicide. Why don’t you girls come round to my hotel?

Aleph: Erm… wouldn’t that be suicide for us? We’re going to have to have a think about this one. We’ll call you when we know what we’re doing.

Supreme: OK. Someone is going to die tonight…

The agents called the hotel to find out which room number the phone number belonged to. 402.

01:00hrs Aleph and Bi exit the flat and make their way to some SHITHOLE hotel “Threadneedles”.

01:40hrs As they approach the Hotel they see a couple of workers on a late shift. Agent Bi and Aleph persuade one of them to call the Supreme Commander pretending to be the Gribster, on his way to the hotel. The agents want to know whether there were going to be any unwelcome intruders on their lapdancing slash killing date with Supreme.

Supreme: Hello?

Worker man: Hi it’s Rob Gribbin. I’m on my way.

Supreme: (Sounding taken aback) Hi Rob, how are you doing?

Worker man: I’m OK. I’m on my way.

Supreme: You’re on your way? How did you find me?

Worker man: Er… I’m on my way. See you soon. (Hangs up)

01:45hrs Having ensured that at least the Gribster hadn’t been invited, the agents assume that their date is exclusive. Agent Aleph calls Supreme and arranges for the two agents to meet him in the lobby (predesignated a “safe zone”) at 02:30hrs. She claims it will take them that long to get there. Hehe, as if.

01:50hrs Agent Aleph enters the hotel lobby, walking closely behind a man delivering the morning papers. She headed for the kitchens to find somewhere to drop her bags and hide while she waited for Supreme. She heard footsteps approaching the area and stood up to see a couple hand in hand looking as if they were searching for somewhere to have a bit of late night “fun”. She greeted them politely, surprising them. They claimed to have got lost searching for the lift. They turned to leave and Aleph, thinking they might be able to help her, asked if they were staying in the hotel. They said they were and so Aleph asked which room they were in. “402”. Alarm bells rang in Alephs head. She calmly directed them back to the lift and walked off in the opposite direction. She descended to the depths of the hotel basement, a dark, tombraider-esque concrete arrangement of arcs and passageways.

01:55hrs Agent Bi enters the hotel and heads for reception. A couple appeared to be checking in. They walked off toward the lifts as Bi approached. The man on reception asked Agent Bi which room she was in. “402” she said. The couple turned their heads. Giveaway!! Agent Bi followed the “couple” and watched them take a lift. As soon as the door had shut she ran through the nearest door – to the kitchen. Working her way through some passageways she found her partner, despite having had no contact with her due to the lack of phone reception in the hotel. Great minds think alike.

02:20hrs The agents realise it is almost time to meet with their lover. On the basis of Aleph’s honed skills in flirtation, and cleavage, she heads up to the lobby to await Supreme. Agent Bi agrees to explore and hide in the underbelly of the hotel and show no mercy to any who invade her territory.

02:45hrs Agent Aleph has been waiting for 20 minutes and Supreme has not showed up. She is pissed off. She calls him. A man answers the phone in a fake American accent and tells her he’ll call her back. He didn’t.

02:55hrs Agent Aleph calls again. Supreme answers the phone. “You’re late” says Aleph. Supreme was really apologetic, saying he had just gone down and couldn’t find her. It transpired that, terrified that the Gribster was hot on his toes, he had begun having paranoid delusions and when he saw Aleph, he thought he saw a blond man on a laptop.

03:00hrs Supreme joins Aleph on the couch. They flirt, they chat, they bond. He asks where Agent Bi is. Aleph tells him she has just checked into their room and is preparing it for their night of passion. Supreme is visibly turned on. Aleph sees Alex Blue run across the landing. She asks Supreme if he has invited any of the other players to the hotel, saying she had just seen someone with blue hair. Supreme curses the lack of subtlety of his rogues and asks Aleph if they had informed the Gribster of his location as he had received a phonecall from him. Aleph makes a mental note (fooled! Aha haha). She tells him the truth but he was too paranoid to listen.

03:30hrs Agent Bi has been doing a thorough check of all “backstage” areas of the hotel. It’s clear. Every so often she hears footsteps but she sees no one. She works out that there is only one unlocked entrance to the whole staff only area. She heads for it and finds a hiding place where she would be able to shoot anyone coming through the door before they would be able to get her.

03:35hrs Agent Aleph asks Supreme how he proposes that this stalemate ends. He asks Aleph to make a suggestion. She proposes a new rule: as long as they are together, they are safe from each other anywhere in the hotel. Supreme says “I do like to live dangerously”. Aleph says “I’m in more danger than you because I’m in danger from all of your rogues and you’re only in danger of Agent Bi”. Supreme is convinced. They “take a walk”. As they begin to exit the lobby area Agent Aleph sees some very small shoes at the bottom of a lift. She shoots them. A little moan escapes the fallen rogue, Evil Midget. Realising she was in imminent danger as the rogues were closing in, she walks to the door to the staff only area and flings it open. Bi is ready and as soon as the door opens she sprays her deadly poison. As Aleph opened the door, she is first to take the fire but Supreme’s attempt to throw himself out of the line of fire fails, Agent Bi’s shot is accurate and she wets him clean across the chest. “You’re wet, Supreme!” she calls. “I’m wet” he answers. “I’m dry” she says. The rogues arrived a second too late and, concerned that the agents may still pose their leader a danger, all hell broke loose from their supersoakers. A massive waterfight ensued with not a dry seat in the house (least of all Supreme’s crotch area). “Hang on” exclaims Supreme. “I’m still in the lobby”. “No you’re not” says Agent Bi. They debate for a while, and Supreme suggests that they ask the only unbiased person in the vicinity to confirm the boundaries of the “lobby”. Of course, Agent Bi was right – the lobby ended at the steps. Supreme turns to his rogues and admits “I’m dead… where were you guys?”

The agents licked their lips – sweet, sweet victory. Agent Bi slapped Supreme on the ass, and Agent Aleph followed suit. All agents headed to room 402 and drank the night away, courtesy of Threadneedles’ hotel bar. Not that they know that.

There you have it, darling. The story of your very own death. Read it and weep.

With much love, as always,

Team Etanissassa-X

Comments (7)

Game Updates/Player Stories

The Death of the Supreme Commander

August 30, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 10:41 PM

You have no idea how much it hurts to relive the events of my death...and yet, the horrible events leading to my demise must be chronicled...

Thankfully, the winner of the tournament, aside from having excellent control of a water gun also has excellent control of language and has seen it in her heart to write up the story of my death so all you non-winners can see how it is supposed to be done.

Respect Abi...and some respect for your teammate Anita as well...you owe her big time...if not for her "distractions" y'all would be dead instead of me...

Thankfully I have an infinite number of lives...I'm too damn strong to kill permanently. So, enjoy this victory while it lasts...

And now, without further ado...the story of my death in London.

Dear lovers,

We’ve neglected our duties for a week. It’s time to set the record straight about how you met your watery demise. And spend some work time writing personal emails.

Thursday evening:

18:00hrs Agent Bi and Agent Aleph compose a bogus e-mail to the Gribster (hi!) pretending to be Supreme, entitled “Drier than a Nun’s Crotch”. It went a little (a lot, actually) (actually, this is the actual email) like this:

Aaah. now that was satisfying.

Anyway, back to my duties to you... not that you deserve it you lazy excuses for "assassins". I'd have been wetter waiting for you douchebags in the Sahara than I was on Russell Street. Hopefully you can prove me wrong this time...

Liverpool Street - EC2M - If you can't find me from this information you're not even worthy for the rogues.

Peep the website and I'll give you one more clue if no one makes an attempt by this evening, I will give even more info...I'm frankly getting a bit bored...

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

18:30hrs Agent Bi arrived at said Starbucks whilst Agent Aleph sent the email and awaited a reply (he didn’t reply). Bi found a cunning hiding place on an office balcony overlooking the Starbucks and she waited… and waited…

19:00hrs and waited…

20:00hrs and waited…

20:05hrs and gave up…

20:10hrs Agent Aleph checks details of all Starbucks in central London open late. She sends Agent Bi to Leicester Square and then the Trocadero. Leicester Square is the only Starbucks open late which has Wi-Fi access, so Bi positions herself behind a book and settles down for the evening.

21:30hrs Agent Aleph has pressed the refresh button on the Streetwars blog 1836 times in the past 3 hours. Supreme has still not posted a blog, despite his promise to do so “later”.

23:00hrs Agent Aleph is thrown out of work, where she has been waiting in case a blog is posted (she is a pauper and has no internet at home). Agent Bi is thrown out of Starbucks (she is a pauper and has only bought one drink in 3 hours). But that is not why she was thrown out, Starbucks closed.

23:30hrs The Agents met at Hotel Russell, as it was close to Supreme’s first blog of the day. They asked whether their “friend” Franz had checked into their hotel the previous night. He hadn’t. They checked some other hotels in the vicinity with no success. Slightly dejected, they headed for Agent Bi’s house. Aleph, the “sacrificial lamb”, went first, checking the coast was clear – the rogues would be less likely to be looking out for Aleph at Bi’s residence. Being satisfied that the coast was clear, Bi made a bolt for it while Aleph opened the door on the count of 10. TEAMWORK! YEAH!

00:30hrs As the agents were warming themselves up for bed, Aleph’s phone suddenly rang. Guess who? The conversation went something like this:

Aleph: Hello? (pretend sleep voice)

Supreme: Anita Marsden? (American accent)

Aleph: Yeah? (pretend sleep voice)

Supreme: Did I wake you?

Aleph: Er… no. Don’t worry I was just being fake asleep. (Chortle).

Supreme: I was just wondering what you guys were up to?

Aleph: We’re waiting for you to come round for your lapdance, Supreme.

Supreme: Really? (He thinks: Mmmm, Aleph and Bi are so hot, I am so tempted by their sexy offer). What time were you expecting me?

Aleph: As soon as you can – we’re at Agent Bi’s house, why don’t you pop over?

Supreme: Sure. I guess… Although that would be suicide. Why don’t you girls come round to my hotel?

Aleph: Erm… wouldn’t that be suicide for us? We’re going to have to have a think about this one. We’ll call you when we know what we’re doing.

Supreme: OK. Someone is going to die tonight…

The agents called the hotel to find out which room number the phone number belonged to. 402.

01:00hrs Aleph and Bi exit the flat and make their way to some SHITHOLE hotel “Threadneedles”.

01:40hrs As they approach the Hotel they see a couple of workers on a late shift. Agent Bi and Aleph persuade one of them to call the Supreme Commander pretending to be the Gribster, on his way to the hotel. The agents want to know whether there were going to be any unwelcome intruders on their lapdancing slash killing date with Supreme.

Supreme: Hello?

Worker man: Hi it’s Rob Gribbin. I’m on my way.

Supreme: (Sounding taken aback) Hi Rob, how are you doing?

Worker man: I’m OK. I’m on my way.

Supreme: You’re on your way? How did you find me?

Worker man: Er… I’m on my way. See you soon. (Hangs up)

01:45hrs Having ensured that at least the Gribster hadn’t been invited, the agents assume that their date is exclusive. Agent Aleph calls Supreme and arranges for the two agents to meet him in the lobby (predesignated a “safe zone”) at 02:30hrs. She claims it will take them that long to get there. Hehe, as if.

01:50hrs Agent Aleph enters the hotel lobby, walking closely behind a man delivering the morning papers. She headed for the kitchens to find somewhere to drop her bags and hide while she waited for Supreme. She heard footsteps approaching the area and stood up to see a couple hand in hand looking as if they were searching for somewhere to have a bit of late night “fun”. She greeted them politely, surprising them. They claimed to have got lost searching for the lift. They turned to leave and Aleph, thinking they might be able to help her, asked if they were staying in the hotel. They said they were and so Aleph asked which room they were in. “402”. Alarm bells rang in Alephs head. She calmly directed them back to the lift and walked off in the opposite direction. She descended to the depths of the hotel basement, a dark, tombraider-esque concrete arrangement of arcs and passageways.

01:55hrs Agent Bi enters the hotel and heads for reception. A couple appeared to be checking in. They walked off toward the lifts as Bi approached. The man on reception asked Agent Bi which room she was in. “402” she said. The couple turned their heads. Giveaway!! Agent Bi followed the “couple” and watched them take a lift. As soon as the door had shut she ran through the nearest door – to the kitchen. Working her way through some passageways she found her partner, despite having had no contact with her due to the lack of phone reception in the hotel. Great minds think alike.

02:20hrs The agents realise it is almost time to meet with their lover. On the basis of Aleph’s honed skills in flirtation, and cleavage, she heads up to the lobby to await Supreme. Agent Bi agrees to explore and hide in the underbelly of the hotel and show no mercy to any who invade her territory.

02:45hrs Agent Aleph has been waiting for 20 minutes and Supreme has not showed up. She is pissed off. She calls him. A man answers the phone in a fake American accent and tells her he’ll call her back. He didn’t.

02:55hrs Agent Aleph calls again. Supreme answers the phone. “You’re late” says Aleph. Supreme was really apologetic, saying he had just gone down and couldn’t find her. It transpired that, terrified that the Gribster was hot on his toes, he had begun having paranoid delusions and when he saw Aleph, he thought he saw a blond man on a laptop.

03:00hrs Supreme joins Aleph on the couch. They flirt, they chat, they bond. He asks where Agent Bi is. Aleph tells him she has just checked into their room and is preparing it for their night of passion. Supreme is visibly turned on. Aleph sees Alex Blue run across the landing. She asks Supreme if he has invited any of the other players to the hotel, saying she had just seen someone with blue hair. Supreme curses the lack of subtlety of his rogues and asks Aleph if they had informed the Gribster of his location as he had received a phonecall from him. Aleph makes a mental note (fooled! Aha haha). She tells him the truth but he was too paranoid to listen.

03:30hrs Agent Bi has been doing a thorough check of all “backstage” areas of the hotel. It’s clear. Every so often she hears footsteps but she sees no one. She works out that there is only one unlocked entrance to the whole staff only area. She heads for it and finds a hiding place where she would be able to shoot anyone coming through the door before they would be able to get her.

03:35hrs Agent Aleph asks Supreme how he proposes that this stalemate ends. He asks Aleph to make a suggestion. She proposes a new rule: as long as they are together, they are safe from each other anywhere in the hotel. Supreme says “I do like to live dangerously”. Aleph says “I’m in more danger than you because I’m in danger from all of your rogues and you’re only in danger of Agent Bi”. Supreme is convinced. They “take a walk”. As they begin to exit the lobby area Agent Aleph sees some very small shoes at the bottom of a lift. She shoots them. A little moan escapes the fallen rogue, Evil Midget. Realising she was in imminent danger as the rogues were closing in, she walks to the door to the staff only area and flings it open. Bi is ready and as soon as the door opens she sprays her deadly poison. As Aleph opened the door, she is first to take the fire but Supreme’s attempt to throw himself out of the line of fire fails, Agent Bi’s shot is accurate and she wets him clean across the chest. “You’re wet, Supreme!” she calls. “I’m wet” he answers. “I’m dry” she says. The rogues arrived a second too late and, concerned that the agents may still pose their leader a danger, all hell broke loose from their supersoakers. A massive waterfight ensued with not a dry seat in the house (least of all Supreme’s crotch area). “Hang on” exclaims Supreme. “I’m still in the lobby”. “No you’re not” says Agent Bi. They debate for a while, and Supreme suggests that they ask the only unbiased person in the vicinity to confirm the boundaries of the “lobby”. Of course, Agent Bi was right – the lobby ended at the steps. Supreme turns to his rogues and admits “I’m dead… where were you guys?”

The agents licked their lips – sweet, sweet victory. Agent Bi slapped Supreme on the ass, and Agent Aleph followed suit. All agents headed to room 402 and drank the night away, courtesy of Threadneedles’ hotel bar. Not that they know that.

There you have it, darling. The story of your very own death. Read it and weep.

With much love, as always,

Team Etanissassa-X

Comments (4)

Game Updates/Player Stories

No Skills

August 17, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 11:23 AM

I have to thank all of you that came to Heathrow to greet me...I saw at least one of you around...and you definately saw me, although you may have not realized it...

Did you know that they do not let you take water guns on a plane? Not even in your carry-on luggage?!

I knew this.

So, knowing that I would arrive unarmed and would have to leave the airport without weapons, did you think I might be wearing a disguise?

It made me snicker seeing you eyeing passengers intently and fidgeting with your weapons...is it possible for you children to be more obvious? You're a bunch of rank amateurs, barely worthy of the title "assassin".

Well, bad/good/bad news for you tools is that now that I'm armed and dangerouser, I likely won't be rocking a disguise...unless I'm hunting you.

Yeah...I'm a bit bored and frankly disgusted by your lack of subtlety, so I think I might go hunting some of you this evening...though strip clubs are also an enticing prospect for the evening...hmmm...perhaps a tour of strip clubs...we'll see how I feel later - killy or horny...I expect horny.

Also, I'll let you know this...I'm not going to be using the internet connection at my hotel. I will be going to internet cafes to make postings. Like now for example I'm in a Starbucks at:

Covent Garden WC2 - Russell Street
10 Russell Street
London WC2B 5HZ

I'll be in the hood for another 45 minutes or so...then off to see my Agent.

Hahahahha...

All my postings will come from Starbucks. I hate their fucking coffee, it is an affront to real coffee everywhere, is over priced and tastes like burnt shit...but they do have comfortable seats and decent WiFi connections...

[not that *I* would know what burnt shit tastes like but, that is what my food taster told me when I made him compare the two]

I'll give you some more information about my movements, some players stories and more information about last night's slaughter a bit later...from another Starbucks.

Peas!

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

Comments (49)

Game Updates/Player Stories

The Honey Trap

August 10, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 2:10 AM

"Blood on the Streets"

That, my friends, is the aftermath of the Honey Trap...an honorable assassin fell there, in perhaps one of the most devious and damp wettings in the history of this tournament.

I'll give you the short version of the story:

*Assassin talks smack about the Shadow Government
*Rogue Assassin hears about it
*A sweet, mouthwateringly delicious revenge is extracted by the Rogues Assassins
*Karma: Wetted Assassin gets wetted Again

The deliciousness, however is in the details...and I'll let the Rogue Assassins themselves tell you all about it.

Respect, Rogue Assassins.

Respect.

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

THE HONEY TRAP (or How we silenced the SILENCE)

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

After 4 days of plotting, last night the 8 Rogue agents took down SILENCE in the streets of Covent Garden. His first mistake was to trust the people he had gunned down, and attempt to bypass the SC/MC/SG, by asking them for information on his new target. Little did he know that they had now turned rogue and were out to seek vengeance for their untimely death.

Luring him into a false sense of security, Lady CB had several telephone conversations with SILENCE where she expressed a great disappointment in the game and the fact that since ‘dying’ has had no contact with anyone from the SG. She offered to give him some information on his target (as they had gathered a heluva lot of intel) and in return SILENCE offered to by the good ladies a drink to apologise for taking them out of the game and to make up for the neglect they have been feeling.

2 days ago, the meet was arranged for Tuesday evening where information would be swapped for several bottles of wine – in a bar near to his targets workplace. The might of the Rogues was summoned – as many as possible were called to take the SILENCE out.

Texts were then swapped between Lady CB and SILENCE confirming the meet.

Lady CB “See you at 7pm”

SILENCE “Cool – looking forward to it”

SILENCE then feeling a little paranoid then changed the venue at the last minute to a bar in Covent Garden. Perfect – Lady CB knew this bar well and knew there was only one entrance/exit. Rogues were informed and instructions for the evening were sent out.

Timeline as follows:

6.50pm – Agents arrive (unarmed) to find SILENCE at the bar – joke about not having weapons on them!

6.55pm – A friend of Agents deposits their weapons in the ladies toilet

7pm – Friend of SILENCE comes into the bar (he originally was going to hide and look out for assassins but was persuaded by the ladies to join them for a drink)

7pm – 5 rogue agents get into position both inside and outside of bar – some have girlfriends with them as cover

7.05pm – Drinks ordered, high visibility table taken

7.15pm – CB receives a text from Guttenberg “Target locked, we’re ready to pounce”

7.30pm – SILENCE’s girlfriend turns up

7.45pm – Rogue Agent EP turns up and joins the SILENCE table

7.15pm/9.30pm – Many many drinks consumed, jokes exchanged about game, false intel given – CB still expresses much disappointment in the whole thing

9.30pm – SILENCE’s girlfriend goes to ladies toilets and discovers stash of weapons…

9.31pm – Confronts CB and others about weapon stash in Ladies toilet

9.32pm - CB and others laugh off the fact they might be rogues – they were just bringing them home from work and put them there to ensure he didn’t get paranoid about them. Surprisingly SILENCE believes them and laughs about it!!!!!

9.35pm – Lady CB gets another round of drinks to ease the tension

9.45pm – EM leaves saying she needs to go home to do domestic duties

9.45pm/10.40pm – Many many drinks consumed, more false intel given. 5 Agents still in position, EM has now joined them.

10.45pm – SILENCE makes noises about leaving, Lady CB suggests that they give him 10mins grace just to ease his paranoia. Lady CB sends text to waiting agents.

10.50pm – SILENCE leaves bar

10.51pm - 5 Rogues surround him from all sides, the wetting commences

10.53pm - Lady CB/EP come outside – Lady CB takes great delight in shooting his crotch area ( …Girlfriend laughs )

10.55pm – ID card handed over to G

11pm - SILENCE

This all goes to show – never trust anyone in this game. You never know which side they are on.

“Silence is the virtue of fools”
Francis Bacon

*********************************************************************

32pm - CB and others laugh off the fact they might be rogues – they were just bringing them home from work and put them there to ensure he didn’t get paranoid about them. Surprisingly SILENCE believes them and laughs about it!!!!!

9.45pm – EM leaves saying she needs to go home to do domestic duties

Not quite.

EM was certain we’ve been rumbled by girlfriend which we hadn’t counted on being there!

Smart of Silence to bring her along, but not clever enough for the resourceful Rogues.

EM sees girlfriend using the phone loads, so suspects she may be calling for back-up, or fourth spy to scan for rogues. EM also sees Silence’s friend looking at Agents outside by the window suspecting them.

To warn the other rogues outside, EM manages to send text messages whilst ordering drinks and ’loo breaks’.

After second bottle of wine, EM knows that Silence is already on alert.

I decide to excuse myself that I was tired and needed to go home, to the surprise of all, including fellow agents CB and EP. As if.

Twas a mere ploy for Silence to think that I’d given up on wetting him by making him feel confident and smug about the fact he discovered we were Rogues early on. Even left my guns with CB/EP so he thought there was no way I’d attack as I was unarmed. He had no idea it was crawling with agents.

A fool to have chosen a bar with one exit/entrance. Both Silence and girlfriend believed the midget decoy, and were not therefore expecting male agents within the vicinity.

Amazing effort from all Rogues!

CB/EP for keeping the lies and wine flowing.

5 Agents for totally owning the street with their positions.

As for weapons stash ala Godfather style. Predictable yes, but skills towards damage control were utilised well I thought.

*********************************************************************

Supreme. Mustache.

The kill story of Silence’s second death:

“How to kill the undead”

Despite giving him a 45 minute chase and a surprise death street party, with bunting, the former Agent who refers to himself as “SILENCE” seemed reluctant to die, even declining the tempting, albeit slightly loaded, invitation to a follow-up “Death Dinner Party”. How wrong we were! How fickle his fate and whims! In the past 24 hours he has died not only once, but twice!

The first killing is someone else’s (in fact, about 9 other people’s) story to tell, but here’s how SILENCE fell victim to the death hands of Etanissassa-x:

Monday night, 19.00hrs. The Agents paid a visit to “good old Ronnie” to give her the gift they had prepared as a thank you for lending them her housemate’s bedroom the previous night. And to collect their water bomb stash. Hoping for another stake out from her window, but quickly feeling ever so slightly unwelcome, they bade a swift farewell and resumed observation through the window of the block entrance downstairs. It was not long before someone (with more hair than Silence) made his way down to Silence’s abode. Upon this sighting, Agent Bi wandered across the road, casual as you like, to observe his movements. Suddenly, almost as soon as he had entered, he unexpectedly emerged from the front door, straight into Agent Bi. If Agent Bi hadn’t been so convincing as an innocent resident of Betterton Street, he would certainly have suspected peculiar goings on. She retreated to her “residence” and continued to observe the stranger. It became clear from his movements, to and from a car with much luggage, that he was moving in. How perfect! Aleph made the next journey – imagine the luck she would have if he was leaving the door open for ease of moving. Yes! He had! She began to make her way subtly down the steps to the entrance but new housemate turned and began his way back. Seeing the danger, Aleph quickly retreated. Agent Bi made a plan. The next time he left the flat, she would run, run like the wind straight through the gate, down the steps and throw herself under Silence’s bed, awaiting his unsuspecting return. Alas, housemate had clocked Agent Aleph, wised up to the untoward happenings and secured not only the door but also the gate. Bugger.

Our work began for real on a fresh Tuesday evening, when Agent Bi was whiling away her time on a washing machine in a conveniently located Laundrette. (Aleph being busy defending the wet patch in her patient’s car). After about 2 hours of “entertainment” she noticed the behaired housemate returning to his lair. A plan had to be formulated, and fast. She made radio contact with Aleph and was persuaded to see if she couldn’t invite herself in for a little heart to heart with the housemate. She did, and she did. Well done Bi. Here’s how it went:

Agent Bi: Ring ring (doorbell)

Ross: Doesn’t answer

Agent Bi: Pump pump (heart). Ring ring (doorbell)

Ross: Oh, sorry, I wondered what that sound was!

Agent Bi: Chortle chortle, have you only just moved in or something?

Ross: Yes, just yesterday.

Agent Bi: (mental note, yippee!) Oh, does that mean the room has gone (does good impression of disappointed face)

Ross: Actually I think there’s still another one going. You can ask the Landlady, I’ve got her number if you want it.

Agent Bi: (mental note, NO WAY!! Landlady is uber-suspicious and has caught me numerous times) Don’t worry, I’ve already got her number. Do you mind if I have a quick look at the room?

Ross: Erm, uh, OK, I guess.

Agent Bi: Cool, thanks.

Ross lets Agent Bi in. She checks out Silence’s house. He he, it feels so naughty!

Agent Bi: Wow, it’s really nice. £500 a month isn’t it, or is it less for this room?

Ross: I think so, I’m not sure.

Agent Bi: So what are the housemates like? Are they nice?

Ross: They weren’t in last night, I haven’t even met them yet!

Agent Bi: (mental note, Oh really? How convenient!) Hmm. Actually I know one of them, he’s called John.

Ross: Oh right.

Agent Bi: We’re kind of playing a water pistol game against each other at the moment. Have you heard of Streetwars?

Ross: No.

Agent Bi: Oh, well, he shot me in the back of the head the other night – isn’t that mean? I need to get him back. Then, in a dejected voice: But, I guess there’s not much you can do because you don’t even know John!

Ross: (Feeling sorry for the poor, slighted agent) Well I suppose I could take your number, then I could text you when he gets in.

Agent Bi: Hey! That’s such a great idea! You’re so clever! (flatter, flatter).

Agent Bi picks up some pictures of Silence that were lying in his flat next to a water balloon, both of which had been posted through the letter box by some agent or other. Oh the laughs they must have had!

Agent Bi: Here’s what he looks like. This is so great, I can’t wait.

Ross: Can I text you any time?

Agent Bi: Any time at all (mental note, this is sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!). Well, anyway, thank you so much, you’re a star.

Agent Bi lingers a little before leaving, in case Ross was going to invite her to wait under Silence’s bed until he came home. He didn’t.

Wednesday

01:15hrs: Ross texts Agent Bi “He’s here”

06:45hrs: The agents get up and head to Silence’s pad. They hide, Aleph in the alleyway parallel to Silence’s street, giving access to both road exits, Bi at one end of his street on lookout.

08:00hrs: Agent Bi is bored, so texts Ross asking if he fancied breakfast in bed. Unfortunately he was “just leaving”.

08:20hrs: Agent Bi “bumps into” Ross. He informs her that Silence has just got out of the shower. Thump thump.

08:25hrs: Agent Bi has been hiding behind a flower van for 10 minutes. She sparks up conversation with the flower van drivers. It goes something like this:

Agent Bi: Hi. Are you a bit wierded out by the fact that I’m hiding behind your van?

Van man: A bit. What are you doing?

Agent Bi: Waiting for a friend. Sort of. Actually I’m trying to kill him.

Van man: Er….

Agent Bi: Don’t worry, it’s just a game. Do you want to see my gun? She shows him her gun.

Van man: Oh! Ha ha!

There follows an interesting and deep conversation in which Agent Bi endears herself to the Van man. Because she is super clever, other parts of her brain have meanwhile been hatching a plan.

Agent Bi: Hey I’ve just hatched a really good plan. Here’s what we’ll do. When the girlfriend comes out to check the coast is clear, I’ll hop into the van, as if I’ve just been to the shop quickly to buy a packet of crisps. Then, you’ll start the engine and as soon as our target emerges we’ll drive up the street towards him. It’s foolproof! And, what’s more, you get to take part in a drive-by shooting!

Van man: Right. Huh.

Van men aren’t quite sure if Agent Bi is being serious. They don’t even strictly agree to her plan.

08:35hrs: Girlfriend AND target emerge. Agent Bi radios Agent Aleph and delivers the code “THE WAY!!!” Bi jumps into the van, despite the lack of definite consent by Van man. “Go, go, go!” Luckily, the urging nature of her voice jolts them into action and they speed off after the couple. “SLOWER!” Bi orders, trying to take aim. As they approach Silence from behind, he doesn’t even flinch. Bi fires a massive continuous round, machine-gun style, to the head and back of the target. Almost wetting herself with joy and the smell of victory, Bi leaps from the van and meets Silence face to face. “Very good”, he said. Something seemed wrong. He didn’t look like the others did when we killed them. “I’ve got bad news… I’m already dead”. “What??” The agents felt bemused and robbed. Such effort and planning and all for nothing. He didn’t even have a card to give them – “The rogues took it”.

So that, as they say, is that.

Anyway, at least we can say goodbye to [REDACTED] Street. Although, we’ll miss the laundrette ;-)

Love, as always, from the bottom of our hearts,

Aleph and Bi.

*********************************************************************

[END]

Comments (21)

Game Updates/Player Stories

The Quick and the Dead

August 9, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 9:59 PM

It has been done.

It may interest you kids to know that I just finished going over the Master Wettings List. All the wannabe assassins that signed up and went 2 whole weeks without making the required kills, the punks that couldn't get #2 and those not cunning, lucky and tenacious enough are all gone...but a few of you remain.

How many you ask?

Far be it from me to keep you from this information.

We are now down to but 15 playing units left dry...and a few of those might be removed in the next 24 hours...

The kill leader is Agent Sharky, with 6 kills..though he has someone right on his ass, Agent Fear Factor Five, with 5 kills. London has some damn deadly assassins...

We are quickly heading to the end of the third week and barring some deluge of Akkadian proportions, it certainly does not seem that there will be a Last Person Standing when Monday rolls around.

...and so, we will have to go into a single week of Sudden Death to determine a winner.

The rules change drastically during that time. Things that concern you now will no longer concern you. Targets will change...and someone will end up getting wet.

Your little minds are probably full of questions about Sudden Death. Your thirst for more information will not be slaked by this posting. The details of Sudden Death will not be posted until Tuesday.

I am sure that those of you that survive that long will not be disappointed by the new task given you come Tuesday.

There were recently some behind the sceme machinations that I was not yet at liberty to reveal. The time for their unveiling is nearly here. There will be another posting shortly...

So...until I give you the candy I know yer gonna love in the next post, amuse yourselves with some player stories.

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

***********************************************************************

02/08 – Woke up rather later than usual, having been recovering from my pervious kill. Got an Email from Supreme Commander, I was commended to be filmed by a bunch of French TV crew! I was reduced to dry tears. With my new improved pistols, I got out of my door and I walked cautiously toward the tube. Suddenly I saw a beam of water coming at me from the traffic. My assassin was shooting at me on the busiest road in the area, while driving! I reminded him the rule about moving vehicle, and he rushed off as the police was also hassling him. I shot his back window as I waved him good bye.

Then I was on full alert mode when I made my way to the office from station, little did I know my assassin drove in fifth gear, parked his car in the town centre and ran to my office to wait for me. He shot me again just outside my work, just as he thought I spotted him, I was too impressed with his commitment and gave him my ID. But three blinks later I was screaming for my card back as we were 10 metres away from my office door. Fail. I made sure he understand that there is no third time lucky in my book.

I finished work at 6pm, called a taxi to replace the 2 minutes walk to the station. It worked and my mind was free. Sweet.

My new target is based in Newington, so I spent the next hour on the tube studying the map and the surrounding area. But all that was not needed when I arrive at an Internet café to take another look at the target. I found out that I can actually rent a room in the same building as my man, as he lives in a students block and there are many rooms available. I made a call to the reception and request for a viewing at 9pm. The lady was ever so kind to agree, she showed me a room which would be exactly the same as my target but in a different block. She confirmed there is only one exit and everyone needs a pass to enter, as I told her I have a friend in block D, she suggested that it would not be a matter to be placed there.

I am in heaven, I will be living with my target, possibly sharing a kitchen, as well as escaping from my assassin, for at least a night, even it is costing me 20 quids. Booked a room for Monday 07/08, just need to lay low now for the next few days….

03/08 – Had no plan to kill or to be killed. The only thing I needed to kill was time, went to watch superman in my running outfit. The ending was appalling. I found the number of my next target’s pervious assassin. I had an idea.

04/08 – Had to work at 9AM, I figure the only way to avoid my assassin at my front door is to sprint to another side of the road, which I did. As I was skating to one of three tube station I have been using in rotation, my assassin called, I admitted that I was heading to a tube station to go to work. He lied to me that he was at his office.

Got to Wimbledon and decided to jump on a taxi, as I did the pervious two days. My assassin was two blocks away from my work and called me as soon as he noticed a hooded man was in a taxi. It was me. And I didn’t too fancy water splash for breakfast.
Found out that I won’t be staying in my target’s block, no big deal, because I have tracked down his pervious assassin, she was very happy to disclose her findings so far. I will be meeting her mate inside the block tomorrow for a day of surveillance mission, with the French TV crew.

Up until this point I have not lied to my assassin once, I gave him all my working hours and location I will be in. He was now 100% with me. It was time to use this advantage, I had to go home this evening so I lied to my assassin for the first time that I will be spending a night at a friends’ in Golders Green, he took it all in and I had a clear passage home. I started packing.

Spoke to various people involving with my next kill and developed a plan, I also was keeping in touch with the TV crew from France, and an appointment was made for a meeting at King Cross station at 2pm the next day. I told them I would bring a surprise packet, which would be my assassin, I want us both to be filmed. I called my assassin and told him about the meeting, gave him my new address which I would move to on Sunday, and got an out of jail card from Supreme Commander for the move. Only did my assassin know that I won’t be staying there for the next two days…. I hope he will be tracking me.

I hoped my assassin will be at King’s Cross at 2pm, so that I can leave my house freely, otherwise it would be another taxi job. I have noted down all the cars on the street, prepared for a morning check up for suspicious vehicles.
05/08 - The day has came, French TV crew arrived without wettness at 10:30 am, I am just so glad I am one of the chosen one. I looked out the window to see if the cars outside were in different shape or form. Nope. I got my gear ready as I wasnt prepare to come home, as I have a 8.5 hours gap to move house the day after, I am going hunting....

I sprinted across the road as I did the day before, jumped on my skateboard and roll down to the tube. A woman was taking cover when I was about 20 yeads away, seeing my enormous supersoaker pumping away.... Can't blame her. Got to the station safe and arrived at King's Cross, where me, TV crew and my assassin agreed to meet. The TV crew had no idea I was going to bring my own assassin into the equation, but the interviewer quickly sussed it out. We headed toward a pub inside the station for an interview but was turned down by the bar manager. We then came up with the idea that if both of us give up our guns to the crew, and do the filming outside at a bus stop, it would not be a truce.

We made comments about each other, showed off our kills, but so far we have not made great TV materials... So I decided to turn on the style on my hacky sack, but as soon as the camera turned my way my legs just gave in. Oh well. My assassin departed and I gave him clues of where I was going to be next. Me and the crew then went back inside, as they were craving for some BK burgers.

We finally got on a taxi and was heading toward my target's place. I had had a contact behind the heavily guarded gate, but he texted me to claim that he was away to fix his final thesis. Oh well, we sat in the park for a while, but the crew had to go as they have an appointment in central London later. I layed flat in the park outside my target's fortress, fell straight asleep after 4 days of constant cat and mouse. I was awaken by my assassin's call in a urgent tone, he couldnt find me anywhere in the postcode I provided, well of course, I didn't even know the real post code. Nevermind, he said to me that he had a check in with the Supreme Goverment later that evening, I wished him good luck. But I knew his time was numbered.

I got bored in the park dancing with bitey insects, I was determinded to barge into the building, which was actually a "hello hows it going" away, I made up some bullshit about filming a music video, perparing for the film crew return. I sat myself in the reception, the only exit of the complex, with my supersoaker hidden behind the wall. I fell asleep again on the couch after a mustard tomato chicken sandwich....

Four hours gone by but no target, I have be-friended with the sercuity guard and earn my access into the complex, I found my target's block (D), and begun my questioning among the neighbours.... They all said my target was very edgy at the beginning, but had not seen him for a few days... I took it as he was out hunting all the time.... As I return to the reception, I asked if my target still lives there, he rang his room and a lady answered... Oh shit. Who would that be?

While I was making calls for further assisstance from the former assassin, a lady appoarched me and asked if I was looking for LW (My target). My instinct was to say no, but then she forced the serucity out of his room and confronted me. Busted. She told me that my target has fled the town for a job interview, and not playing the game anymore. I called my target for confirmation "Yes I am gone"

Well Fucking good luck with your job!! You just wasted my 40 quids tracking you down, booking a room, showing the TV crew... I could have made you fucking famous!! And you choose to stay home for a pissy job!!!?! Only joking mate, I do wish you good luck with your career, I am not really mad at you, beside I can use that room for hiding from my new assassin, who I believe is rather good.

I would like to use this space to thanks Celia and the crew for fitting my giant head in the screen.

Munkiboy.

*********************************************************************

hello i am just righting to inform you that this evening, i finshed my tour in the game. i leave this mixed emotion my assins was very
fortunate. i was returing for a day a way in the courty side, where a
combinationg of little slip lots of work, and a mind number anount of
alkoholl ,i returned home laded with bags amd desidely wers for were,
as i walked up the stair approching my house, i herd screeming, it
seems my assasin and her acumplice, had trunded ther guns on each
other, with fustration. arriving at the top of the stairs i was my
killers, isitting on the floor out side my houe.

pathetic i thought, i standing in plain vow and they have not even notised me, deep in there oun issuse. beeing tire and hung over, and in no mood for pissing about, a run foered firing, they returned fire and in the mass of water, it is impossible to say what happened. i started firing first but the magority of my shot where taken up the acumplice, being in from of my assais, an welding the larger wepon. my assain, rose up with glee nand triam, she had been waiting all day, happy yhthat she had finayl got her man. her convition ws absolut, and not being able to clear prove anything i felt that in a draw faver tips to the assasin. i give up my card with a hevie hart. but in truth it was for the best. there are othere thing i must turn my attention two.

i just wanted to say that it has been a britlant exspeerence, and cthank you for running it. i look forward to the next one. weal dun. see you soon

love bart

*********************************************************************

dear sirs,

further to agent dko's message informing you of our kill here is my account of it:

our target was a toughy. we were, for pretty much our whole second week, completely stumped. not a clue how to get him. we didn't count on a successful combination of the sneaky approach, the direct approach and his own momentary stupidity.

we staked his house out for a good 20 minutes first, fending off concerned neighbours and getting ourselves spotted by his housemate, dismissing numerous plans ranging from lying to barging in, before coming up with a fool-proof plan - i would climb over the fence into his back garden, be obvious, get caught and escorted from his house while dko sat outside waiting for the front door to open...

so, after much rethinking, persuading, weighing up the pro's and con's and potential for arrest, over the fence i went. i landed in a thistle plant. hearing dko run for all his worth to the front door i crept with a good degree of stealth towards the kitchen window.

i should point out that up till now we had only a good guess that our target was even in the house. we weren't certain. but being brave, unstoppable and perhaps kinda stupid with a deadline about 4 hours away, we had gone ahead with the plan. however, now that i was under the kitchen window i could hear a housemate distinctly say his name. bingo.

so on i crept to try and open the kitchen door into the house. it was
locked. and our target saw me. very clearly, very obviously. so far so planny. he cheerfully announced to his housemates "hey look at the guy in the garden with the watergun..." busted, i stood up and waved.

then, in an amazing display of suicidal confidence he walked boldly over to the open window to shut it. my only thought was 'screw the damn plan' and i equally boldly approached the open window and shot him through it until he stopped moving away...

VICTORY!! we had a nice chat and left him to his very amused housemates..

yours respectfully,

agent delazouche of team archangel

*********************************************************************

Arh.

Road was wet this morning, could not skate, spent all my money on silly things like blow and hookers, no taxi for me, had to walk to my office.

Sharkey got me 1.5 block away from my office... I could have ran, but I didn't. I could have walked the other side, I didn't. I could have......

Otherwise I hoped I have qualified to be part of your Supreme Bodyguards.....

Waiting for you to press the button.

Munkiboy.

*********************************************************************

Good afternoon.

This is Agent Scaramanga of the Men with the Golden Guns

Please accept my sincerest apologies for not sending through the story of the demise of Agent MK sooner.

Neither I nor my psychotic brother enjoy sitting in bins or hiding in bushes. Neither do we like wasting our energy on 1st-week targets or drawing attention to ourselves. Therefore we hatched a plan to coax our target out into the open and actually get him to meet us [REDACTED]. Like the finest assassinations throughout the ages our plan was cunning, devious, meticulously planned and intelligently simple (an as far as we could see we weren't breaking any rules...).

[REDACTED]

You'll see from the emails below that M became inextricably tangled in our web of deceit from the minute we hatched our plan. I was concerned that he'd have a whole day and a half to figure out the sting, but, lo and behold, our friend M was waiting patiently at the rendez-vous point, blissfully ignorant of the impending soaking.

My idiot brother was running late after a heavy night out (in retrospect who plans a kill early on a Sunday morning?) so I had to go in for the kill on my own. I spotted the target some 150yards away and [REDACTED] I calmly produced my trusty bringer of watery death and emptied the magazine into his bemused face.

Once our new friend M recovered from the shock of such a cunningly though-out hit we retired to the pub and had a few pints waiting for my retarded brother to turn up. He did, we had a few more drinks and then we retired to Clapham awaiting orders for our next target.

With the swagger in my step only a successful assassination brings I woke on Monday and started thinking about how our next target would meet his watery fate. However, my enthusiasm was cut short as the dizzy cows after us caught me off guard outside my flat. I was sure I'd soaked the 2 of them before they got near me but didn't have the energy to argue following our 1st kill celebrations the night before and reluctantly handed over my card.

Should you need our services over the coming weeks just let us know and we'll spring into action to serve our esteemed leaders. Otherwise we'll see you at the party...

Farewell and God's speed,

Agent Scaramanga

*********************************************************************

[END]

Comments (49)

Game Updates/Player Stories

Kogi Kaishakunin

August 8, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 2:59 AM

natsukusa ya
tsuwamono domo ga
yume no ato

Matsuo Basho

Summer grasses,
All that remains
Of soldiers’ dreams

As was CLEARLY stated when you first started the game, you *MUST* have a minimum of 2 kills to enter the third, and possibly final, week.

Well, at midnight tonight the second week of the tournament is complete and those of you that haven't done what you were supposed to do will be like *totally* pimp-slapped out of the game.

[some exceptions may be made...IF you actually put work into wetting your target...if you DO NOT get an email from me kicking you out of the tournament, consider yourself spared]

The ones that do get the email, you are poor excuses for assassins...seriously, it kinda makes me physically ill just thinking about you. I can feel the bile rise in the back of my throat with each letter I type writing about you and your non-exploits.

*spit*

Even that can't get the foul taste of your lack of skills out of my mouth...it's like a mixture of cheap booze and hooker-spit. Is it really so hard to find someone and wet them? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Entry into the world of professional assassins requires, at the minimmum, dedication, skill and a bit of luck...you must not have one of those things.

Go back to the comfort of your couch...find the nice impession of your ass and nestle in it once again, eat your Doritos and kick back and relax. Watch the action shows on TV and movies and rest easy knowing that if you were ever in that situation, you would fail, just as you did now.

Like your parents, I am disappointed in you.

Perhaps, next time you will be more agressive and dedicated.

Sigh.

Despite my repugnance at your lack of wetting, it pains me to see you go, as I would have liked all of you to have experienced the endgame...things are going to get more interesting frm here on in. Alas, it is not to be...this time...

To those of you that made it to the third week, I offer my heartfelt congratulations. No easy feat to last this long...many have fallen to the liquid justice doled out by their fellow competitors...and more will soon fall by the hand of my personal assassins.

...and so the end begins...

Kill stories follow.

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

*********************************************************************

Ah, the life of an assassin.

Best to kick it off with an early crisp start in the morning. A shag to shake off the wood, a stealth kill, then a quick swim in the pool. Then to the office with no one the wiser....

It was an early morning stalk and shoot. The house next door was under construction, and I had a good cover with people loitering around smoking cigarettes. JS went down like a man. A solid hand
shake, then off on his way.

Please send next target ASAP, as I would like to have time to set this one up before the weekend.

Agent Sharky

*********************************************************************

Commander,

It is with great pleasure to announce the departure of JD.

After attempting several unsuccessful tactics to lure her (which I will save for other targets), Julia was assassinated 12:30 on her front step.

The stake out was long and arduous in which I got soaked by rain, but at least I was somewhat comforted with a pack of beers I brought with me. I was just about to give up, so I walked out of the bushes I was hiding and started to walk home. At that same exact moment Julia was entering her front door. I got her in the back, and she ran inside screaming. So, to make sure I shot her again through the letter slot.

Unfortunately, she was not able to find her Id card, so this assassin
has no trophy to bask over.

Lesson learned, stop being a sissy and stick it out.

Agent Sharky

*********************************************************************

Commander,

I am so giddy with joy over this kill, I cannot control myself...

[REDACTED]

"we have a predicament don't we" I said.

It ended in quite an action packed segment. Fred phoned his mate in the car -"[REDACTED], he's getting his gun".
He was perched on one exit and I on the other, with the car pulling up close to the door. His friend was yelling GO, GO, GO NOW. He bolted, and managed to get in the car and drove off towards the tunneled exit. His 2nd friend was still in the pub and the passenger door was still open. The exit was under construction, and was too tight to drive straight through (you needed to inch it through, and wouldn't be able to fit with a door open). With the car stopped and no one able to shut the door. I wetted him in the back seat.

[REDACTED]

Agent sharky

*********************************************************************

Commander

The assassination of agent RB is complete.

He was finished whilst eating Spaghetti Bolognese and explaining all about StreetWars to a group of friends in his living room.

Guess he forgot to tell them about keeping your windows shut. The climb across 7 roofs to achieve this positioning was made even sweeter as this was the route he had used to flee from me the day before.

I must also take this opportunity to apologise to Agent RB for accidentally shooting his parrot whilst chasing him through his own house.

Next assignment please.

Fear Faktor Five

*********************************************************************

Esteemed Commander SILENCE here reporting the liquidation of the
aquatic avengers.

I took some time out of my busy training shedule to stalk and
decapitate the Aquatic Avengers. Credit where credit is due however
they proved cunning and highly skilled adversaries. They demonstrated
talents in discuise subterfuge and tactics. They evaded my attempts
for a full 72 hours. There only mistake was placing too little stock
in my skills. I overcame the security protecting their leader and
caught them as they arrived back after there own hunt. Even watching
them approach I was not 100% sure I had my marks their discuises were so convincing. Unfortunatly one of them I still can't tell which
bolted. Leaving her leader shit outta luck... a moment of hestitation
this was a respected adversary and a hot chick... then i shot her in
the chest... In the words of Tarintino "man'd have to be a mad dog ta
shoot a good looking girl like that in the head"

If you are looking for formidable agents with frightening network
skills, tenacity and most importantly style for future work these
three come highly recomended... to the aquatic avengers respect... but elctronic security, spie networks and guards can't stop the SILENCE.

Who would you have me Silence next Commander?

*********************************************************************

Supreme commander

Last night, about 9:00pm, Soaker Warriors attacked again. Skulking behind a courier insisting on a signature in person, when it was clear I wasn't falling for it they shot into the house right passed my position. Here Squirtalot went down, and then Panda Rescuer (or whatever his name is) from an upstairs window. This is the third time I've shot Squirtalot, and yet she keeps on coming, bless.
Just to let you know.

Methusalah

*********************************************************************

after three days of stake outs, late nights and erly morning, the lak
of sleep was takaing it's toll on mental disposition. being a grate
lover of sleep and allthings in bed, i was beggining to toy with the
idea of commiting assasin suwer side, which i would have kindly filmed and distubted. thankfully i have not yet been driven to foollow through with these thoughts and insted persivered. an erly start, tost with water cress and mutserrela cheese trying to keep helthy and fit. packed all my guns and left the house feeling safe. making a mistake in the metro saduku, i was feeling disgruntled, perhas this was a bad omen. staking out the hosue was good i had a fravour spot and was confident that they would not see me. i waited. unexspectadly, and girl with blond heir left the house. haveing whatched the working of the house for a few days, and knowing my target had black hair this suprise was a deadly give away. recouling behind a wall i sellected my wepon, half an hour early i would have used a small hand gun, to cold for the big fellas, but having wait for 45 min and making a mistake with the saduku i was angry, the target took longer than the 14 seconds that i had time from door to me. which only gave me time to compose my self and conferm thier identity. a few quic steps, poissed to take the shot, my target with cat like reflexis bradisged her wepon, but it was to late i had already unleashed the pressure built in the chamber and a volly of water slapt them across the face. the deed was dun, call off the hounds, please, and could i have a new target.

i killed ih

thank jg

*********************************************************************

[END]

Comments (33)

Game Updates/Player Stories

Wanted: Team KT one down and one to go

August 7, 2006 - Posted by Mustache Commander at 7:52 PM

It is with great pride that I announce the success of one Rogue Agent BillyS, who was able to provide Agent T-Bone of Team KT (of the Wanted: Wet or Alive poster) a refreshing reprive from the heat wave, via the cool watery stream of his water pistol.

Only the lovely Agent Persian Princess is still left suffering from the summer heat. Will someone kindly send some watery relief her way?

From: BillyS
To: Mustache Commander
Date: Aug 7, 2006 10:16 AM
Subject: Re: Insulting Heathens

Comments (34)

Game Updates/Player Stories

Silent Master

August 4, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 8:11 PM

Even shining stars fall...

This is a series of stories and coincidences that tie together three assassins...Stories from all players involved follow...

Enjoy.

Next blog posting I will let you know the remaining player count.

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

Snake Eyes killed the Bear
and
Killer2 kills Snake Eyes

*********************************************************************

i am writing this to inform you of my wetness!

i have been taken out after a moment of weakness as i
boarded the bus to work. i had let my guard slip.
after sleeping in my surveillance vehicle for the last
6 nights out side my targets house(and not seeing her
once!! i doubt she exists!) i was wary and looking for
love and sympathy i spent the night in my own bed in
the arms of my loved one. after waking late due to the
evening activities, that ran late in to the night, i
decided not to travel to work via my trusted
surveillance vehicle as we needed a day apart and a
little alone time. i checked upon coming out of the
house and found the street to be clear i then
proceeded to the bus stop round the corner and waited
for my bus. as the bus pulled up and i was about to
board out of the corner of my eye i spotted someone
running for the bus and dismissed it as just someone
running for a bus. how wrong i was with one foot about
to hit the safety of the public transport system i
felt the cold wet feeling that i has hoped to avoid
for at least another week. i could not believe it!! my
number was up!! i felt like my world was crashing down
on me as the wet ness sunk in and as the smile on my
assassin grew bigger. but my disappointment was to
turn to glee in a very short space of time.
after talking on the side of the road for a while
about the game and lengths we had been to get our
targets and after showing him round my stakeout
vehicle he offered me ride to work as i was now
running late and needed to open my store. on the ride
down we discussed taking a photo of the kill and had a
few ideas to to a make it look good as this was my
assassins 2nd kill. we decided on a chalk out like in
the street as i had white tape at my work. after a
hasty opening of my business and sorting out tape we
stood on the corner putting down a chalk out line. i
left them for just a minute as i went in to get the
work phone and upon my return i found the number of
people had doubled as i got closer the smile on my
assassins face had turned into a look that i knew so
well, he to was wet! his assassins had been following
him all morning up untill the time he had got me and
buy chance his assassins had spotted him on out side
my work. so the chalk out line that was was once a joy
for assassin was now to a place for in which he was to
Lay. justice had been done!
after many photos and hands shakes and stories of
stakeouts the second assassins left to send reports of
the kill and receive new targets. then my now dead
assassin and i parted ways with a shake of hands both
feeling gutted that we would not live to wet another
day. but as i turned a slight smile came over my face
knowing that today Kama smiled on me. even though im
out i feel justice has been done!

this is the bear, signing out

*********************************************************************

Snake eyes aka Dusty Bottoms aka Ben martinez scored another hit today killing Bear Martin but was then taken down in a disgracefully un artful way buy team 2 or unit 2 or something!!!!! Should u ever wish to reincarnate me for any reason i would be your willing servant also and would love any pay back opportunity, I have an incredilby flexible schedule at the moment so could be ready for action almost instantly at anytime, though i am greatly shamed!! Also new contact number should you need it as phone at the bottom of the canal after the friday night oops. 07813306115. bear Martin is dead the story below tells it all !!! feel free to print it if u see fit and use any pics u like though may i ask that i retain the honor of having the snakes head even in death perhaps. his name was Ben Martinez.... His name was Ben martinez ..... his name was Robert Paulson oops i mean....HIS NAME WAS BEN MARTINEZ. It has been an honor. Please print from below.

There are various levels of assassin. Some are good some are very good and some are so awesome that they get to be revered by all in the company of shadow warriors and sit closest to the greatest squirters of us all, the mustache and supreme commanders!!! But most aren't!!

I had always known that i was destined to be an assassin for our great leaders. Since i was a young boy i had always been fascinated by the beauty of the water pistol, the often neon luminescence of them, the texture of the pistol grip, the gorgeous bubbling noise of air squeezing out of the tank as its filled, as if to avoid the same watery death as the prey that will soon be victim of a severe dousing. But of course the air returns as the water is expelled until once more the gun is re-filled for action. Here we see that the great circle of life and death is just as present within the pistol as without!! You see there is a whole philosophy to the true art of the water gun just as in any true martial art, and just as the naturalness with which i find the gun resting in my palm is a testament to my natural ability; the naturalness with which i find the gun resting in my mind is testament to the hours of meditation and work put in to its mastering.

It is on this note that I will tell you of the events of this morning or should i spell it mourning! At the early hour of 6am my alarm went of in snake HQ. This morning would be the morning my next targets dispatch. As such my driver had been called the night before and had been given sanctuary for the night in my compound for the early start. Any great assassin is in actual fact an artist and as such i had many options for different covers for that day. Should i be the friendly jogger, the hardworking postman, or maybe the red tops choice... the fake shake. I pondered but decided that despite this foes mighty strength, my superior wit and trade craft would be enough, so jeans and T-shirt it was.

Private Lee random went to fetch the car and was instructed to mount some counter surveillance. Within minutes he was outside my door with the snake mobile and we set off, him driving in his characteristic evasive style to shake of any wannabe assassins. We hit Acton with lightening speed made a few evasive maneuvers as standard and got into our position to stake out the house. Stake outs where now second nature to us, we had it down to a fine art and had proven that if our target was there he was as good as wet. I left the snake mobile to position myself innocently round the corner and was in radio contact with the car. I stood around that shadowy corner for at least 20 mins before i got the call that our target was sighted. We had been slightly worried as he was clearly late for work and had considered calling in for him, after all a watery killer is not necessarily a bad person. But as he immerged from his street i walked innocently along the street in the same direction. He clearly was no idiot as he had changed his appearance from the shabby hobo look in his photo to that of a trim man bout town, but he had let the early hours of the morning get the better of him as he failed to even check his six as he turned out of his road. I crossed to run parallel with him, just to be extra sure, and also to laugh at the ease with which i could move around him. he stopped at the bus stop i crossed at the crossing went into a shop and changed tops and waited for his bus to come along. As soon as it did i ran out chasing the bus looking over my shoulder, fakely worried that it might beat me to the stop!! legs pounding like jack hammers, chest thrusting back and forth like the tides of the great oceans. A slight look of panic that work might tell me off for being late. Ladies and gentlemen the oscar was mine. He reached into his pocket for change as he stepped forward out of the shelter!.................. By the time he noticed my gun it was 2 inches from his wet stomach!!!!

That is art ladies and gentlemen!! Perfectly.. planned.. precision killing! FACT !! with the exception of our esteemed leaders there are only three men in the world capable of kills of such beauty and precision, and I'm one of them, and will probably kill the other two sooner or later anyway! But the Bear is a good man and generous in defeat. He showed us his super cool camper he had been living in until last night! the fool. I too was generous in victory and offered him a lift up the Uxbridge road to work where we then took the trophy photo for all you fellow assassins to see!
It was whilst preparing for the photo shoot as i knelt down to map out our victims body on the ground, i heard a desperate thumping of feet behind me! normally i would have reacted instantly but so far from home, so much driving!, so much time on the street already!. Then i heard the swishing noise. a jet of water soared passed my right side hitting the wall then tracking via my drivers shoulder to my back. Surely this was a joke!! Then in a nervous shaking voice the words "Got you" giggled out of my foes mouth. At which point his two less flighty teammates showed at his sides. The foul stench of smugness filled the air, if it had been a drinking game they would have paid heavy reparations for it. I slowly stood to face them and as they gazed at their mighty foe their awe was clear. What stood before them was a perfectly crafted squirting machine, the only one to have been granted a new name by the Mustache Commander himself! Snake eyes!!!!! They had been chasing me for over a week, squirted my flatmate's, been scared off by old men, watched me stare them in the face before driving away on many occasions laughing at their tactics, had completely missed by back entrance and use of bike, and been unable to beat my unusually high standard of counter surveillance. That very day due to my drivers human error they had escaped his notice outside my house, but as they followed us in their suburban family car they had been lost like farts in the wind by his high standard of evasive driving, and I imagine got lost again trying to get back to mine as in the time the took to get back up the road we had managed to kill, make friends, drive and create art. As they finally found their way down exactly the same road the had driven up in the first place (in an extreme state of demoralization) they happened upon us in the throws of trying to give a little something back to the avid readers of the site. Indeed they themselves had been big fans of my work. And so they took the opportunity of the one shot in over a week. But one shot no matter how poorly aimed, how badly executed, how artless is all you need.

Does this make them better assassins then me?!?! Snake Eyes?!!! No every Dog has its day.
Does this make them good Assassins, Artists, Or in any way note worthy?!! No if they put feathers up their asses they wouldn't be chickens, and neither are they true assassins just because they hold water guns! They are lucky, and hopefully have learned form their experience of chasing someone who actually was where he should be but just too good for them, a team of them, for over a week. But i am still dead and arrogance should never have gotten the better of me for there are people as willing detroy great art at any cost as them in order to make a name for themself. And so i say to u all remember the words of our great Leaders

"You are an Assassin, do your job with a bit of class and style"

For if you are a great artist, whether you live or not you will be remembered, our leaders are always watching and know a class act when they see it!

Snake Eyes signing off beeeeeepppppppppppppppppppppp.......................................................

*********************************************************************

Kill Story
A RISING STAR THAT BURNED TOO BRIGHT

5:03am – Somewhere, in a respectable, middle class part of town a cell phone rings silently. Miniature LEDs phase into action. A pulse of electricity. On the cell's display a name appears: "Big M".

5:33am – A silver car cruises to a stop at the end of a blind alley. The driver is a terrifying caricature of a man, his hulking form barely squeezing into the seat. Thick index finger tapping at the dashboard, the driver gazes out through the tinted windows, surveys the streets. "I wouldn't want to live in this shithole" he thinks.

Outside, a pair of crackheads shamble past. Hungry for a fix and bleary eyed, they don't see the haven of bourgeois cars parked in a private mews. Hearts beating to a different drum, incapable of thought, craving, they hear only a chemical buzz.

5:45am – In the reeking storm drain below the street gutter a feral rodent pricks up its ears. About one metre directly above its grime encrusted fur it hears the footsteps of a ghost. Unable to even hiss with fright, it dives into the open end of an overflow pipe and hides.

A silver car door opens quietly. The car sinks a little lower on its wheels as someone sits down and without any apparent motivation the rear door clicks shut behind the mysterious passenger.

"I wish you wouldn't fucking do that to me!" blurts out the street-punk in the passenger seat "I nearly blew you away."
"Please," whispers the Ghost, as he eyes the high-calibre pistol in the scrawny teenager's hand, "don't make me laugh!"
"Oh," says the behemoth in the driver's seat, "you're here – I uhh.. got you a coffee, but I wasn't sure how you take it." He reaches round, a styrofoam cup like a thimble in his hand.
"I don't," replies the newcomer "drugs… are for the weak of mind."
The punk-kid rolls his eyes. "Whatever man. What ever."

5:59am – A few minutes pass in total silence. The sun, rising, pushes its way through the smog. The assassins watch. Inside the car the atmosphere of fragile truce is finally broken by a question:

"So, the target then. Who is it this time?" asks the Ghost.
"Number twenty four," snaps the renegade as he lowers his eyes from the telescopic sight securely cable tied to the headrest, "…down the mews. He's pulled a few tricks, made a bit of a ruckus. Thinks he owns the street. They want him removed."

"They…?"

"Shadow Government. Nobody really knows who they are. The only guarantees are that they pay handsomely and their cheques never bounce," replies the surprisingly articulate driver, eyes gleaming from behind incongruously small wire rimmed spectacles.

6:28am – A cyclist, a fitness obsessive unaware of the crosshairs aligned with her cranium, rides off on her morning route to the office. She takes a peek into the silver minicab as she passes. Inside she glimpses only the driver asleep, head against the window, and thinks nothing of it.

Big M, as he is known, half opens an eye, watching the white lycra clad arse of the cyclist bob up and down as she disappears down the quiet road. It's been more than a few years since he was last in this line of work and he wonders to himself how he's managed to get involved again, after all it's not as if he's actually in 'the game'. "Coast clear" he mutters.

The ghost sits up, "what did the recce suggest?" He queries, examining a surveillance photo taken during the previous week.
"Not much," comes the street-punk's answer, "He thinks he's the best thing since arcades. Thinks he's better than us, better than the fucking Shadow Government. And calling him a slippery fuck's the understatement of the year."
"Please," murmurs the first assassin, "we'll teach him a lesson. Don't you worry, we'll show him his place in the world."

7:57am – At 12x magnification, through the tinted rear window the assassins first catch sight of their target. Half obscured by an over-nourished potted plant, the dark haired man emerges. He quickly checks the mews for any suspicious characters. Finding nothing out of the ordinary he throws himself into a black car parked outside number 26. The driver's already inside.

"Shit! He's not taking his own car" exclaims the punk-kid "it's a black golf license number… uhh"
"Fuck the license! 'Big M' start your engine. We're on the move!" orders Ghost.

"It'll be too obvious if I start it now, I'll start it after he's left." insists the huge man.

Their target's car speeds past them. Two massive fingers twist the key in the ignition. A spark. A rumble and then… the engine stalls.

"Fuck!" screams the street-punk. Seconds drag like hours. The key is turned again. The car starts. The big man manoeuvres the wheel like a toy in a toddler's hands and the saloon flies round a corner.

"There he is, Go, go, go," hisses Ghost coolly, "he must've spotted us."

Up ahead, the lights change and the black car races off, aggressively cutting through traffic and giving way to no one.

And thus an intense and high speed car-chase begins across the streets of the city. A car chase that would eventually spell the demise of Agent Dusty Bottoms.

9:00am - One whole hour later, the chase has reached the sticks, the very edge of the city. Sumplands. The kind of place where gangs of knife wielding schoolkids terrorise whole neighbourhoods and off-licenses pass you the liquor from within secure steel cages. The target and his driver, mostly through luck and an unfortunate incident with a refuse truck are no where to be found. Despondent the three assassins turn back and start to head for home.

But then a stroke of fortune. Pure luck, and a good bit of observation.

"Who the fuck's that?" the punk-kid shouts, "There look, a black Golf, two guys outside"
"Is that them? What's the license pl…" The driver starts to say, but before he can finish his sentence the renegade is already sprinting halfway down the road.

Sapphire-coloured pistol in hand. Rapid. He closes to point blank range. Fires.
Seconds later the Ghost confirms the kill. The target, eliminated, slumps against the wall in a pool of liquid. The gun in his hand, not a sign of self defence, but a planted token of respect for the passing of a worthy adversary.

There will be no news paper headlines for this murder. And no official enquiry will ever be launched. The Killer2 strike again.
Others who walk in the shadows would be wise to learn from the rising star that burned too bright.

Your Humble servant,
A. Blue
Killer2

Comments (42)

Game Updates/Player Stories

Moon Face Carving

August 2, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 7:34 PM

I was just about to carve my face into the moon with a laser and then I realized that I hadn't updated the blog - I actually care about you guys this much - and I decided to do the moon carving some other time so I could hit you guys off with a lil update and some stories.

Aren't I freakin' sweet?

By now, those of your that are left are probably feeling mentally exhausted, you're dropping your guard now and then...growing confident in certain areas, probably beginning to fall into a pattern on your way to and from work...

How do I know this?

I too was once an apprentice assassin...I went through the same training as you did. Granted, I did a much better job of it...but still...I was once where you are. My advice - keep sharp, never let your guard down...the second you think you are safe is the second you're gonna get taken out. The field is dwindling daily...

Now I get to try to talk that scientist dude that was gonna hook me up with that totally sweet moon portrait to start the project over again...all thanks to you...sigh...I hope yer happy.

Ah, yes...there's a few of them player stories too...enjoy.

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

RB killed MF (battersea dogs)
RG killed NL
SM killed KB
Methusalah killed PM, Ginja Ninja
ME Killed jC
Munkiboy killed JW
Etanissassa-x killed JM

The details of the below assassination will be given their own blog entry they rock so hard. If I were to put them with other stories, the awesomeness might break your computers.

*********************************************************************

You may have heard we made our 2nd kill last night. We already have our new target. Just wanted to inform you that last nights kill was possibly one of the best things I have ever done – it is up there with white water rafting down the Nile and Skiing down a mountain after only 3 hours, total, of experience. So you don’t feel let down I thought I would inform you that we will be filing our kill report later this afternoon. It will take a while to compile the facts, especially on this hangover.

*********************************************************************

Reporting my second kill and the story behind it all....

Agent JW was gunned down at 12:45 01/08/06 by Munkiboy.

28th July - After getting my new target the night before, I decided to scout his flat for a while, the little while turned 6 hours. I got pissed off, shot some water into his flat through the mailbox, and we exchanged fire at the door. No one got hurt, he didn’t see me. Mission over.

29th July - Morning, got out at 6:30, had to go to the depot to pick up my new weapon. Went to work and then straight down to my target's flat, which is situated in a ex-council estate, and it is at the end of the hall way, with only one way out. Even then I thought it was too risky to hide outside his flat, so I followed some junkies’ footpath and sat on the stairs in the building adjacent to my target's. There were two views available on each floor, one would give me from his door to the stairs, and the other would be
from the stairs (1) to the ground floor. There is a second stairs (Lets call it Stairs 2) but you would need to walk pass #1 first. So I gambled that he is inside and picked the first view with the vision of his flat door narrowed through the fence on the first floor. I hope I would have enough time to catch him before he wheel off on the bike. I had my hacky sack with me so I was inventing tricks as I wait, smiling to everyone walked by. A man in his 30s was doing up a flat on the second floor. After the fifth time he walked passed, the urge to claim that ex-girlfriend doesn’t live at the flat my eyes were fixed on had me. We had a good talk and he invited me in to the
flat. Bingo.

I had the best view for my target floor, now with the benefit of a stool. Turned out we had a few things in common and he was as eager for me to shoot my target as my newly arrived Super Soaker (XP310). The moment came when my target scout around the floor with one hand on his bike, trying to compute every dark shadow in sight.

I picked up my big gun and rushed downstairs, ran into the car park and was spotted right away by my target. No joy. The carpenter confirmed that my target has retreated into his flat.

6 hours wasted.

I got home 45 mins later, called my target and gave him the permission to leave. Which I found out today that he didn’t take it. So he was in the flat for both Friday and Saturday nights.... Thanks to me.

30th July - Woke up slightly late at 11am with a text from my new assassin, I AM ON THE INDEPENDENT ON SUNDAY! Oh what joy!!! But knowing my target would do worse had me in a relax state, as relax as I can be, I was waving my supersoaker at every corner on my way to Tesco. Jeers and laughter were dished out but I could care less. I picked up the paper and some materials to increase my fire power.

Got to my new found friend in the other block, I borrowed his tools and glue for the Super Soaker modification ceremony. While keeping my eyes on the movement of target's floor, I was fitting balloons into my guns so it will become a CPS. (Google it if you don’t know what it is) Nothing happened until 4pm when my target came out and had a quick peep. Too quick for me to make a move, beside my gun wasn’t ready...

Came 8pm I had to meet my friend who is leaving to India, and I might never see her again, I think she is slightly more attractive than the piss rotten hall way. So I went.

31st July - After flashing the newspaper at the office to show them I am not a psycho. I marched on to my target's flat once again. Arrived at 8:45, found his Moroccan neighbor, who lives at the end of my target's hallway, was locked out of her flat for more than 4 hours, having said to me that 'You freaked me out', I spent the time to teach her how to kill with water pistols. She told me that my target had a scout around the floor on at around 7pm. So I assumed he was inside....

My first move was to get close to the flat and see if there was any activity going on. I saw no bike through the key hole, and immediately I knew this was the night for the kill. My target is out hunting!!! Dodgy Moroccan!!! I spent 1 further hour sitting against his door, with my weapon squarely pointing at the door, listening to some vocal hardcore, which got pretty dull after 5 minutes.

As I was wearing running shorts and t-shirt for maximum movement, I was getting pretty cold in the breezy night... I then found a spot between stair 1 and 2 and decided to stay there until 1am. Meanwhile two Portuguese girls (Aged 17 and 19) came out and enquire about my guns. Not very often does this happen, so I once again used this opportunity to tell tales of my last hit. They in exchange showed me their pictures at a celebrity’s party from few weeks back. I must say at their age, they have every right to wear what they were wearing. I tried very hard to fix my eyes to level theirs, after many fail attempts I decided to focus on my kill again. But the chat with
two ladies was maintained, I assure the 17 years old that sometime being in the 20s is like watching a car crash in slow motion... Don't know how much she got from that.

Anyway come 12:30 and everyone is getting a bit tired, and I said I would return the day after.... But then my target was wheeling his bike to stairs 2. Now I have befriended with his neighbors’, and I can now have free access to their flat! Genius!!! So I don’t have to explain to you how I got him drenched in the neck from behind. He passed the card to me like a real man, having just got his second kill few hours before....

We share some banters and beers.... I showed him my gun and he showed me his.... It was all good and well.... I had no fear as I come home as my new charged up gun can shoot further than I can spit, it’s a progress.

Munkiboy.

*********************************************************************

Supreme Commander,

After evading two assassination attempts last week, the second by taking out the assassin with an overhead water bomb ambush I have spent the weekend staking out my target – Christabel. I was demoralized by no sightings all weekend so positioned myself at a safe distance from her home address from 6am this morning. It proved difficult to remain inconspicuous on the leafy suburb in South London but I remained patient and sure enough at 7.51am target emerged from house.

*********************************************************************

Shadow Government Report

Agent Reefer Madness, a.k.a; Rxxx Bxxxx

Xx0 Kxxxxlxxx Rxxx

Kills: One

31st July 2006

Report So Far…

Monday 24th

I returned from work and took a look at my target’s (MF) home address. (Unarmed). Found the tower block and found two entries and exits, both of which I could cover. The door was on an intercom system. I left to plot my assassination. I checked the internet and found my target on a friends reunited site, turns out she may be Swedish.

Tuesday 25th

Due to unforeseen circumstances I had to spend most of the time in bars and restaurants and lo and behold I met the Pink Fluffy Kittens on Crack, both tooled up as I was. I received an amusing text from my assassin.

Wednesday 26th

I have taken to wearing hats and glasses at differing times of my day; I have altered my routes to work making lengthy extensions when hunting.

I finished work early and headed out to the targets work address. The Barbican is a maze of walk ways with parts open to the public. I scoped out the area and tried to ascertain where the offices were located. These found I looked for entries and exits and possible places for me to hide. I watched for some time the bike lockups; I had to move to avoid the gaze of the security guards. I moved on to a bus stop and began my vigil.

I decided to ask at one of the desks for my target to see if she was still in the building, as it was now after 5 pm. She was, the reception desk clerk wanted to know who I was so I made an untimely exit. I spotted the clerk and a blonde haired women staring out of the door roughly towards my location at the bus stop I could not positively identify the target.

I waited a further 50 minutes and the target never emerged, assumed I was busted I left for the evening some time after six pm. Returned home sent some texts to give her the Fear.

Thursday 27th

This morning I awoke with purpose in my step. I was up by 6.30 am and at my targets home address before 7am. I hunkered down with both exits in site. Just before 9am I breached the entrances via the ‘Traders’ button. I got outside the targets front door. There was a metal grate and then a foot and half space to the door, possibly I could reach the letter box and squirt thru the door? To my left was the bathroom window, the light on and a shower going, could it be my target? My heart races with the possibility. I check my surroundings and decide to leave and wait for her outside, there shall be no escape.

At 9.50 I retried the trader’s button, the time slot had passed and I had to leave to go to work.

That afternoon I left work and headed to my targets work address armed with ‘wanted posters’. They showed a picture of my target and offered rewards if they contacted ‘Wing Commander Ralph Smithers-Jones’. Most amusing I assure you. I plastered seven around the public walk ways and near the bike lockup and her main entrance and exit. Colleagues took an interest so I left to sit out from a distance. I saw a possible so I made myself ready, and strolled past her checking out her face. I was in two minds but decided, no. I sent my target a text saying ‘Let’s see how loyal your co-workers are… see you soon’.

I made my way over to the Security Guard, (to lie or not, mmm) I told him what I was up to and what I was about. I found out that this is her main entrance and exit, but there are many others. She also rides a bike. I show him a picture, to which he says that she has already left not 5 mins. ago. I realise my mistake and begin running up the street after my assumed target. She has just turned a corner, I withdraw my weapon and run the last few metres and call her name. She does not respond, I repeat, nothing. She turns around a little startled. I explained myself.

Soon find out that they know of her, but are in another department, they offer to coax her outside for me tomorrow. They also inform me of a private boat party down on a boat on the Thames, perfect. I get there extension numbers and arrange to call the following day.

I felt it was a good days hunting so left to rest my weary bones.

Friday 28th

I have not been sleeping well, no doubt with the stress and paranoia. Still not having seen my assassin is also not helping. He/she/they are either very good or very lazy?!

I got a voice mail call from an unknown at the offices of my target informing me she would be at a bar in Old Street, not wanting to miss the opportunity I finished work early.

I stacked out the empty bar for nearly two hours, no show, I called thru to her office twice and was told she was out and was not expected back. I felt a ruse so left for her offices. I got into the front office and got a guard to call up to her desk. He spoke with her and told her a friend was waiting downstairs, I made my excuses and waited outside away from her door. She was not foolish enough to come out but at least I found out it was a ruse, the jokers… Alls fair though. I tried to call thru to my contacts extensions but after chatting earlier on they no longer responded.

I felt annoyed about being conned but I couldn’t miss the possible opportunity of a hit. I left for home to plot my boat assassination. I had ringed thru earlier to HMS President posing as an employee, those suckers fell for it. Nibbles and drinks on board for a possible few hundred guests. Starts at 7pm till 2 am, casual wear, I’ll be there.

I gave myself plenty of time and got there a little after six-thirty for the party. I came with supplies, alcoholic drinks, a sandwich, a book and some smokes. I set up position across from the boat by a bus stop and had good views of people making there way onboard. I waited it out. I had a few maybes but couldn’t give a positive identification. I gave the boat a walk by and got some ominous looks from some of the revellers on the gang plank, mmm do they know my face, surely not?! I could see the deck and party goers, Barbican party goers drinking and eating I studied closely as many faces as possible. No target, perhaps inside perhaps she has not arrived? I continue to wait… It is after 9 now and I begin to feel drained again… I don’t think I got it.

It comes slightly darker so I move closer for a better look. Still nothing, I loose my cool and go for the boat, ignoring the possibility it may be a safe zone. I try to bluff the BIGGEST Eastern European (assumed Polish) man I have ever seen, he seems like he may go for it, but some other snifferling excuse for a ‘*u^_’ asks stupid questions and pours scorn on my arguments. I back track and try to look at the name list but there is no name list for me to see. The snifferling arse annoys me, I demand his name and he cowers for some reason. I retreat knowing the only way thru there will end in a trip to the hospital or a swim in the Thames…

Saturday 29th

Today was an uneventful; I have still not seen my assassin hide nor hair and private engagements caused me to loose track of time and end up in an alcoholic, plus, + mess… Good party though!

Sunday 30th

Today I felt would be the day, I was feeling drained both physically and mentally but the party may have cleared my head, I commiserated the Pink Fluffy Kittens on Crack. I got up and left around one and scoped out my targets apartment, I was considering climbing her balcony but was unsure if I would survive the fall? I took up my position with both exits in site.

I decided to check out the park that was close by because on a sunny day like this I wouldn’t want to be stuck inside. I saw some that fitted my description but cleared them with a ride-by. I returned to my position and noticed that some washing was hanging out on the balcony. I waited on; I saw a possible, she was checking me out, looking back. I rode around the block and came towards her face on but alas it wasn’t her. (Or so I thought)

I carried on waiting for some time. The washing had been removed?! I left my post for a breather and returned later on. All looked the same. I moved my position but was beginning to get noticed by some youths who seemed to have possible recognized me from before, have I over exposed my self? I moved on and did a few circuits of the block before admitting defeat some time after seven. I had only done some 4-5 hours today of waiting plus riding around the park and circuits of the blocks.

So I am left with the last day to make a physical attempt, but not actually knowing if I have actually seen her yet? I have also one more day to evade my assassin, but I am unimpressed with his/her/their efforts.

So what happens next, tomorrow I will go out to her flat and wait her out and try to take her in the early hours of the evening when she returns home? Will be looking out for a dog walker.

Monday 31st July

I resumed my daily work schedule. I was in work by 8.30. Still no sight of my assassin may be they have been terminated. I finished work near to four and headed home. After a quick bite I went off to her home address.

I stacked it out for a short while before attempting entry. I waited for someone to let me in and fully blagged it upstairs! I got to her door again but this time the metal gate was open?? I hunkered down by the door and quietly lifted the flap; it was covered, so I peered thru the key hole. I knocked but there was no movement. I retreated when someone came up the stairs behind me.

I waited it out on the stairwell before going to a balcony and hiding behind a misted glass door. I had my phone in my hand and my back to the door when I saw her door opening… My heart races with the possibility, blonde hair it must be her, I whip round and open the door, and……… WHAM……. I got her, she gave defence but was aiming the wrong way, guess I was too quick?? Ha-ha lol

We chatted, me rather excitedly. She had spotted me so many times it was a joke… I apologised for the Poster incident (possible not the best idea). I did ride past her on Sunday; my only defence was that she had had a haircut. Conclusion is that I definitely need new GLASSES!!!

I request a new Assignment asap.

Long reign the Shadow Government

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Commander

My second victim proved far more worthy a target and did the game justice. His travel routes were random as hell and his insistence at staying at his girl friends house was frustrating…all though it made the kill even sweeter.

Yesterday I managed to gain access to his flats and I was certain I’d nailed him. I lined up a shot whilst he was busy washing up and blasted him on the back of the neck. As he turned around smiling I realised that his flat mate had a similar physical build and hair colour. I returned back to my bunker, tail between my legs.

Earlier I spoke to our moles in my targets office and confirmed he was in the building. Loyalty is such a cheap commodity nowadays. At first I placed myself slightly down the road outside a pub and sipped a cool beer whilst contemplating my next move. Eventually it dawned on me that I had to really get close to this cat in order to do the business. I moved nearer to the main entrance of his building and made sure that every time anyone left I’d be talking loudly into my mobile about media related issues to blend into his world.

As I laid eyes on him for the first time in 4 days he did exactly what I’d hoped and looked straight past me as I made up some bullshit about “delivering significant brand values”. I let him walk off but he was checking his rear often and before I knew it he was 30 meters away. I let him walk down the road and then sprinted around the block hoping he would continue southwards. I peeped my head round a corner and saw him approaching me on Oxford street. As always it was pretty damm busy and the look in his eyes as I stepped out of the crowds was utter confusion.

Another head shot, no aqua wastage.

Next target please. I’m hungry now.

Fear Factor Five

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Hello Commander

After a little under a week in the game I am no more.

I thought I was going to tear this game up.
My natural observational skills would surely see my progress through these lesser mortals.

I even boasted to my girlfriend about how I felt I should hang around
outside my flat for a while to give my would-be assassins a bit of a chance.

Sadly I had the same laidback attitude to my target. Thinking I could just turn up at his workplace and somehow coax him outside with my wit and cunning.

Now, after being expertly staked out by two professional assassins I am out.

I can open my door without fear and walk down the street without being suspicious of every passer-by.
But my life is emptier. The adrenaline as gone. Please tell me as soon as your next game is planned.

This time I will take no prisoners.

Moblood
--

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it is with a heavy heart i have to report that this evening my assasin shot me at last. after a week of me seeing him more than him seeing me (he cycled right past me yesterday - i was cleverly disgused in a baseball cap) he caught up with me at my front door as i left the flat. i did my very best to injure him first, but he was faster and his gun more powerful. i wish him very happy hunting in the coming weeks. he deserve it for sheer dedication alone.

while i'm dissapointed i didn't get my target i think it's fair to say that i scared and confused the hell out of him. the poor man did not look healthy the last time i saw him. i never knew waiting could be so much fun!

i will eagerly await the shadow government's return to these shores.

good luck to all remaining assassins.

over and out.

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Target: KB
Status: Assasinated
Time of Kill : 20:10
Bizarre phone number on card to prove death!?!: xxx-xxx-xxxx

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Methusalah strikes again. This time killing PM aka Ginja Ninja

Time 10.15pm

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Dear Commander,

To make life as simple as possible, Arrangement was made, and the assasin made the kill.

Tho I was a little easy on him.. I advised the gentleman 2 Locations I would be in, and it would be for 2 hours. He managed to get me after a fatal mistake on my part..

It was an arcade, I played a game, the latest Time Crisis style game.. and my skill attracted a crowd, the crowd attracting my assasin, and it was a fair kill once my game was over.

This makes my status mildly wet.. Pistol to the temple.

Unfortunatly my assasin also fell victim to his assassin later that night, but I'll let you be enlightened by his self.

I look forward to drinking some Jack with you, and regalling the good times.

Agent Myles
AKA CB
Shadow Goverment Corpse

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Commander. second target compleeted. full report will folow tommorrow.
fucking cunted from the steak out -hey, what you going to do while
sitting around for hrs on end. please send new target....
sharky

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Now my plan was to perform a ‘cycle by’, exactly the same as a drive by but on a bicycle. On first sighting the target quickly moved towards a vehicle and opened the door. This was a major setback as I was hoping she took public transport to work where it would be easy pickings to take her out as she walked to the nearest bus stop. Nevertheless, she surprised me and went back into her house. Realising my opportunity I got on my bicycle and drew my weapon. As I began riding up the road she emerged again and quickly crossed to her car. I sped up and opened fire but she spotted me and shut here door to safety just before I could get the angle to make the kill.

As I steadied myself from falling off the bike I told her she was lucky this time. The response was merely a wry grin.

Despite being bitterly disappointed for not finishing the target especially after the early stake out I now know what car she drives and what time she leaves for work.

Next move… parking lot at target’s office. I feel my first kill is imminent and my next communication will detail the hit.

*********************************************************************

Supreme Commander,

I'll keep this short and sweet because I wouldn't want you to have to get that hooker off your face for too long:

Agent LW is sadly no longer with us. He will be fondly remembered as a nemesis who gave it his all right up to the end. And he was a helluva a nice guy to boot, but I can't really admit that, being the cold, calculating widow-maker of a man that I am.

After a meticulously planned (yet still somehow colossally blundered) attempt to liquidate my target on Friday night, I finally got my assasin's ass in gear and shot him in the heart in a classic drive-by scenario last night (Monday) at 21:38hrs GMT. It was a clean shot and he went down without a fight. If it's any consolation to his family, he would have felt nothing...apart from maybe a bit wet.


However, on the down-side, MY assassin has made absolutely no attempt to get me whatsoever, so I haven't as such been living in fear - more living in contempt for their lack of determination and ability. The only reason I know there actually IS someone out to "get" me was the text message I got last night at 22:32hrs GMT telling me to "watch my back". Good advice - I'd never have thought of that. What I'd like to know is if she (I presume it's a she with a name like "Flower of Life") is still in the game or if she has been disqualified for not making any attempts on me.

Finally - who's next? My trigger finger's getting real itchy.

Agent DL, signing off.

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END

Comments (52)

Game Updates/Player Stories

Call the Coroner

August 2, 2006 - Posted by Supreme Commander at 3:38 AM

There's gonna be a lot of slow singin' and flower bringin'...

The first week is done and almost 1/3 of the competitors have been eliminated. We're right on track...

I wonder if London will be the first city to avoid having to go into sudden death...

I would also like to express my sadness at the passing of one of my favorite competitors, Snake Eyes...he did not have many kills, but the kills he got were done with style and grace worthy of a seasoned assassin. I think we'll be seeing Snake Eyes again...kinda like the Matrix, some agents, when put down, arise from the ashes significantly more powerful. A few already know this. So will the rest of you...albeit perhaps not in the way you expected.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I will be posting multiple times today as there is much to relate...things have happened that may very well change the face of this tournament...

Now, I guess I'll drop the kills of the day on you and then begin the day with a nice soak in my heated pool in the company of my concubines. Then a bit of falconeering...I lead such a stressful life...

Supreme Commander
Shadow Government

CG killed RdRN
AC killed RE
JW killed SH

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Here follows my kill report, and more.

JW

Client’s Name- SH

Time Of Liquidation- 5:20pm, 31st July 2006

Kill number- 2

Report:

As was suggested upon assignment, this hit was going to be tougher than previously. The client worked from home, and as such has no set timetable for leaving her premises. Having committed a couple of hours on basic recon on Sunday afternoon, I decided the easiest way to ice the target was to take a proactive approach. I had already requisitioned my flatmates polo shirt and hi-vis jacket from his position as a sub-contractor for the council last summer (Banksy-“ The best way to hide in a crowd is to wear a hi-vis jacket, and if questioned as to what you are doing, complain about the hourly rate (sic)”). Although this provided several opportunities, especially given that the house next to the targets is a building site, I opted for the bicycle courier approach, given that I cycle everywhere anyway, and no one wants to turn down a package.

Having retrieved a clipboard I use for fieldtrips from a cupboard, coupled with a fake spreadsheet with faked names, addresses and signatures (it took no more than 15 minutes to create), and placing a medium sized water pistol in a padded envelope I had lying around, I headed on down to the targets home.

Upon arrival, I gave the corresponding buzzer for her flat a quick push. It sounded off, but with no answer. Slightly discouraged, I tried again. After another pause, a somewhat unusual voice answered the call. At first, I took it top be that of a small child. No matter, I have no qualms about eliminating a target, children or no. The voice informed me that the client was not home, and was not likely to arrive until around 11pm (some six hours away).

Distinctly unimpressed, I told the voice on the intercom I would return tomorrow. As I placed the clipboard back in my bag and retrieved my bike from the wall at the front of the targets garden, a voice called to me from above. I saw the mark leaning out of the upper most window of the building. “Sorry, I’m playing this game called Streetwars, I thought you might be my assassin or something”.

MIIIIIIISTAAAAAAAAAAAAKE! It’s moments like these that make me feel all warm and tingly inside.

Amazing myself at my own acting skill by mustering a face of sheer bemusement, I called up, “No, I really have a package for you”, waving my clipboard.

“OK, just give me a minute, I’ll be right down”. I moved back to the front door, with plenty of time to retrieve the clipboard from my bag and ready myself. Sure enough the target emerged, all smiles in the doorway (at this point I have to say, her photo didn’t do her justice). “Print your name and sign here please”, I request, handing her the clipboard.

“Sure thing”, she replies, beginning to fill out the “obligatory” spaces. I have to stifle a burst of laughter when the target asks, whilst filling out the form, “What is it?”

Removing the package from my bag, and the weapon from the envelope, I state calmly, “It’s a water pistol”, before shooting the target in the neck and face.

Name calling aside, the target was a good sport, and we engaged in conversation for more than ten minutes, regarding the set up for the elimination, how she had pretended to be her “flatmate” over the intercom a number of times, and how the target’s game had been going thus far. Her main regret was that she was unable to finish her second target, given the amount of pre-planned time that she had spent stalking him.

Saying my goodbyes, I returned to my flat, before departing for a post-liquefaction celebration by liquefying myself at a local bar.

Unfortunately, this is also where I sign off, as if you are reading this, I am already dead, the reports of my activities to be released upon my elimination.

The first attempt on my dryness occurred at roughly 10pm on Friday the 28th, having received a number of less than subtle phone calls at work over the previous couple of days.

You ain’t got no game, fools.

No one was going to give you my work details, ‘cos they’re all in on it, and when you said you needed to when I was working because I’d left a jumper at your place, you forgot one thing.

I HAVEN’T WORN A JUMPER IN 2 MONTHS; IT’S BEEN TOO FUCKING HOT.

The single advantage my would be assassin had on me was that not five minutes previous to his attempt I had smoked a fat cone of “herbal remedy”, and was thus not at my sharpest. A loud banging on my door roused my attention, however I could immediately tell, thanks to the frosted pane of glass in my front door, that there was no one stood outside. Despite my